Basically I’ve been feeling like shit this week. I wake up each day hoping I will feel better. Today there is hope. I’ve been napping and doing nothing and the apartment looks like shit and I’ve been avoiding my new short term goal list that has seemingly easy tasks like, ‘leave the house everyday for at least a half an hour’. Sweet goal, like I am five or some shit and need to be hand held through everything, but nope just can’t leave my house. I think I’ll pop back out of it for sure. It could just be the weather. But everything is still really green and flowers are blooming etc. but I don’t really care I notice it but does it really make me feel better, no.
Since I’ve started to ‘feel better’ I have been dreading bad days and the bad days make me feel guilty, which is fucking stupid because everyone has bad days. I am not really understanding where the guilty feeling is coming from I guess my last depression crash bullshit just lasted so long I feel like I should be making a real go of it. But I’m right now having multiple days in a row that are bad and I’m getting worried. It started on Monday, but I noticed it coming on late last week. I just haven’t felt like doing anything, nothing that is productive anyway. I’m going to have to force myself back into my to do lists. I’m falling asleep during hockey games. Seeing as we are losing I guess that isn’t an incredibly big deal but still it is the bloody PLAYOFFS.
Playing on Facebook and getting high scores in hard level on Guitar Hero 2 are pretty much the highlights of my life right now. I am stuck on level 7 of hard with only two songs to go before I open the encore and I am so frustrated I am ready to scream. But I’d be at the end of my rope with that whether depressed or not.
