Monthly Archive for October, 2007

you get a trick for the third year in a row

Published on October 31, 2007 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

fifty ways to leave your fifty hoes in fifty different area codes

have you ever wondered why paul simon only gives us these 5 ways to leave your lover in a song inaptly named 50 ways to leave your lover�?
so did we.
wonder no more. in honour of Halloween and our sick minds having nothing better to do, ABC and i bring you what we feel paul simon MAY have chosen as possible ways.

Paul Simon’s Original Ways

you just slip out the back, jack
make a new plan, stan
you don’t need to be coy, roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, gus
you don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, lee
and get yourself free

45 Additional Ways

shoot her in the face, ace
leave on a jet plane, jane
cut off his leg, greg
hammer in her brain, raine
lock him in the morgue, borg
stick her with a sword, gord
bite off his cock, spock
stick her with a shank, frank
cook fatty foods, contributing to his heart disease, louise
whack her with a bat, pat
have an affair, clare
bop her car with a glock, doc
feed him to a demon, eamonn
hit him with a brick, rick
cast him into hell, nell
grind her flesh into macaroni, tony
push him off his bike, mike
snip her e-brake, jake
weld closed her flu, lou
toss a grenade, jade
bomb her, dahmer
hire a hitman, fran
leave her in a ditch, mitch
lock him in the sauna, lana
stab her in the ass, cass
give him ebola, lola
freeze her in ice, bryce
throw him in the cage with a baaaadaassss panda, miranda
leave her in a gator’s death roll, joel
have his murder committed by people in your commune, june
tie him to a sled, fred
club her with an ancient artifact at the museum, liam
hang him from a tree, marie
make her watch Full House, clause
give her crabs, babs
take a dump on her rug, doug
drop him off a bridge, midge
poke out his eye, di
fuck him to death, beth
kill her in the sack, zach
beat him with a lock in a sock, tupac
ditch her at the mall, jamal
clock her with your sand wedge, reg
leave her at the altar, walter
show him the guillotine, eileen

2006
2005 *has some of its original comments!!*

The life of a girl gamer & a BFF comes for another visit

Published on October 25, 2007 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

When I was a kid and we lived in Smithers we only had two TV channels and so somehow I talked my parents into getting me a Nintendo. Until I moved out to Vancouver at nineteen I hadn’t upgraded, I only ever owned Mario one and three and I had Duck Hunt. Duck Hunt ruled that gun was so kickass. My girlfriend, Rhonda, who lived in Kitimat at the time had upgraded her Nintendo so I would play hers. It is rather surprising how much we got to see each other when I was still in Smithers, it is considerably further from Terrace where we ended up moving. Terrace and Kitimat are around 65km apart so once I was sixteen and had my license, until Rhonda graduated and moved away for college we saw one another almost every weekend or the memories are so good it feels that way.

If memory serves I bought a Playstation when I was twenty-one. I always LOVED Oddworld and had both games. Then in 2002 [at twenty-five] with my Christmas bonus I bought a PS2. I really had no choice. At the time I was friends with a group of four plus guys hanging out in a ‘guy’ apartment doing nothing but drinking, smoking pot and kicking the shit out of each other on Virtua Fighter [for example] and I was the only girl gamer so it was hold your own or get the fuck out and I of course held my own and decided it was high time I upgraded my own gaming hardware. It was a good investment anyway because this also gave me a DVD player.

*free tip for the single ladies*

Even if you hate gaming buy a PS2 they are ridiculously cheap now because the PS3 and new Xbox whatever is out and it will get you a man. Guys would go mental when they would see I had a playstation before I met Adam but also including Adam. I used to constantly joke that I had to hide the thing, it was almost as bad as guys trying to get in my pants. Guys like girls who have gaming systems. Accept it.

And so one day I’m talking to my buddy on IM and he is dating this rad girl and he says, he says AND SHE EVEN HAS AN XBOX. HA! I responded with: That is PROOF guys would have TOTALLY said that about me. I know they did I didn’t really need the proof but it is more cool that through meeting my buddies girlfriend I have now gained a new gaming girlfriend as well which brings me up to THREE girlfriends that game. Rhonda, Iris Eggwhites and Spockette.

Guitar Hero Three – Legends of Rock did NOT come out last Sunday as scheduled and has been pushed back to THIS Sunday. Ok, I seriously thought Adam was going to cry when it didn’t come out last weekend. If it is not in our hands THIS SUNDAY I can see some major flipping out happening. BUT wait didn’t you say THIS was Guitar Hero Three? When my friends ask me that I explain it in these terms: You know how after Sarah McLachlan released Fumbling Towards Ecstasy she started to release albums like Rarities, B-Sides & Other Shit Stuff in between pretty much every full length album release, almost like she is insecure and afraid her listeners won’t be there after her breaks which pisses me off because I will always love her and still bought all those in between albums, that is what Guitar Hero is doing. The Encore 80′s game is SHIT. If I was not ADDICTED to the point of needing an intervention to GH 1 and 2 because I am so close to finishing Expert level on both games we’d have gone back to Tiger Woods PGA 2007 till GH 3 came out.

So, with all that said, Rhonda gets here in a few hours, she normally brings games for the PS2, [she owns more than one gaming system] we’ll be going to Walmart as I have been letting EVERYTHING run out because Rhonda is a Walmart addict and I don’t know we just go to Walmart and we make crafts – must be the years and years in Scouts or some shit but we ALWAYS do crafts. Anyone new here can check out other visits with Rhonda here, here and here and this post has us as teens so we look SUPER hot.

I am obsessed with matching sheets = Gus is spoiled

Published on October 24, 2007 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

I wouldn’t call it a problem at all but all the sheets on my bed must match. At all times. There are almost no exceptions, except cat barf, if cat barf leads to sheets not matching it is ONLY because there is no change for laundry. This is for sure my parents fault, they gave me my first duvet and matching sheet set and cover the first Christmas that we were up north, from that day forward my bed has seen many a sheet set, MANY. In four years and one month Adam has already been a party to five different sets and he only had a hand in picking one and a half. Right now we are switching back and forth between brown and black and brown and yellow. The yellow sheet set is left over from the last cover that is not in the rotation. What does this all mean? Nothing really. I just like sheet sets and this post will contain photos of our sheet set, the one that Adam had the hand in picking. I compromised on pillows, we only have four.

You see, Gus is lazy as cats are and there are days when I have made the entire bed with Gus still on it and it cracks me up every time I actually do it and she doesn’t jump off the bed with all the pulling and tucking and folding and it has to be PERFECT! GET YOUR PAW PRINTS OFF MY BED. I’m not that bad, but maybe I am I fluff it constantly. I have considered filming it, I know exciting, but for serious it is adorable when it happens. And then there are the days when the wee Greeper won’t move.

see i got the bottom made

I got the bottom all straight and dragged her around, Adam uses more covers than me because he is bigger.

got the extra pillows on

You can see the protest in her eyes. But I put the pillows on giving her some time to get off the bed because she is obviously situated in such a way that I can not make it around her.

nope im not moving!

Ugh. She was NOT moving. Sigh. I had to lift her off. OF COURSE she meowed like a baby.

back already

Gus is back, in her happy place, probably thinking about having claws again to rip my face off with and how no matter what she will sleep in that exact spot at 4am.

looks like she took this photo of herself, maybe she did

WHAT A POSER. She must be trying out for Canada’s Next Top Cat.

in four photos – my entire history with Halloween dressup

Published on October 18, 2007 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

I forgot to take my meds last night and I couldn’t sleep and so I took the missed night meds with my morning meds and I’m a little WHOO WEEEEEE so if there is lots of errors in this someone please tell me. thanks. meds, tits, same thing.

Last night I was digging through old photos because on the tv I heard them mention that Pamela Anderson got married in a thigh high dress, WELL so did my MOM! In ’69 and she looked HOT. It is not as short as Pamela’s but still. I haven’t asked my parents if I can post the photos yet and it turns out I don’t have one of the ones I thought I did so there is not full frontal of the dress but trust me it is short I tried it on in August ’06 when I went home for my dress fitting and it barley covered my ass, granted I am taller than my Mom. Anyway I have to get my Dad to scan me a different photo or I’ll grab one and scan it at Christmas. But during this photo hunt I found my Halloween photos. Or lack there of. Don’t ask me why I have just never been a fan and I can not really put my finger on why seriously I have not been out on Halloween to do anything other than watch scary movies in my street clothes at someone’s house and I did the Haunted Vancouver Trolley Tour one year since I was twenty-two years old. This KILLLLLLLS Adam as he is a Halloween guy, but I don’t KEEP him from going out. And I maybe would be willing to go out and dress up if I had someone like I did when I was twenty-two to do my hair and make-up. She also did my wedding hair and make-up.

Clifford the Clown Dog - not sure how old would guess 3 yrs

Without further ado I give you what I think is me at three dressed as some sort of Clifford the dog clown thing, I am guessing three because I can tell that is the house in Niagara Falls, Ontario.

Gypsy - not sure how old but i would guess 4 yrs

Here we have a photo of me as a young gypsy lady, I am guessing four, I can tell this is still Ontario and I look about a year older than the other photo to me. NO, no one ever wrote years on photos ‘cept for my Grandma MacKenzie.

Then as you can see we have a major HUGE gap. This does not mean I didn’t go trick or treating. I am not sure what it means.
I always used a pillow case.
But as an adult I started and stopped participating in Halloween the very same year. Considering the attention this get up got me YOU’D think I’d have fallen in love with the ‘slutty girl dress up rules’ for Halloween, in all honesty, there really are none, but I didn’t. IS it in me somewhere still? I don’t know. MAYBE we won’t even get invited anywhere and I won’t have to think about it.

I only wanted to be a ‘school girl’ but I was looking at these photos thinking shit man if I was twenty-two again now and wore that to THINK how much lower and shorter that skirt would be. SCARRRRREY.

Halloween 1999 - 22 yrs old

Of course I still have those socks.

nice stop watch. hot

This photo is hilarious to me because nothing has changed I just do not look sexy when I’m trying, Nikki G on the other hand can pull off the poses and faces, I do have some good photos taken of me where she did my hair and make-up also at twenty-two I should dig those out, reminisce about my twenties…oh how fast they came and went….and SERIOUSLY lose the STOP WATCH NERD!

1996 Burnaby - 19 yrs old

And just for shits and giggles here is me in 1996 at nineteen years of age with my shaved head. I tell people all the time I did it, not that I don’t think people believe me I just think it is hard to picture on me now. Apparently my work wasn’t super happy but didn’t care too much, it was only Future Shop Music, [off Hemlock] my parents had seen worse I already had two tattoos at that point and apparently my Granny [my grandmother who was a lesbian] loved it, the rest of the family out east, not so much, but who cares it was only hair and the cut I had gotten was horrid and I was nineteen you are supposed to do stupid shit like shave your head for no reason other than a bad hair cut at that age.