you get a trick for the third year in a row
fifty ways to leave your fifty hoes in fifty different area codes
have you ever wondered why paul simon only gives us these 5 ways to leave your lover in a song inaptly named 50 ways to leave your lover�?
so did we.
wonder no more. in honour of Halloween and our sick minds having nothing better to do, ABC and i bring you what we feel paul simon MAY have chosen as possible ways.
Paul Simon’s Original Ways
you just slip out the back, jack
make a new plan, stan
you don’t need to be coy, roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, gus
you don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, lee
and get yourself free
45 Additional Ways
shoot her in the face, ace
leave on a jet plane, jane
cut off his leg, greg
hammer in her brain, raine
lock him in the morgue, borg
stick her with a sword, gord
bite off his cock, spock
stick her with a shank, frank
cook fatty foods, contributing to his heart disease, louise
whack her with a bat, pat
have an affair, clare
bop her car with a glock, doc
feed him to a demon, eamonn
hit him with a brick, rick
cast him into hell, nell
grind her flesh into macaroni, tony
push him off his bike, mike
snip her e-brake, jake
weld closed her flu, lou
toss a grenade, jade
bomb her, dahmer
hire a hitman, fran
leave her in a ditch, mitch
lock him in the sauna, lana
stab her in the ass, cass
give him ebola, lola
freeze her in ice, bryce
throw him in the cage with a baaaadaassss panda, miranda
leave her in a gator’s death roll, joel
have his murder committed by people in your commune, june
tie him to a sled, fred
club her with an ancient artifact at the museum, liam
hang him from a tree, marie
make her watch Full House, clause
give her crabs, babs
take a dump on her rug, doug
drop him off a bridge, midge
poke out his eye, di
fuck him to death, beth
kill her in the sack, zach
beat him with a lock in a sock, tupac
ditch her at the mall, jamal
clock her with your sand wedge, reg
leave her at the altar, walter
show him the guillotine, eileen
October 31st, 2007 at 10:55 am
I’m taking notes, just in case.
I particularly like Lola’s method.
October 31st, 2007 at 12:43 pm
I don’t recommend the one by spock, did it, got in trouble!
October 31st, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Wow. Those are all great.
October 31st, 2007 at 6:22 pm
That’s an entertaining list indeed. I call for putting htem allto a melody and serenading us via youtube.
Your links to 2005 and 2006 (novel idea BTW
) just take me to the reply box for this post.
October 31st, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Perfection for a Halloween post.
November 5th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Puncher her un the fupa, Oompa Loompa.
November 9th, 2007 at 10:02 am
just kick him out the back zack.