So now I come to you from my donut pillow atop my CPU chair dealing with the fact that I’m going to have to face it I’m addicted to blogging. I was blogging standing up so I could read your comments on ABC’s special appearance post*. As well as the ones I didn’t get to respond to on ‘The Rhoids’ post because I left to be cut a new asshole. I typed comments also in the standing position on some of your blogs because until late yesterday my ass did not go near the CPU chair. Honestly though whether I should or should not enter ‘addicted to blogging anonymous’ {ABA}, likely treated with a one step program of throwing your CPU out the window, is still up for debate.

Ass-Surgery which is quickly becoming my favourite ‘word’ of 2006 was fan-fucking-tastic.

See this ‘I love you’ pillow? Adam bought it for me to sit on coming home because everyone had a different opinion on the donut pillow, some nurses said GOOD some nurses said BAD. I barfed on it twice in Adam’s boss’s truck [we got the barf out].
I feel like the biggest asshole ever for barfing in the truck because I inspected the bag first for holes and I did not see any. I figure the acid from my barf ate through the bag.

I won’t lie to you people. This is the nastiest shit ever. Far, far worse than landing on my head with no helmet off a motor scooter breaking my collar bone, and the subsequent surgery combined x 10 million and 6. And I do, as MANY will attest and sign notarized documents were I to ask it of them, have a high pain tolerance. I would not put it above or below any of them though to also check a yes in the ‘whines a lot’ box. [in the 90's they DID NOT have helmets to rent with the scooters in the Cook Islands]

Some of the Ass-Surgery high-lights are, but don’t be fooled, are not limited to:

Simply having ass-surgery at all; what a fun story to tell from the start of ‘The Rhoids’ to being just weeks away from being able to add the ending.

The stench of the surgery site drainage and the fact that I have to wear night time absorbency pads 24/7 [with wings] as to not ‘ruin’ my panties and clothes; this goes with the 4 to 6 baths a day. People, I have not worn ‘a pad’ let alone worn it 24/7 since the 10th grade, I remember very clearly the switch from pads to tampons and it was for a reason. I had up until today considered myself extremely lucky because I was not experiencing ANY butt chaffing but alas “Happy Valentines Day” to me, I officially have butt chaffing.

There was enough freezing that I made it home in relatively good shape except that upon arrival I barfed a third time [into the toilet]. I got no sleep the first night at all. NONE. The freezing came out and my sphincter would not stop going through random but enthusiastic spasms sending me yelling out in pain. Not crying though I didn’t cry once. Big girls don’t cry. The sphincter spasms lasted for days, I don’t think I even have to tell you how incredibly AWESOME that was.

My first bowel movement took over an hour. I chugged glass after glass of water to take my mind off the fact it was happening fresh out of bed at 7 something in the morning with absolutely no pain killers in the system. Everyone knows that I Corinna Liscumb have a mild tendency to exaggerate but this is different and I would never do that in regards to something like this, Adam sat on a stool [haha I said stool] the whole time and basically held my hand. Although I would give anything to see my facial expressions there was no fucking way I was busting out the camera even for something as memorable as that was. In case anyone is DYING to know my second pooh was much shorter but just as painful and involved yelling and the word ‘fuck’ at times.

THE REAL DEAL:

I woke up in super sexy and I mean SUPER Sexy white mesh gauze stuffed panties that I AM keeping as a souvenir.

Adam and Gus both have been the bestest of the best. Adam is a fantastic male nurse and it very conveniently turned out that he doesn’t have to leave for work until tomorrow. Thank you baby Jesus seriously on Monday I was no where near ready to be alone by tomorrow morning considering it is late evening here as I’m writing this, I still won’t like the having to leave bit, but having him here Monday and today was better than great.

For Valentines Day which I view as a total commercial piece of shit holiday that we don’t celebrate other than in the random ways we celebrate everything we celebrate; Adam in this true spirit got me a Hump Back Whale I’ve named Magnum and a Whale Shark that I’ve named Blue Dot., both of which I have Scanned for YOU to keep with the tradition of scanning our insane gifts to each other.

These two creatures of the water are a gift from the heart of my true love to be played with during my 4 to 6 daily baths that I will now have to administer to myself.

* [An ABC special appearance] will now show before all his posts so you know it is him, I realized I never mentioned he may guest post.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 at 17:57 and is filed under ABC IV, ASS SURGERY, CONFESSIONS & STUFF, SCAN ART. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. All content (c) 2005 - 2010 Gus Greeper, unless otherwise credited. All rights reserved.