The worst is when nothing is wrong. LIFE is just happening as it does around me and I specialize in all or nothing thinking and I find myself miserable no matter what.
Horrid feeling. Guilty feeling.
I hate the beginning of feeling better when it isn�t real yet and I�m in a fantastic mood and hyper even but am still depressed and I even forget for a bit because I am not depression- I suffer from depression. Yes my therapist SAID that I didn�t come up with THAT ONE on my own but it is an area of huge concentration in my therapy right now.
Six little pills since Friday and my other two doses are basically the same with the normal trust I�m given of taking �extra� Clonazepam when needed. When I took the sixteen Clonazepam and went to bed Dr. B gave me my prescription in one week bottles with one week refills for months. Had to gain the trust back. Act like an adolescent get treated like one right back, I knew sixteen wouldn�t kill me I don�t know what the fuck I thought I was doing but I know I did not want to feel. I haven�t done that again. It is Zoloft that has been added to my colorful morning pill salad.
�we could do yadda or yadda yadda, have we/you tried yadda blah yadda�
�I�ve been on yadda, and yadda yadda, and yadda blah yadda HOLY that shit fucked me up good. I�ll take the Zoloft�.
Having messages on my phone makes me anxious. I have no day time minutes left and hate the phone. Sometimes my stupid phone doesn�t even work. I need a new one.
I didn�t spend all day yesterday thinking of ways to kill myself. I was back to saying witty rude things while fucking up playing Tiger Woods PGA 2007 for PS2 [because it SUCKS ASSSSSSS building up your skillz every year] like �motherfucker injustice of the peace�. Maybe I am feeling legitimately better my golf swears are totally back to normal.
