And I don’t even own a scale - Part Two
This photo was taken last July, says my flickr. There was less than two months to go until our wedding, and I was stressed. I would venture a guess that I weighed around 112ish. I know when I went home for my dress fitting almost a month to the day of this photo I was worried that my dress would be to big but I weighed myself at my parents place and found that I wasn’t as skeletor as I thought I was. I was eating like mad around this time as well because I was afraid of my dress literally falling off at the wedding. When I had been measured for it, it was January 2006 and I was carrying some winter weight and did not see it again until the beginning of August when I was stressed to the absolute max and thin like my early 20’s thin, or in a major depression thin.
This is September 2006, I remember knowing I was underweight but being pretty happy with my body for 29, the wedding was over my dress did not fall off, it had fit perfectly. I ended up getting really sick when we returned from Mexico and also fell into a seriously bad black hole of depression. Winter came and I packed away the bathing suits and settled into marriage. Even though I was depressed which means I would normally be losing weight due to anxiety, I didn’t have a lot of anxiety I was just horribly depressed and doing absolutely nothing that didn’t involve the couch. I was basically leaving the house once a week for my shrink sessions and that was about it. And before I knew it I weighed 130 pounds.
This was taken yesterday. To be honest my second time in a bikini this year as I had gone to tan the day before with a girlfriend for a bit, but got better photos yesterday. In June I wrote this post on some of my feelings on my weight and the great weight debate in general and was in a space were I did not feel attractive AT ALL. I started to run and work out on the ball in my apartment, I expressed in the post that I was dreading putting on a bikini this year. Last month I did an interview for Eating Disorder Talk and mentioned I felt I needed to lose another five to ten pounds. Seeing this photo I realize that Adam was right, I was seeing a deluded image in the mirror. I do not in fact need to lose any weight. Yes, I need some toning but I look a lot better than I thought I did. For 30 I’m pretty happy actually. I did manage to sneak in a weighing of myself last week at a friends place and I’m around 125lbs so technically I’m still underweight for my height and age. I’m going to stop complaining about my body now because I’ve likely been driving Adam insane. But your eyes play tricks on you; the camera pressed up into a mirror doesn’t lie. Unless I’m in a state where I am not mentally healthy I don’t really want to look like I did in my early to middle twenties anymore. I would still like to get rid of my millions of chins and have bigger boobs but those are just dreams.
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:51 am
i’m sure i’m not the only person who will say this to you and i’m equally as sure that it probably won’t matter in the scheme of things. but i’m going to say it anyway.
you look good.
(that is an honest to god compliment)
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:52 am
and i say that it probably won’t matter because i know the inner workings of the female mind. (you’re so much like my sister Jenifer)
August 2nd, 2007 at 12:03 pm
thank you very much sarah you know i know you mean it
im just seriously shocked that i was afraid to put a suit on and really had nothing to worry about all that stress for nothing!
August 2nd, 2007 at 12:08 pm
you look fantastic!
August 2nd, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Personally I’m definitely not one for the Ethiopian look, I think women look best curvy. And to clarify, curvy does *not* mean fat which you are not. I think you’re spot on right now and look great Gussie.
Your Hubbie’s a lucky guy.
Cheers man
August 2nd, 2007 at 1:16 pm
the third piccie is definitely looking good and you look nice and healthy too-which is the most important thing.
if i ever think less that good thoughts about my boobs i just remember i don’t have cancer in either of them-then i’m good. or any other body part for that matter. 2 legs, arms a brain etc. no matter if they’re not in perfect nick- especially the brain at times
you look super! keep on keeping on.
August 2nd, 2007 at 2:11 pm
When are you going to put on a brave front and take a pic without the suit on
I am down my first 6 pounds, still 4 more than when we were polishing off 2 bags of cookies a day at your place but am finally under some control. You look great. TTYL
August 2nd, 2007 at 3:39 pm
You look great to me. Maybe you even stand to put on a few pounds. Your lucky you can see it for yourself.
August 2nd, 2007 at 5:50 pm
You look good to me.
I’ve never been very “body conscious” but I am trying to watch my weight and lose about 10 lbs before my wedding and dress fittings. I am shorter than you and I weigh more than you, but my weight and BMI fall in the “healthy” category so I’m not freaking out too much. 
You have an amazing body and if I was into girls, I’d want to “hit that.”
August 2nd, 2007 at 8:43 pm
ha. jen would want to hit that.
you seriously look good. fine. spectacular. wonderful. not fat. not 30. like the ab muscles are coming out at me. like i’m jealous that you look so damn good. like, i will one day hit that.
if adam lets me.
August 3rd, 2007 at 2:40 am
You are so sexy!! I’d do you.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:45 am
I know how difficult it can be. I don’t have an eating disorder, but it’s probably just because I’m a guy. I imagine if I were a woman I’d have a problem.
Your reality show update is up!
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:04 am
You look great Corinna! 125 is perfect. I am with you on the horrible body image. No matter what size i am, no matter how many times I am told that I look great or whatevever, I always have my own opinion of myself and sadly, it’s never good. I wish it were easier for women but it really isn’t. We just have to stay positive and confident and know that we have wonderful husbands that love us just the way we are! We are very lucky. and really…you look hot! :O)
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:24 am
That last line, sooo true for me too! And you look HOT!
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 am
I know how you feel about weight… I think we all feel that at some stage or another whether we’re boys or girls. Do you know sometimes I feel fatter when I lose weight it’s really weird but it totally happens and I can’t change my perception. Perception is a freaky thing and almost impossible to control. You look bloody hot to me and ever other person reading this blog tho,and that’s gotta help change the ‘tude, you know it dudette! xox
August 3rd, 2007 at 1:13 pm
excellent post! this is a topic that hits very close to home for me. body image, eating disorders and dysmorphia are all things that i have suffered with for as long as i can remember. i don’t really ever recall feeling thin or attractive enough. it’s an ongoing battle.
it’s so good that you’ve found some peace with yourself. and you look absolutely fantastic!
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:49 pm
You look good! I hope I look that good at 30.
August 4th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
No, you don’t need to lose any weight. You would not look good any skinnier, unless this photograph is from a particularly flattering angle.
I mean, you’d still be you, and that would be pretty cool even at 90lbs, but you certainly look plenty attractive at your current fighting weight.
30 is just a number…
August 7th, 2007 at 7:46 am
Corinna, you’re gorgeous inside and out.
August 8th, 2007 at 2:58 am
i have to echo all the above comments. you’re hawt. and i love your body the way it looks now–womanly and hawt. i’m waaaay shorter, and i weigh just a little less than you, and my dad thinks i’m *fat,* and i love my dad but really, he should get a grip. i actually like my body, which, btw, will never be *thin.*
August 27th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Oh yeah!