“I’m not like the girls that you’ve known but I believe I am worth coming home to”*
Yesterday I went I saw my shrink for the first time this month. It is hard for me to believe I haven’t seen him since June.
I went to the United States of America and Aughra said she charged really high rates and so I never had any therapy there and then I came home sick because I can’t even travel over the border without getting backed up and exploding MANY times upon return to the point I was sent to bed moaning and groaning and saying “I’M FUCKED for Bali if I can’t even go over the border getting sick coming home from Mexico was one thing.” I was a rebel and drank the water but getting sick coming home from the States made me feel like a pussy, I only shat little pebbles the whole time I was there cept for maybe once I dropped a good deuce maybe twice. Then Dr. B was off for a week because HOLY STOP THE BUS I forgot to mention that I’ve graduated to seeing him once every two weeks now, for various and all good reasons.
I had to get down to business fast because I only had fifty minutes and a lot happened over the course of that time.
My medication has also OFFICIALLY been lowered. I am taking lots of vitamins and have been feeling soooooo much better since I don’t know maybe around my birthday (beginning of June) and when I got home from the mission I was finding myself falling asleep every day for hours and it was pissing me off and all I could link it to was too much medication. This is actually the second time it has been lowered since I started to feel better but is the first time that my prescription has reflected the change. This is also one of the only times in my life that a lowering of my medication has been successful.
Needless to say things are not perfect I still have super bad days and spend them in bed but it is one day not a couple or a week, one day, then I feel better and move on. I can not believe how far my capability to let shit go has come it is even blowing my own mind. I even uttered the words all of us depressed people fear yesterday, I announced I was HAPPY but that I feared the happiness in the stereotypical manor of losing my identity as a depressed person. This obviously isn’t going to be an issue I’m not cured I am just doing better than I’ve done in years right now and I am doing my best to ride it out and not think of the day it ends because I’m trying to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t have to end.
I now have August off and don’t see him again till September. The only difference is that I know I won’t see him for over a month. I didn’t plan on canceling my other appointment this month getting sick did that for me. I personally think I have done really well this month and can’t see why I shouldn’t be able to keep this thing I’ve often heard referred to as happiness going strong.
*Sleeps with Butterflies - Tori Amos
PS. I had my hair chopped off. Quite frankly I had never left it long that long before but I got married and then wanted to see what I looked like with may natural color, been married two years next month and I look like Corinna Liscumb Carlson so off it went.
July 26th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Great post Corinna and thanks for the encouragement during Blogathon!
Love the new hair, although that’s a change from the long hair you had before
July 26th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Hip hair cut, energetic and summery vibe!
July 26th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Ohhh you are super cute. I am currently partial to short hair.
July 27th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Love your new hair cut! On the traveling and worrying about getting sick. Can I make a recommendation? Over the last 5 years I have travelled to Thailand, Vietnam, Mexico and New Zealand. I have avoided any intestinal upsets by taking a bottle of oil of oregano with me. I take that every morning even at home. It strengthens your immune system and is anti-bacterial. Kills those nasty germs and bugs. The other thing I take is PB8 which you can purchase at Caper’s along with the oil or oregano. PB8 is a strain of 8 different probiotics that put good bacteria in your intestinal tract to fight off any bad bacteria that you might consume in tainted food or water. It does not need to be refrigerated like some probiotics which makes it ideal for travel. Renew Life makes a product called “Fibresmart”. I too suffer from the same problem as you when I travel due to diet change. This product also helps. Also available at Capers. Sorry for the lengthy comment, but I think these tips will help you. And last but not least, here’s to staying happy! Enjoy Bali. That is somewhere I would love to visit one of these years.
July 27th, 2008 at 10:49 am
My medication makes me very sleepy; I take it at bed time, but end-up sleeping until 9 or 10 am each day, which was fine until husband got cancer. I’m debating lowering my meds to see if I stay sane, but the Dr. says “not a good idea”, so I guess I just have to trust her. What is worse: sleepy happy wife and mother who works part-time OR crazy mom who goes a little psychoctic. Ya. I know. Sleepy ain’t so bad. I appreciate your posts. Keep us posted. And yes, your hair looks nice, too.
July 27th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Love the new do!
July 28th, 2008 at 10:11 am
The shorter hair suits you.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
this hair suits you perfectly! glad to hear you’re entertaining happy
July 29th, 2008 at 8:26 am
I am so glad that your health and happiness has been improving. Great news on the lowering of the meds! Looking forward to that walk with you!
July 29th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Yayy! Love the chop, congrats on the lower tits and the less frequent doc visits and of course, since our dates are very close, happy almost 2 year wedding anniversary. I can’t believe it’s almost 2 years already, can you???
July 29th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
That’s awesome stuff dudette, congratulations on the progress and happiness! I think happiness comes and goes like waves in the oceans but it always comes back.
Your hair is awesome
July 30th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
@Raul: you are welcome! and thank you! you just haven’t known me long enough yet to be used to the growing the chopping
@Luc thank you!
@sam i aim to please you.
@Charlene thank you so much for that info! i will try it and take extra fiber
@Airdrie i take my effexor in the morning and then i take the clonazapam and seroquel at night. i was taking clonazapam in the morning as well but that tuned out to be too much. thank you very much i appreiate you posts as well.
@JaG thank you!
@stu thank you!
@capegirl thank you, it has been a nice visit so far
@Phaedra thank you very much!
i look forward to upcoming walk!
@thefunkybee thank you kindly! i know i really can’t believe how fast it has gone and people said the first year was hard it totally wasn’t.
@maja thank you kindly! i think you are totally right. i was just never willing to even call it being happy before.
July 31st, 2008 at 11:03 am
Hair is awesome.
Mom swears by SENACOTS for the backed up plumbing…
Me..when camping..no poop.
July 31st, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Hair looks great. You look great.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Your hair looks adorable.
August 20th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
The Tori line is so real. Oh my god. If I’d kept that line in mind years ago, so many choices I made would have been different.
Your hair is adorable. But that’s because it’s on YOU, and YOU’RE adorable.