I threw a tantrum of mass destruction this morning covering myself in hot water which then resulted in my smashing our only coffee pot, this filled the sink dishes, counters, stove and floor with glass. GO ME! The other one we had was a piece of shit and when I tried to be all innovative and went to find the stupid pot part, it TOO had a fucking hole in it so I could not just hold it up under the coffee hole. We are now without coffee and I’m convinced the world will come to an end.

Two things have been purchased off our registry and neither is a coffee machine. So do I risk it and hope we get one? We did need a new one anyway I just didn’t think it would go out in a blaze of flying glass like that.

I just went to Starbucks and I went to step off the curb and missed the curb by about a half a curb, turned over my big toe and my big toe has road rash and I thought I broke it. I didn’t. Stupid too long sidewalk to grass to curb to street area. I got a Venti Caramel Macchiato pronounced ‘mah-kee-YAH-toe’ while I think on things. I have never gotten a Venti before in my life.

So ummm yeah the no meds. Well, I still seem to be having some wee temper issues. Oddly the coffee pot did not break it self. I’m still having a really tough go of it with the paranoia which includes an intense over analyzing of EVERYTHING so then I feel like everyone hates me and is talking about me so I OCD out picking my lips my legs my zips and then I ADD out when I try and leave the apartment and decide 14 million things HAVE TO BE DONE or I CAN NOT LEAVE. I used to be on time for EVERYTHING well ok that is sort of a lie I was on time for everything until I moved to Vancouver.

That and the over emotional-ness are the worst of it. I think it is ALL being exacerbated by stress and it will be very very interesting to see what the NO MEDS report is for September. I’m always emotional, I cry at commercials, shows, movies, sports, news, books, but I can’t cry on the therapist’s couch, I hardly ever did, that is easier now. It is now learning to control all these extra fucking emotions and finding somewhere other than ANGER or TEARS for them. [I have started running again but that gets its very own post!]

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