Monthly Archive for February, 2006

Watch out DeGeneres I’m almost ready to get back up and dance with your ass

Published on February 27, 2006 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

Today I find myself at a level of hyper activeness that I’m sure makes mothers all over the world want to kill their children. I am presently very happy that I don’t live at home.

For the first time since my surgery my asshole is feeling legitimately better. Like it used to before attack of the rhoids began. I’m confident I am very close to again having a normal asshole.

I saw the surgeon last Thursday and got off the Tylenol 3′s and got something that won’t plug me up because Tylenol 3 is really more like candy when you think about it and who needs a plugged up ass after ass surgery- NOT me.

Yesterday while we were getting all excited and emotional [ok, I was getting emotional] that the world is now looking at OUR city as the host of the next winter Olympics ABC was like just wait till all the people coming here find out you can smoke pot.

I wonder how many scandals there will be with athletes whose drug tests are affected just from breathing the BC air?

I’ve always been an AVID, AVID supporter of legalize it NOW and tax the FUCK out of it. Would I pay for a pack of joints what a cigarette smoker pays, what it costs for a case of beer? FUCK YA.
Speaking of marijuana, last week I hobbled with what looked like carrots up my ass over to a favourite specialty store of mine and bought a new wallet. Said wallet fell apart and I was totally pissed off and returned it. I’ll still buy stuff there; it was one shitty wallet, you’ll be happy to know I’m not going to ban them. When I first bought the wallet the corner of my eye caught a clock for sale set to stay at 4:20. I BURST out laughing and was like DOES YOUR BOSS KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? The dude was like totally I totally told her, whilst dude ringing up my wallet is getting all uncomfortable and like so obviously doesn’t smoke the ganja. I couldn’t handle it, talk about balls. Only in Vancouver, seriously.

Back to my ass. Thanks to my blogging pre surgery, having ABC update you and then blogging after with GRANDIOSE descriptions and stories from the bath tub I was given the honour of Shitty Blog of the Month for February. I’m proud to be shitty!!
[if you are a shitty blog member who has not updated your link please do so or Jeckles is going to kick your ass out of the club YOU HEAR ME]

Super Badass Baby

Published on February 26, 2006 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

Ty and his crew at Super Badass see MOI as badass enough to write with them. [even when I'm totally high on ass surgery drugs!!]

Go check me out. And while you are there check out issue02, I first appeared there.

What happens in Kelowna stays in Kelowna

Published on February 24, 2006 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

ABC is back from working in Kelowna for the weekend. SWEEEET.

When he originally left he said he wasn’t going to shave. Fine with me, I haven’t shaved my legs since sometime in January. Plus, I happen to LOVE his Wolverine look.

Normally in very different ways and under very different circumstances Adam and I can be extremely defiant. Every now and again we end up on the same idiosyncratic page of defiance. We rebel against something so stupid we only end up hurting ourselves.

The last time we did a ‘drug store’ shop together we came upon the newest edition to razors, the five blade with a sixth blade on the back for those hard to reach places. I instantly launched into murder jokes how this would be like the best thing EVER to slit throats with. All the while throwing in shit like WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A FIVE BLADE RAZOR you could seriously accidentally kill yourself with that shit.

We happened to have NEEDED razors and we buy the same ones, they are normally pink. WHY buy men’s and ladies razors when they do the same fucking thing, it isn’t like we share the actual RAZOR. That would be gross.

I know that neither of us was conscious of it at the time but we both obviously went into major rebel against the system mode and ended up with two blade razors.

I can hardly shave my fucking armpits with these things and with regular hair growth on my legs I had to go back over like a 100 times. I knew I was going in for surgery anyway so I just stopped shaving my legs. I also find shaving my legs in the winter at all pretty over-rated.

This morning while I was in one of my recovery ‘sit baths’ Adam began lathering up to shave off his some of his Wolverine hotness. I was watching and could not stop laughing. I said I know man they are totally crap, as I’m watching him slowly and gently trying to find a way to get the hair off his face.

Shaving my armpits takes three crosses THREE CROSSES, which is so bad for my skin and so 1991. We took it too far, we should have just gone with the three blade, now we just look like bleeding idiots.

We have decided that we will only buy razors with a minimum of three blades but still agree that the five blade is taking it too far and pushing shaving to heights that should only be attempted by your clone if you are lucky enough to have one.

She Won’t Stop Meowing About It

Published on February 22, 2006 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

Gus Greeper spent her past life as a human German male who also lived in Germany named Gus.

Gus Greeper has toad coloured eyes with some snake flare thrown in.

Gus Greeper sports a goatee like she is a man.

Gus Greeper has been working as a Vomit Artist since shortly after birth. Although she has been encouraged on many occasions to leave this occupation behind she refuses and also considers herself a vomit expert. Gus Greeper has been pawing a book for years now.

Gus Greeper is jealous of my love of crocodiles and alligators which is clearly shown in THIS post.

Gus Greeper is the president of ‘The Psychoanalyst Social Workers Association’ which she founded in 1998 after discovering she hated living with other cats.

Gus Greeper bit Janet Jones’s head off.

Gus Greeper hates Kenny G.

Gus Greeper played on the Canadian Women’s Gold Medal team in the Salt Lake City, Utah, Olympics. Gus Greeper got kicked off the team after she threw up on the captain’s new gold skates.

Gus Greeper once gave me a head butt so hard I woke up believing she really could play the cow bell.

Gus Greeper is an easily offended, vain, arrogant poser who loves her love handles but hates getting wet.

Gus Greeper has extremely poor and precocious table manners.

Gus Greeper once won a contest for the cat that can catch the most bugs to play with but won’t eat them. Gus Greeper saves the bugs for needy animals and donates the beaten, pawed to death bugs to her own charity ‘The Psychoanalyst Social Workers Association’ where cats go who feel abused by new animal house mates or who feel left out by stupid human babies being born.

Gus Greeper thinks she is the boss of me and ‘claims’ that Spock likes HER better than he likes ME.

Gus Greeper misses ABC so much it is making me really jealous.