Monthly Archive for August, 2005

in my experiences i have noticed that i am not like other women. when i go shopping i am generally on a set mission. i plan. pretty much everything. i hate malls. and i hate crowed streets, robson especially. there has only ever been one girlfriend who exists in my life that is able to get me to go shopping without an itinerary; she will forever be named spockette when i speak of her. adam will attest it is not an easy feat to get me out of the door without a mission in place. this doesn’t even have anything to do with the post, i just added it to emphasize how much i do not enjoy shopping.

so one day spockette and i are shopping on robson, we both had set missions and were attending to them nicely. we entered the body shop because i needed to pick up stuff for adam’s face. i enforce his face regime. he is in construction and only used soap when i met him. no no no this just would not do. he now uses a cleanser and an exfoliant.

when we walk in the door the whole product line that contains both the cleanser and exfoliant is on sale, placed upon a huge table right at the front of the store. i walk over, start touching and smelling things and with my very own brain was trying to decide if i maybe wanted to get something different for him or just stick with what was working when suddenly a basket was thrust into my hand. i rejected it whilst i was asked if i needed assistance; that offer was also rejected. within moments i was sales assaulted by two other customer service annoyance assistants. one of them actually forced me to put my TWO fucking products in a basket. another started spouting off shit about the products. just because i have touched it or smelled it does not mean i want you to tell me it’s fucking origin and every fucking thing you read off some pamphlet in your two seconds of training. when i try really hard i can generally figure out all the words on the labels and their said instructions.

i don’t remember asking for any help. i also don’t remember giving off ANY body language to suggest, especially after having been asked the first time, that i needed assistance. i have simply had it with these lame stores hiring idiots with less people skills than godzilla. unless i ask you about the product don’t even fucking come near me. i hate you. seriously. i don’t like people. i understand you have a boss and you have to ‘work’ but when one person has already approached me why the fuck do two others follow? and then there is exact opposite – i wanted to by some cheap pants so i was in old navy with adam and these two dumb bitches were yapping away about totally unrelated work shit and i know for a fact i was giving off very intense BODY LANUAGE that any person with a brain in their head that hasn’t had it tasted by a zombie would have recognized and i had to say excuse me (nice voice)..…ummmm excuse me. (louder annoyance in the tone)…EXCUSE ME as i pull out my vulcan taser gun – aim and yell – DO YOU HAVE THESE IN A size 6?! they didn’t. i get it, they make minimum wage but i don’t care.

DISCLAIMER

and you know what? you can ask people who know me– i am generally a total cunt out in the general shopping public as i guess i have shown here in some of its nasty glory, but when i ASK for assistance or am approached by an assistant with normal to above average people skills i can and will become extremely easy and friendly to deal with. i would also like to add that i do on seemingly rare occasion come across store assistance so awesomerad i go over board with thank yous and they probably want to punch me cause i won’t stop telling them how awesomerad they are.