Monthly Archive for March, 2011

Sabotage

Published on March 30, 2011 by Corinna Carlson | 5 Comments

The last way I thought that I would be feeling right now is like this. Anxiety to the max. Kicking myself in the emotional ass.

Deciding to work with a personal trainer is already working on my body but it is sending me into an emotional tailspin I did not see coming or I’m not sure I’d have done this. It’s making me cry, I don’t like to cry unless I have PMS or I’m joy crying over sports.

I’m realizing that I’m still terrified of any form of human connection. Any. I cant stop doing and saying ridiculously inappropriate things to keep people away. Have them want to keep me at arms length and not get to know me. I thought that I was past this and finding that I’m not is really pissing me off. It is one thing to have a problem with over-sharing in general, that I’ve been working on. This is different, this is fear of letting anyone new near me in any sense. I’ve finally gotten my ass out of the house and I’m finally doing something for me and then I come home and over analyze myself to death, and berate myself until I feel nauseous.

I wasn’t surprised when making the decision to return to running made me feel angry for injuring myself so badly and waiting so long to get serious about it. I figured that the competitive relationship I had with my dad might rear its ugly head but I’m more than prepared to push through that. I don’t know what it is, but I have to do something about this fear of people, if I don’t I’ll end up going through who knows how many personal trainers and gyms.

I know I deserve this and I wish I knew why the fuck I just can’t let myself have it, and be myself not some fabrication of myself made from fear. I wish I could just leave myself the fuck alone long enough to even give it an honest shot.

No need to be coy, Roy

Published on March 16, 2011 by Corinna Carlson | 10 Comments

On Monday our new kitty Roy Kucing got to take his cone-head off after being neutered, Roy has been with us for two months as of yesterday, he’s 6 months and some days old. Roy enjoys running amok, attacking feet, escaping and sprinting down the hallway, plotting, slurping while he baths, purring excessively, posing for incriminating photos, tomfoolery, stealth missions, hanging out in the bathtub, his own brand, talking a lot, mischief and mayhem, throwing his dry food on the floor like a witch doctor, the Poang and playing with Teenie Sardinis from Fat Cat; he’s sent three to unmarked and undisclosed graves, one was so dirty it had to be recycled, and there’s one kept on backup because I’m a sucker. He is basically the coolest cat we could have asked for not to mention he’s a handsome little devil who woos every woman he meets just ask the ladies at my vet’s office.

little trooper.

To be honest we weren’t planning on getting a new furry little buddy so soon but after coming home to an empty apartment after our trip out to Chilliwack for Crimus time, we were both in agreement that it sucked balls not having a furry little buddy and started looking into rescuing. We ended up finding a kitty who needed a home from VOKRA which wasn’t the worst experience but wasn’t the best. I’ll leave it at I’m doing my best to give them the benefit of the doubt that they actually care about cats and not just the money needed to keep themselves running.

Roy Kucing in Adam's pants.

For a long time, I joked that after Gus every animal that I got would be named after the Paul Simon song 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, or at least 5 would be and I’ve now used 2 of the names, but I didn’t honestly think it would happen given that there are two us who have to pick names for critters now and contrary to popular belief I do not always get my way. I was also hoping that Adam would want to incorporate the use of the Indonesian word Kucing meaning cat into the name.

Crazy Eye Poang Roy Kucing

Since Adam and I met we’ve been counting kitties, we umm text message each other in the voice of The Count with how many kitties we see on an outing if we aren’t together and if we are together we shout out ONE ONE KITTY. After we had both been to Bali and back we started to do this in Indonesian, both the numbers and the kitties – SATU SATU KUCING! I posted about this way back in 2005 for those of you who may be thinking we’re even more off of our rockers than you originally thought – you might want to give it a read. Roy Kucing slipped off the tongue well and once one of my very best girlfriends Meghan told me she’d had a dream we named our new cat Roy it was set before we even had the little buddy home, that he would be Roy. Roy Kucing.

No need to be coy, Roy.