During Vancouver’s most extreme rainy season, some people here call it winter, I do not walk over to my Shrink’s office - I take cabs. It is a little luxury I take the liberty of indulging in.

I’m well aware of the series ‘Vancouver’s Cab Crisis CTV News Investigates‘. BUT I have not watched, read or listened to any of their coverage, because a pretty good while before I saw it previewed as an upcoming News Investigation [other than it just being a space filler mentioned from time to time] I had already started an investigation of my own. It wasn’t that I ever had the intention of making any kind of relevant story out of it, I was just curious because I have always been a bit of a bus snob and it has only gotten worse with the city COVERED in construction for the 2010 Olympics, and thus I noticed the decline of anything even remotely resembling service rather quickly.

I started to notice it around Christmas so no one would even listen to me because it was Christmas and all I’d get was, ‘it is Christmas there are never any cabs’ and I would be like NO this is different you can feel it in the air something is wrong out there. I probably didn’t defend my claims exactly like that but I KNEW I WAS RIGHT!

Taking a cab is supposed to be somewhat relaxing and out of nowhere not only could I not find a cab and was almost late for therapy numerous times and had to wait up to thirty-five minutes outside a popular hotel for a cab home, I noticed that once I was in the cab the drivers suddenly started to act as if they had no idea how to drive around the city. To a resident it became crystal clear that due to everyone who lives in Metro-Vancouver knowing full well that what is known as the Cambie Bridge is OFF LIMITS - until if we are lucky 2010 and don’t forget that it is thanks to YOUR grandchildrens’ tax dollars - and that drivers were facilitating a mad conspiracy to screw us all.

So ok I will give you that getting in a cab and having to give EXACT street by street directions is not that bad, is not too much to ask, and obviously I had been taking it a tad for granted that everyone here is just so damn nice. Sure. Since last December I have seen more cabs drive right past my MAN HANDS WAVING than I have actually flagged since 1996 it makes me sick and I fear for us all in 2010 if cab drivers are treating us residents this poorly.

I started to ask the ones who didn’t dick me around and actually make ME explain WHY they shouldn’t take Cambie questions about what was going on in the city. For a while I was happy buying that due to the entire province needing workers that they were just short; but what wasn’t working for me was the excessive out of the way trips drivers were taking to get places, and I was letting them know. Sometimes I forget to give my route because I’m distracted or busy arguing with them about where the traffic is when I KNOW DAMN WELL THEY KNOW!!!! [Ps. I used to work directly with courier call centers FOR YEARS.] I would just give up and say go which ever way is fastest which means they take Cambie and before I realize and can do anything about it I’m already pretty much swearing at them.

The anger I had begun to feel just getting in a cab came to a peak of sorts when on the way home from my Shrink’s office recently with Adam in the cab, and on our dime the driver stopped his car, rolled down his window and started YELLING at people who had managed to flag a cab down town from the suburb of Langley - he YELLED don’t pay him he is out of his zone!!!!!! And the driver went into an elaborate speech about how the suburb cab companies were stealing their business. REALLY? Are they?

Sorry but I’d still pay the guy whether he is out of zone, area, whatever you want to call it cause guess what ass face HE STOPPED! This is when I thought hmmm maybe I should post on this.

Yesterday it hit the fan like a bird getting stuck in a jet engine there were feathers EVERYWHERE!

I get in, we argue over traffic and it is raining and I am EXTREMELY grumpy and ready for my session. I missed the street I should have asked him to turn down and it was too late. I began making comments, “I can’t believe you actually took Cambie in the rain”, “this ride costs me twelve dollars every Friday you’d better hope for no traffic”.

DEAD STOP. GRID LOCK!

By this time my anger is boiling, fiery red blood is about to spew all over him and burn him a new asshole. I consider calling Adam and just venting very loudly over how mad I am. But I was in a rage so I decided FUCK THIS I’m getting out. The meter was at $9.75 and we were not even half way across.

“I’m giving you a twenty right now, give me a ten I’m getting out.”

He of course doesn’t seem to like this but I insist knowing I have to get out before his car reaches a certain point or I stand more than a chance of dooring a cyclist, to say the very least.

We exchange the money; I look right at him and say “I REFUSE TO SIT HERE IN TRAFFIC!”, get out, slam the door, hop over the separator to the walk path, quickly becoming thankful the rain had stopped and instantly phone Adam and burst forth like a tempest my story of VICTORY and empowerment over a cab driver and hoofed it the rest of the way JUST making it on time.

I ended my conversation with Adam by saying the ONLY way things are going to change in this city in regards to cabs is if people start jumping out of them. See if any cab driver dicks me around after THAT. I have the balls.

This is the first time I have gone this long without posting and one of my parents hasn’t asked if I’m ok. Maybe that is because I’m 30 now? I’ll have to ask them. BASICALLY, I’m still sick. BUT not sick sick, just annoying and stupid mostly dry COUGH sick. It means I can’t work though and I keep having to turn down calls including today I was supposed to work but didn’t because if my cough gets any worse it’ll be hospital bad. I have gotten coughs since I was a kid so I know how to handle them and if I worked in an office I’d go because I feel pretty much fine other than, *normal* to suddenly migraine headaches, sore ribs and a sore back my stomach muscles only start to hurt if I have a full on cough attack and tears are running down my face and I can hardly breath and Adam is all ARE YOU OK? But I can’t answer him I can only flip my head all over the place rolling around like a fish waving my hands like they are flippers. When I worked in offices I’d go in cough a bit and get sent home but at least I went. I knew getting that cold so early in the season was BAD NEWS!

Some of you will remember Mrs. E. my horrid German landlord. I fixed some of the July 2005 archives and there are some stories of her antics under the assholes category and OF COURSE you long term readers will remember this, CLICK HERE NOW. And really that is all you need. And this. Anyway, she was being herself again the other day and cornered Adam about my cough because she says that I cough too much, she doesn’t like it, Adam just walked away from her. I’ve yet to run into her. I can’t wait until I do!

Last night a migraine sent me to bed and I said MY HEAD HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS COUGH IT IS REBELLING. I did not yell it though I said it very quietly. Yelling would be silly. SO I was not able to read before bed last night and I am coming down the home stretch of A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini which is taking a lot longer than normal for me to read because how I feel is dictating when I can read. My friend I lent The Kite Runner to is done it which rules because it means I get my book back. AWESOME.

I didn’t post because I didn’t want to complain and really I am not doing much except not doing things I am asked to which is unlike me and I’m sorry. I have also been coughing all over the key board which is probably what got Adam sick but he is almost better, me not so much BUT I can’t go any longer without posting, blogging is somewhat of a screwy addiction at times.

A while back a fellow blogger did a post that mentioned the episode of Oprah where she discussed open marriages NOT the Mormon religion or polygamy and how it is depicted on HBO’s Big Love [that I am aware of because I didn’t watch it] but ‘open marriage’ was a topic.

I myself am not down with open marriages I think most fail over time and if you or your spouse want to be fucking each other and other people I’d venture a guess there is something deeper happening there and that something pretty big is missing from the relationship but I’m not a shrink just observant and I don’t know I guess I just think ahead.

But my problem is not with ‘open marriages’ to each their own I don’t really care. My problem is I read the comments on this post and someone who can choose to identify themselves in the comments or ask to be linked back to or what have you basically set my blood on fire by writing:

“The true commitment in life is having children with another person.
The marriage is/can be an important precursor, but it is definately not bound by forever the way having children is”.

[I’ve intentionally left the spelling error and want to say here NOTHING has EVER pissed me off this bad in my almost three years of blogging that I now feel the need to do a whole post on it]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Why don’t you just say I’m not a fucking woman while you are at it because I have NEVER wanted kids and my husband doesn’t want children either? In fact I can’t stand most children and if you pay ANY attention to the census taken in this country you’ll know that THANKS to people like me our population is starting to settle out. I would MUCH rather have a form of population control in the country I live in based on EDUCATED decisions by people to or not to have babies, not assholes who can’t even afford them or some stupid slut who gets knocked up because she thinks it’ll be fun to have a baby but is seriously unfit to even have a child. I’m thankful I live in a country where there is a CHOICE, not in a third world or over populated country where war, AIDS and genocide which can result from war, or having to murder baby girls that are maybe not openly admitted to but ARE forms of population control. That comment is also more than disrespectful to women who can not have children, one of those being a very close friend of mine.

Our marriage is a ‘precursor’ to our life together a life that will include a shit load of SUPER cool adventures that people with kids just can’t go on or do without pissing their kids off they have to wait until their kids have moved out of the house and then *a lot* of marriages fall apart finding out you have nothing in common anymore anyway so you get divorced. Funny how that works.

I am SO sick of the comments the looks the EVERYTHING when people find out you’re married and not having kids. Whatever we get to sleep. I pity people who make ignorant comments like that to my face.

The weekend was odd. Rhonda just left this morning. I have PMS so I was a bit bitchy. Friday night we were supposed to go out to The Dufferin with my friends M & J to watch male strippers and move on from there. Thankfully we went over to M & J’s place at 8:30pm and didn’t even leave for the bar till I don’t know when because I got thrown out of the bar and never got to see the male strippers that I didn’t want to see anyway I was only there because M is leaving for Thailand for a year. The whole five minutes I was in there was fun though and I then wanted to be out even if I was in a loud bar surrounded by men cheering for naked men who couldn’t dance. I heard one guy comment that the stripper was dancing like a ‘white boy’. The stripper was wearing a sailor suit and was white, I’m not sure what he was expecting. He was just about to tear his pants off when I stomped out singing IN THE NAVY. Adam just wanted to see them to see how different they are from Women. Let’s just say VERY and leave it at that.

It was my fault but that did not keep me from freaking on the jack ass who asked for my identification. I GUESS like two years ago they started enforcing a law that was always in place just never used or hardly ever used or used if they don’t believe you are of age. Apparently you have to have TWO pieces of ID to go to a bar/club now. This is how little I go out I had no idea. NONE. We went to a couple Pubs when C.J was here and I got asked for identification in one place but not two pieces. I only had my drivers’ license on me which looks EXACTLY like me and it was almost TWO MONTHS TO THE DAY that I will be 30 and they made me leave. So Rhonda and Adam obviously had to leave too. Nice. I understand that I look young but that is fucking ridiculous. And I’m sorry I’m not gay and only have gay friends. It TOTALLY felt like discrimination, damn matching wedding bands they know right there I’m a breeder [I had my ID in Adam’s wallet]. I know I SHOULD take it as a compliment but there is NO WAY I look 19. Ever since we have gotten the Olympics this ‘city’ behaves like it has a pole up its ass. This is not my first encounter with the bull shit changes sweeping Vancouver, it has always been a very stuck up city but it is almost impossible to walk up Robson without vomiting at the people it attracts and you can’t walk a kilometer without tripping over construction anymore. Yes this keeps my husband employed but when the city looks different on a weekly almost daily basis it starts to get a little scary. There is obviously nothing I can do about it ‘cept hope that Canada at least wins both of the bloody gold medals in hockey . That wouldn’t make it all ok but it would make it better.

I am convinced that if the Canucks had won the hockey game on Friday night I would NOT have been kicked out the attitude in the city would have been totally different.

THEN even more asshole encounters.

We were waiting for the bus to go over the Lions’ Gate Bridge to go to Walmart. I can never remember if it is in West Van or North Van and I forgot to check the bus we needed but figured I would just ask the drivers seeing as I do expect them to know where they are or AREN’T going. Not to mention we were standing around chatting about NOT knowing what bus to take and it turned out when we got on the WRONG one that the woman standing RIGHT NEXT TO US KNEW we were getting on the wrong bus but said nothing. BITCH. I would NEVER do that if I overhear people having a ‘lost’ conversation and I know what bus they need, directions what have you I ALWAYS interrupt and tell them. EVERYTIME! HOW RUDE.

The bus driver was just as oblivious; Adam thinks he was drunk because he stayed right at 50km. I ASSumed there was NO WAY I could go wrong wording my question like this: “Do you stop at Park Royal”� I know that Park Royal is in the opposite direction. The driver said: “I am going to West Van” I realized about half way over the bridge we were on the wrong bus. And I threw a tantrum, I told you I have PMS. BUT seriously how hard would it have been for him to have simply said NO. I was so pissed off I went home. No Walmart for me.

Someone may have tried to commit fraud with my bank card and so when I was at the movie store trying to rent Jesus Camp my card wouldn’t work a million times in a row until it gave the final CALL THE BRANCH and I left with my head lowered in shame and embarrassment. I already felt like a hobo in my getting ready to do nothing miss-matched Saturday night garb and greasy hair that I hope each time I don will land me on What Not to Wear. When I got home I called the stupid bank and they took forever to figure out what was wrong and told me to go to a branch on Monday. I am going in today because today is Monday. Having no access to our money for the rest of the weekend made me feel naked and somewhat stranded and we did nothing but watch golf on TV. And wouldn’t you know, it was SUNNY yesterday and we COULD have golfed outside. Granted I wasn’t too upset seeing as it has been raining steadily for weeks, giving the course a day or two to dry out is not a bad idea, so I at least found a positive somewhat still bogus trying to make me feel better bull shit excuse because I normally just wear my rubber boots if it rains so I’m lying I guess. Stupid no access to any funds.

I played some Guitar Hero. I am so far ahead of Adam now he may never catch me. We ordered a second guitar but something has gone wrong with the order, BIG SURPRISE and it hasn’t been shipped and we’ve gotten no information in over a week. We wanted it here in time for C.J’svisit. He gets here today and NO NEW GUITAR. That SUCKS.

We also watched Æon Flux which was so bad I refuse to even talk about it. See, we have this friend who buys every movie on earth it seems and he just lends random ones to Adam at work so we never know what is coming unless we specifically ask for one. �on Flux had been sitting there forever because I didn’t want to watch it and I basically said get this OUT OF MY HOUSE when it ended. I appreciate all the movies D lends us though just the last two have made me want to poke my eyes out.

Last night we had ice cream cake from Dairy Queen because it was our six month wedding anniversary and we are still married. YAY! Adam got home late from work but still surprised me with the cake and we had to watch 24 on pacific standard time at 9:00pm instead of eastern time at 6pm like we normally do and that was rough because I can hardly stay awake till 9pm. NERD. And now I can hardly even remember what happened in the episode except the President got blown up. He may be dead he may not be I didn’t watch to see what was coming next week I am trying to pull away from doing that because it ruins it. I got cold ice cream chest pains from the cake but other than that it was awesome. I didn’t even have any of my own wedding cake, I don’t know why I just didn’t and the bloody thing cost $250.00 dollars but they left it in the sun and apparently it tasted like gum or something anyway so maybe it is better I didn’t taste it. Assholes I asked them like a million times to get it out of the sun.

Yesterday I told myself that I was NOT GOING TO pick at my face anymore. And today already I am picking my face. I pick at everything � ingrown hairs in my legs, bikini line I used to try and pick zits and ingrown hairs on Adam too but because it is part of my anxiety disorder and the fact I have a therapist he won�t play into it. It really pisses me off when I see the best black head ever on him and HE WON�T LET ME POP IT! But it is supposed to teach me self control of some shit and apparently not everyone likes other people popping their zits and black heads. WHO KNEW. And I�m glad I ended up marrying one �cept in the past I could destroy someone else�s skin and not my own. I am TRYING to tell myself over and over STOP PICKING. STOP PICKING. I�ve even asked all my chin hairs to grow in at the same time and at the same degree of thickness for easier plucking and fuck �em they won�t.

Also, totally unrelated I have a problem with drool.

I have a deviated septum in my left nostril. I don�t know how I got it. I THINK I remember my left nostril always being a little bitch growing up so I don�t think it is from any drug use I may or may not have taken part in during the �interesting behavior� days of my early 20�s. Basically, this is an invitation for snoring and when I get a cold, forget about it. We have a humidifier it doesn�t do too much, our apartment is really old with one pane glass and black mold on the ceiling in the bathroom so technically we are lucky to even be alive in here also I�M lucky because Adam is not bothered by my snoring it doesn�t wake him up. I also really hate that it makes me constantly sniffly and it always sounds like I need to blow my nose but I won�t have the surgery because the ear nose and throat specialist I saw that I was referred to see on account of one of those three possibly causing my headaches it was discovered I had the deviated septum because the camera went up and stopped DEAD it felt AWESOME even with my nostril frozen I felt that holy crap did I � sorry � I decided I would not have the surgery because she said it was extremely painful. Lately since I have now had [u]ass surgery[/u] with complications AND collar bone surgery I am considering it and chuckle at my turning it down years ago because of its apparent painfulness after the surgery I had last [u]February[/u].

With a gift card left over from our wedding we recently bought new sheets I have a pretty extreme obsession with matching sheets and duvet covers and we have been putting thought into stuff we buy now because we know sort of what direction we want to head in �apartment look wise� when we FINALLY move so we got black and dark brown sheets. I am actually glad we never got any of the sheets we registered for that fit our mattress because even though we ended up going with the same brand we completely changed colors. OTHER matching sheet sets I have had in the past have been LIGHT.

Although I always knew I drooled I didn�t know I could flood a river. Black and dark brown sheets are already harder up keep which I don�t mind because they look great BUT are now literally covered in my drool- I�m pissed. With Adam�s job he gets little nicks and cuts that aren�t always obvious so I was super excited that there�d be no more trying to scrub out missed �that really needed a band aid� stains some that just would not come out and now I�m tres embarrassed about my overly obvious drooling and the funny thing is no one needed to know but Adam and I but I�m still embarrassed about it and I�m a drama queen and this is my blog so why not tell you all?

So [u]Pat Quinn[/u] is a stripper and the commercial he does advertising his kind of stripping is marketed so perfectly I purchased some [u]Breathe Right Strips[/u] thinking THIS would enable me to sleep with my mouth closed limiting my drooling. To no avail baby, to no avail. I am a drool machine I wish I could bottle it and sell it. And worst of all I can�t believe I didn�t know- I can�t believe I had sheet colors that hid it all this time. I can�t even bare to think of how many nights and mornings Adam has watched me sleeping peacefully in what should be a sweet moment between him and my sleeping subconscious only to be staring at dried drool, highlighted with fresh drool.

I�m too sexy for myself.

As someone who already spells bad I have a pretty big issue with the new Will Smith movie The Pursuit of Happyness being spelt HAPPYNESS. Let’s all teach kids to spell bad. I had extra help in spelling and still can’t spell, spelling is hard. I know proper grammar I simply don’t use it. I spend a lot of time checking the dictionary and making sure I’m using the right spelling. Which I might add is very hard if you already can’t spell the bloody word sometimes looking it up is futile. If it was some legal issue like a movie or something already being called ‘The Pursuit of HAPPINESS’ then they should have named the movie something else. This is also a word I used to continuously spell wrong because I would spell it how it sounded. HAPPYNESS is not in the dictionary.
Maybe this happens all the time and my spelling is simply so bad I have never noticed and now that they have done it with an easy word I’m all up in arms, that’d be funny.
Whatever the reason I don’t really care it is going to be a huge movie for a while and it is promoting bad spelling and I am against that.

Christopher Bate made me this because he is awesome.

The Bateman also got the same Neko Case shirt as Stephanie and I. Basically I think that someone should Photoshop all the photos together and that we should email Neko Case through myspace and tell her how cool we are.

Ps. Due to Rad only Admission ‘The Carlson’s’ sold out and was RAD some jerks got in for serious but the Sock Monkey Army took care of it.

I don�t really understand why there are still crosswalks. Maybe in small towns like where I�m from it is cool to wave and shit after making someone stop for you with no red light to coax them. One crosswalk by this McDonalds I go to when I feel like eating the real 5 star expensive shit reminds me of some sick game. Because I�m a narcissist if there is a crosswalk I will walk out into it. I don�t even always look both ways I just EXPECT the driver to see me and follow the rules of the road and stop. In this day and age these are very unfortunate expectations and I am going to get myself killed. Walking around with me in a crosswalk area [the whole city] is like walking around with a 5 year old. I�ve had so many shirts ruined from people grabbing my back so I don�t get killed I may as well just wear a string bikini and take advantage of the topless laws that people thought were cool for about a day.

Crosswalks help people hold on to nostalgia, give a metropolitan city a feeling of the olden days a feeling I can�t let go of and risk my life for. I�ll look both ways when I jaywalk but I feed into the sick game of beating the car through the cross walk. I also love swearing kicking and yelling at people who almost run me over. Throwing my hands up, making a scene pointing to the crosswalk lines. But they gotta go before I die they have to.

Drivers in Vancouver have enough trouble stopping at red lights and hit people everyday. I wonder if I�d feel guiltier hitting someone blowing a red or blowing a crosswalk. I got rid of my car years ago but I learned to drive in the north in every �northern� condition you can imagine and my father is in a job where growing up I HAD to be good driver or it would A. get back to him FAST and B. I�d make him look bad. I gotta tell you about this one time it was awesome but not but totally awesome.

Terrace has a one lane bridge right�I graduated high school there [I mention this only because I mention three separate northern towns on here a lot and I can imagine it gets kind of confusing if you are regular reader or not whatever I�m just trying to be considerate] when I graded we had a two lane bridge it had been there I think maybe ten years I remember part of the time we lived in Smithers that Terrace still only had the one bridge or maybe it was when we lived in Surrey and my Dad was traveling down there. [the two towns are about two hours apart and I lived in both for almost the same time each] Anyways now you can use both. I was parked waiting to head across and there was one car in front of me. On the out of town side the first car is always completely flat and then from the second car up there is a gradual increase in non flatness. I have always driven standard. Automatics are for pussies although I would buy one living in the city and have never had a problem admitting I�m a pussy anyway. So I have one foot on the clutch and my other foot on the break and I illegally turn back to grab something from my back seat. When I turn back around there is a woman not even a scary one knocking on my window. I roll it down and she tells me I rear ended her. OK. I was 18, I didn�t care at all I knew I hadn�t done anything it didn�t even register with me and I didn�t tell my Dad. I have had only two speeding tickets in my life and having to tell my Dad was scary like being scared is times ten. I didn�t think it was necessary to tell him which means it was nothing.

I�m at work one day and my Dad calls me he asks me �were you in an accident at the bridge on such and such yadda yadda� I�m all snotty teenager �umm no like I think I�d of like told you like holy look where you work OH YEAH WAIT A MINUTE� so I tell him what happened. I have never had a very good memory but still. I get off the phone and less than five minutes later the lady walks in and says something to the affect of she just reported what happened and I�m sorry but my back and neck really hurt and you did rear end me excreta while I stare blankly at her without missing a beat and quickly explain that I KNOW my dad works there he JUST called and although because it involves me he can�t handle it as my DAD he of course called and asked me about it.

JAW smashed into the floor too bad about her face.

The people came and looked at my car they measured my seat belt my bumper proving right then and there not only was I not lying but there had been no impact period. But then she actually had the balls to sue me I don�t know if she just thought my Dad working there superseded the law so he could some how get me out of doing NOTHING but talk about moron you�ve already been caught and then you sue me? Turned out she�d been ripping this company off on other claims and mine was not the only one but you�d think when not only do you get caught but you get caught because you �fake hit� someone who�s father works at the company you�d get your head out of your ass but nope. Needless to say she lost I still have all the paper work from being served although I was not there I had already moved out by this time and it was for some ridiculous amount too. I was really pissed though holy I could not believe that she had backed her car up to make it look like I had hit her and was suing ME. I should have been suing HER.

I basically learned that asshole con artists live in small towns too and that being sued is fun only if you know you are going to win.