Monthly Archive for November, 2005

i love it when hockey commentators say ‘man handled’

last saturday night during the canucks at phoenix game i realized just how much i miss mike ricci’s hair. he still rocks though and i love that he is playing in phoenix. i can’t explain why he is one of my favourite players any more clearly than i could explain why even though i hate it i sing along with the ‘don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me’ song. anyway it looks like jovo might be taking over for the NHL in the bad hair department – it is starting to look pretty ‘hockey’.
i decided i like cujo’s mask a lot and then i changed my mind and decided i didn’t like it. turco’s mask is and will forever be my favourite. sorry clouts, sorry auld. i still love you, SORT OF – you are both in the dog house right now.

i spent the majority of saturday nights game ranting about how our inconsistent goaltending is having disastrous effects on our team and that the canucks really have to hit the ice every single game with it in their head that even if the opposing goalie is inconsistent as well that they still have to play as if they are up against a kiprusoff a turco a brodeur.
i get so mad, the defence has to bloody well STEP UP. with three strong lines, they are going after our forwards like hell on skates. defenseman, that is your queue to sneak the puck away and SCORE. [phoenix was due they hadn’t beaten us yet this season][i don’t really mean that]
but still phoenix ONLY won because keith richards and alice cooper who i’m sure was just about to ask greztkey to go play a round of golf in the morning were there. nothing excuses the first period of that game. it was embarrassing to watch.

the embarrassment did not end there.

when i sat down to watch the canucks at coloardo sunday night i was scared but hopeful. i hate it when we play back to back.
i gave a slight chuckle while thinking of a new friend at the 5-0 loss suffered by columbus against colorado on the friday night – which i quickly came to regret.

two goals scored on auld in the first two minutes and four scored within seventeen minutes. there is no way other people in my building did not hear a couple of FUCKs bounce off the hallway walls.

in the second period when morrison decided to score his FIRST goal of november [what’s up with that?] there shone a glimmer of hope – again dashed – we lost 6 fucking 2.

[i have anxiety about tonight’s game against colorado]

i like smelling stuff

i constantly smell my armpits and the armpits of my tops while i’m wearing them and when i take them off i give them an extra special whiff and i smell the armpits of adam’s shirts which is gross cause his smell badder – mine can smell bad but i LOVE the smell of MY armpits. sometimes i’ll even grip the material and pull it towards my nose so that none of the arm-pity goodness goes to waste AND it is left lingering on my fingers so i can ‘sneak whiff’. does life get any better?

[if only it stopped there]
[the smelling ‘stuff’]

ONE of my nicknames for adam is stinky. i told him he is more than welcome to call me stinky too because i think it would be cute. it isn’t that adam STINKS, he doesn’t even need deodorant. it’s that i have a nose worthy of a canine super hero. i can’t figure out why i insist on smelling his shirts BEFORE I put them in the laundry basket when i know even with my left nostril’s deviated septum what is coming. [which half the time he’ll take back out and keep wearing] i just can…..not…..stop…..myself…..

i also think it’s funny when tuesday rolls around and i haven’t showered since sunday because who needs to shower on monday when you have no job? i get to pilates, take off my socks and i’m like ewwwwww my feet fucking STINK. so then i spend the whole hour worrying that jerks can smell my feet when i know full well none of them have a worthy enough nose and if they did we’d have to have it out because there is only room for one human wannabe canine super hero sniffer in the class and the whole West End of Vancouver for that matter.

air gi-tar to – KISS “i was made for lovin’ you”

poor baby nipple – brought to you by bacon grease

making a late lunch, adam got hit in the face with spitting bacon grease. he said OCH. he’s tough. he’s over it.

it reminded me of this time when i was around three years old living in Niagara Falls, my mother’s sister was watching me and we were making popcorn on the stove. she went to pee so i pulled a chair over to stand up on to watch it pop. i was only wearing my underwear and a kernel popped me right on one of my wee nipples. [i know she told me to stay away from the stove]

because this had nothing to do with being left handed i will say this is ONE of the reasons why i can not do very many things without inflicting some kind of dramatic injury upon myself.

i started young.