OK fuck it seriously I’m getting this off my chest before I keep posting this fluff shit that is me cause I am fucking fluffy but not me cause I started this blog with a purpose for myself and for myself that purpose was to be honest and for the last couple weeks my posts have been honest but something hasn’t felt right. They’ve been about what’s been going on, what’s happening, what Gus is doing but where am I??????? I’m struggling, I FEEL fucked up, I FEEEEL not good enough, I FEEEEEEEL I can’t do it. I didn’t want to admit it because I actually told myself that I’d ‘really’ care if some fuck-wit left me a comment telling me to GET BACK ON A FULL DOSE OF TITS BITCH! But fuck it coming off meds is fucking hard I don’t care who the fuck you are if you taper very slowly like I am or drop em cold you FEEEEEEEL it. They just weren’t fucking working but I’m fucking fucked up waiting for them to stop not working so I can get on with my life and just be depressed because I suffer from depression and not because some drug that never made me feel better is fucking with my head. There is SO MUCH SHIT going on in both of our lives right now. Seems that way for a lot of people I know right now, I know I’m not alone but it doesn’t help. The good days are SO good I feel awesome, I feel clear, I feel like I’m finally making progress that the hard mother fucking work is paying off but the bad days are so bad that today my whole body went numb, because I became so overwhelmed I think I honestly forgot to breathe. Adam told me I could take it. I could have this time for myself. I’m going to head back to work because I want to, but I also want to feel fucking stable. Everything is coming at once or so it feels. It probably isn’t.
So this is it no more hiding that I feel like shit and I’m struggling it makes my blogging shit and makes me not want to post and feel insecure when I do. I just feel like I’m pretending that dropping the tits is all lollipops and roses when piled on top with the rest right now is feeling more like I bit off more than I can chew.
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Caring is Sharing
