Last night we had ice cream cake from Dairy Queen because it was our six month wedding anniversary and we are still married. YAY! Adam got home late from work but still surprised me with the cake and we had to watch 24 on pacific standard time at 9:00pm instead of eastern time at 6pm like we normally do and that was rough because I can hardly stay awake till 9pm. NERD. And now I can hardly even remember what happened in the episode except the President got blown up. He may be dead he may not be I didn’t watch to see what was coming next week I am trying to pull away from doing that because it ruins it. I got cold ice cream chest pains from the cake but other than that it was awesome. I didn’t even have any of my own wedding cake, I don’t know why I just didn’t and the bloody thing cost $250.00 dollars but they left it in the sun and apparently it tasted like gum or something anyway so maybe it is better I didn’t taste it. Assholes I asked them like a million times to get it out of the sun.

Yesterday I told myself that I was NOT GOING TO pick at my face anymore. And today already I am picking my face. I pick at everything � ingrown hairs in my legs, bikini line I used to try and pick zits and ingrown hairs on Adam too but because it is part of my anxiety disorder and the fact I have a therapist he won�t play into it. It really pisses me off when I see the best black head ever on him and HE WON�T LET ME POP IT! But it is supposed to teach me self control of some shit and apparently not everyone likes other people popping their zits and black heads. WHO KNEW. And I�m glad I ended up marrying one �cept in the past I could destroy someone else�s skin and not my own. I am TRYING to tell myself over and over STOP PICKING. STOP PICKING. I�ve even asked all my chin hairs to grow in at the same time and at the same degree of thickness for easier plucking and fuck �em they won�t.

Also, totally unrelated I have a problem with drool.

I have a deviated septum in my left nostril. I don�t know how I got it. I THINK I remember my left nostril always being a little bitch growing up so I don�t think it is from any drug use I may or may not have taken part in during the �interesting behavior� days of my early 20�s. Basically, this is an invitation for snoring and when I get a cold, forget about it. We have a humidifier it doesn�t do too much, our apartment is really old with one pane glass and black mold on the ceiling in the bathroom so technically we are lucky to even be alive in here also I�M lucky because Adam is not bothered by my snoring it doesn�t wake him up. I also really hate that it makes me constantly sniffly and it always sounds like I need to blow my nose but I won�t have the surgery because the ear nose and throat specialist I saw that I was referred to see on account of one of those three possibly causing my headaches it was discovered I had the deviated septum because the camera went up and stopped DEAD it felt AWESOME even with my nostril frozen I felt that holy crap did I � sorry � I decided I would not have the surgery because she said it was extremely painful. Lately since I have now had [u]ass surgery[/u] with complications AND collar bone surgery I am considering it and chuckle at my turning it down years ago because of its apparent painfulness after the surgery I had last [u]February[/u].

With a gift card left over from our wedding we recently bought new sheets I have a pretty extreme obsession with matching sheets and duvet covers and we have been putting thought into stuff we buy now because we know sort of what direction we want to head in �apartment look wise� when we FINALLY move so we got black and dark brown sheets. I am actually glad we never got any of the sheets we registered for that fit our mattress because even though we ended up going with the same brand we completely changed colors. OTHER matching sheet sets I have had in the past have been LIGHT.

Although I always knew I drooled I didn�t know I could flood a river. Black and dark brown sheets are already harder up keep which I don�t mind because they look great BUT are now literally covered in my drool- I�m pissed. With Adam�s job he gets little nicks and cuts that aren�t always obvious so I was super excited that there�d be no more trying to scrub out missed �that really needed a band aid� stains some that just would not come out and now I�m tres embarrassed about my overly obvious drooling and the funny thing is no one needed to know but Adam and I but I�m still embarrassed about it and I�m a drama queen and this is my blog so why not tell you all?

So [u]Pat Quinn[/u] is a stripper and the commercial he does advertising his kind of stripping is marketed so perfectly I purchased some [u]Breathe Right Strips[/u] thinking THIS would enable me to sleep with my mouth closed limiting my drooling. To no avail baby, to no avail. I am a drool machine I wish I could bottle it and sell it. And worst of all I can�t believe I didn�t know- I can�t believe I had sheet colors that hid it all this time. I can�t even bare to think of how many nights and mornings Adam has watched me sleeping peacefully in what should be a sweet moment between him and my sleeping subconscious only to be staring at dried drool, highlighted with fresh drool.

I�m too sexy for myself.

As someone who already spells bad I have a pretty big issue with the new Will Smith movie The Pursuit of Happyness being spelt HAPPYNESS. Let’s all teach kids to spell bad. I had extra help in spelling and still can’t spell, spelling is hard. I know proper grammar I simply don’t use it. I spend a lot of time checking the dictionary and making sure I’m using the right spelling. Which I might add is very hard if you already can’t spell the bloody word sometimes looking it up is futile. If it was some legal issue like a movie or something already being called ‘The Pursuit of HAPPINESS’ then they should have named the movie something else. This is also a word I used to continuously spell wrong because I would spell it how it sounded. HAPPYNESS is not in the dictionary.
Maybe this happens all the time and my spelling is simply so bad I have never noticed and now that they have done it with an easy word I’m all up in arms, that’d be funny.
Whatever the reason I don’t really care it is going to be a huge movie for a while and it is promoting bad spelling and I am against that.

Christopher Bate made me this because he is awesome.

The Bateman also got the same Neko Case shirt as Stephanie and I. Basically I think that someone should Photoshop all the photos together and that we should email Neko Case through myspace and tell her how cool we are.

Ps. Due to Rad only Admission ‘The Carlson’s’ sold out and was RAD some jerks got in for serious but the Sock Monkey Army took care of it.

I don�t really understand why there are still crosswalks. Maybe in small towns like where I�m from it is cool to wave and shit after making someone stop for you with no red light to coax them. One crosswalk by this McDonalds I go to when I feel like eating the real 5 star expensive shit reminds me of some sick game. Because I�m a narcissist if there is a crosswalk I will walk out into it. I don�t even always look both ways I just EXPECT the driver to see me and follow the rules of the road and stop. In this day and age these are very unfortunate expectations and I am going to get myself killed. Walking around with me in a crosswalk area [the whole city] is like walking around with a 5 year old. I�ve had so many shirts ruined from people grabbing my back so I don�t get killed I may as well just wear a string bikini and take advantage of the topless laws that people thought were cool for about a day.

Crosswalks help people hold on to nostalgia, give a metropolitan city a feeling of the olden days a feeling I can�t let go of and risk my life for. I�ll look both ways when I jaywalk but I feed into the sick game of beating the car through the cross walk. I also love swearing kicking and yelling at people who almost run me over. Throwing my hands up, making a scene pointing to the crosswalk lines. But they gotta go before I die they have to.

Drivers in Vancouver have enough trouble stopping at red lights and hit people everyday. I wonder if I�d feel guiltier hitting someone blowing a red or blowing a crosswalk. I got rid of my car years ago but I learned to drive in the north in every �northern� condition you can imagine and my father is in a job where growing up I HAD to be good driver or it would A. get back to him FAST and B. I�d make him look bad. I gotta tell you about this one time it was awesome but not but totally awesome.

Terrace has a one lane bridge right�I graduated high school there [I mention this only because I mention three separate northern towns on here a lot and I can imagine it gets kind of confusing if you are regular reader or not whatever I�m just trying to be considerate] when I graded we had a two lane bridge it had been there I think maybe ten years I remember part of the time we lived in Smithers that Terrace still only had the one bridge or maybe it was when we lived in Surrey and my Dad was traveling down there. [the two towns are about two hours apart and I lived in both for almost the same time each] Anyways now you can use both. I was parked waiting to head across and there was one car in front of me. On the out of town side the first car is always completely flat and then from the second car up there is a gradual increase in non flatness. I have always driven standard. Automatics are for pussies although I would buy one living in the city and have never had a problem admitting I�m a pussy anyway. So I have one foot on the clutch and my other foot on the break and I illegally turn back to grab something from my back seat. When I turn back around there is a woman not even a scary one knocking on my window. I roll it down and she tells me I rear ended her. OK. I was 18, I didn�t care at all I knew I hadn�t done anything it didn�t even register with me and I didn�t tell my Dad. I have had only two speeding tickets in my life and having to tell my Dad was scary like being scared is times ten. I didn�t think it was necessary to tell him which means it was nothing.

I�m at work one day and my Dad calls me he asks me �were you in an accident at the bridge on such and such yadda yadda� I�m all snotty teenager �umm no like I think I�d of like told you like holy look where you work OH YEAH WAIT A MINUTE� so I tell him what happened. I have never had a very good memory but still. I get off the phone and less than five minutes later the lady walks in and says something to the affect of she just reported what happened and I�m sorry but my back and neck really hurt and you did rear end me excreta while I stare blankly at her without missing a beat and quickly explain that I KNOW my dad works there he JUST called and although because it involves me he can�t handle it as my DAD he of course called and asked me about it.

JAW smashed into the floor too bad about her face.

The people came and looked at my car they measured my seat belt my bumper proving right then and there not only was I not lying but there had been no impact period. But then she actually had the balls to sue me I don�t know if she just thought my Dad working there superseded the law so he could some how get me out of doing NOTHING but talk about moron you�ve already been caught and then you sue me? Turned out she�d been ripping this company off on other claims and mine was not the only one but you�d think when not only do you get caught but you get caught because you �fake hit� someone who�s father works at the company you�d get your head out of your ass but nope. Needless to say she lost I still have all the paper work from being served although I was not there I had already moved out by this time and it was for some ridiculous amount too. I was really pissed though holy I could not believe that she had backed her car up to make it look like I had hit her and was suing ME. I should have been suing HER.

I basically learned that asshole con artists live in small towns too and that being sued is fun only if you know you are going to win.

I got kicked out of a book club. It was a few years ago now. I was the youngest one in the group in my mid 20�s with a bunch of women in their early to mid 30�s all very successful in their jobs they all totally thought they were the shit and probably even thought some one else should wipe their asses for them too.

In walks me little miss non conformist, depressed as usual, loud mouth had no problem pointing out the differences in the societal classes we came from which big surprise- pissed them off. Maybe [b]I[/b] made it a big deal I don�t know but almost all of them irritated me from the start. There was one girl who was ok, she it turned out had been cleaning my teeth for years at the dentist but she never had a pretentious attitude and we�d always gotten along well, still do.

The women who started this particular book club IN MY OPINION took it way too fucking serious, one of them was ok, she moved away though, one still lives in my building I have very mixed feelings on her, I still see her we �chat� at the mail box, there is more there than just book club, her and her husband are both involved in positive and negative ways in my life enough for a different post that I will probably never write. The third and final woman who started the club is vile I can�t stand her. I know coming from someone who takes checking the mail every day seriously that it may seem surprising that I think they went overboard on the seriousness but they did. But I was really out of my element. I was still completely crazy to the max and was jealous to the max of ALLLLLL their fucking stupid success but I still think they were close minded overly conservative bitches even YEARS later so there. And I have never in my life been known to do well or get along well with women in group situations that take place on any kind of regular basis. Reason numero uno I keep all of my friendships separate. I am a one on one friend or one couple on one couple kinda gal. I am not a swinger though.

Even if you are just talking about books you do really get a feeling for people I mean shit the feeling was mutual I couldn�t stand any of them and they had a meeting about how I just didn�t fit in with my foul mouth and rating their book choices 0.5�s [I only did that ONCE and the book fucking sucked but as least I fucking read it!] If you are only going to pick top selling books everyone and their mother is already going to read anyway I�m going to rate them accordingly. I THOUGHT the book club was to like branch out and read different stuff and get a feeling for different genres and a place where I could be HONEST and have REAL discussions. I guess not. People often feel threatened and put off and sometimes intimidated by me because I�m �different�. But instead of accepting those differences these bitches just decided they�d be fine without me. FINE go back to your bullshit drunk fests, I�ll go read books with people who have open minds and can handle having a book they picked- PICKED didn�t write only picked- picked apart. I KNOW I can also be a lot to take if you don�t know me but it was a classic case of the cattle following the herd, if there had been men in this book club I�d of been fine in fact I would NEVER join another book club that men were not welcome in. They were not welcome in that one- it had some totally fucking gaydar name too I wish I could remember it.

I actually left before they kicked me out because I knew of the �meeting� and thought it was a bunch of bullshit and left one of the founders a message saying they were all much too conservative for me and should practice some open mindedness and that was that.

I was fed up anyway. The book I had picked �The Wasp Factory� by Iain Banks a kick ass gothic horror story, macabre, yet filled with dark over the top humor was something completely different from any novel ever picked by their stupid group. I personally felt it was time to test the boundaries and see just how close minded they were and OH were they. Half of them would not even read it, I think five people if that showed up for the meeting I hosted. So why are you in a book club if you can pretty much only handle Danielle Steel novels? They refused to read it because it apparently gave them nightmares and they didn�t like it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I read your piece of shit �Hotel World� by Ali Smith that sucked shit and was the book I gave a 0.5 I read someone else�s horrid pick of �The God who Begat a Jackal� by Nega Mezlekia which was so bad I almost laughed myself to death but gave it a six or something because I liked that it was based in Africa.

So I don�t know I guess I�ve always thought it pretty fucking crazy I got kicked out of a book club, I�m used to not fitting in but when it comes to books that was a shocker but then I realized it was the women, including myself, and not the books.

[b]Ok so I’ve been busy[/b] and I haven’t been ‘writing’ much but I have lots going on up in the head I just gotta get it down. In the mean time here are a million and six photos from the last few days. Rilah has an actual post up on the ones of us and other cool pregnant chick stuff.