Adam gets home from Indonesia tonight; he went to get my mom last Saturday. Almost three weeks a go now my mother became too afraid of my father to even deal with him anymore and so she was stuck in the hospital in Denpasar. She told her sister and me that she just wanted to come home. She had 24 hour security outside of her hospital room and no way out of the hospital unless a doctor said she could leave and she had to be released into family care.
It all got really messy with my father sending me emails so mean I passed out cold, placing 100% of the blame for their separation on me, to being forwarded everything he was also writing behind my back to him then trying to suck back up to me and kiss my ass for information on what my mom was doing. He is really sick too and not handling the separation well at all but I haven’t had any time to really think about either of them from the end of a 39 year marriage perspective at all yet.
For weeks I worked with foreign affairs in Ottawa and representatives from the Australian Consulate who handle the Canadians in Indonesia they helped me get everything prepared so that she could leave and it was 24/7 work and it was not easy and I proved a lot of things to myself that I always knew were possible but to have certain things about myself validated by family members who aren’t my parents and things I always wanted to hear but never heard has been extremely bittersweet in a situation such as this.
Right now I am very angry and I’m extremely overwhelmed, by selflessly helping one person I seriously hurt another and am pretty worried about him.
All of my beliefs about marriage, everything is shattered, all of my ridiculous idealistic views, some of which I’ve lived by; nothing feels right, right now. The adrenaline that fueled me through the process that was getting my mother out of Bali is gone now and I just hurt and feel anxiety.
This is all new to me, so I don’t know how I’ll be going through it; I just know I can’t run away from it because it will be at my door step within a couple of hours. Honestly I think getting her out is just the eye of the shit storm. That is partly why I am exiting the equation after she leaves tomorrow, my father can blame me all he wants sure it hurts, are you kidding me it kills, but I did what was asked of me, I got my mother out of Indonesia because my father was being an asshole about letting her leave but this is it I have to go my own way and deal with this just like they do, but in my own place, space and time and not as part of a triangle.
I really, really want to thank my friends, online and off who have been supportive through this and for believing in me, it has meant so much. I don’t know how to even begin to thank the people from foreign affairs and the embassies, they didn’t just do their jobs here, they did them extremely well and for that I will be forever grateful.
