So I will go BULLETS on you.

• Every single time one of us sits at the computer Gus jumps straight onto a lap she has her head buried in my arm right now. She is the most adorably cute annoying cat in the world.

• Adam hurt himself at work and has been off here and there and so I’ve had to carry some heavy shit and;

1. it made me wonder how the hell I was ever as independent as I was
2. someone held the back door to the apartment building open for me, I made it all the way up the stairs to my floor and swung the door open so I could let it hit me in the back to go through but I didn’t move far enough over and the door knob NAILED me so hard that it happened on Monday and I still have pain shooting in a couple of directions and a massive LUMP.

• COMING SOON!!! HUGE and I mean HUGE MOOOOO-VIE post. While we make monkeys we watch movies, mostly movies we’ve seen or I watch them twice or vise versa, some will be old and some will be new movies. I feel that my one liner-ish reviews are generally better than if I go all out anyway.

• Speaking of movies, and forgive me as I’ll probably repeat some of this somewhere down the road but I FINALLY got my hands on a copy of Into the Wild BUT now I’m afraid to watch it, WHY? Because see, I read the book in April 2005 [NERD ALERT/reminder: I date all of my books when I finish them] I have also read most of Jon Krakauer’s other books. The book Into the Wild is a 199 pages, with epilogue 203. I had this funny feeling having just watched two movies of perfect length so I looked at Into the Wild and saw that it is 143 minutes. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m now convinced that Krakauer and Penn are conspiring against all of man kind, how the HECK does a 199 page book become a 143 minute movie? Krakauer wrote Into the Wild before he became known for being an arrogant thinks he knows it all, extremely repetitive journalist [NOT SAYING HE HASN’T BEEN THROUGH A LOT re: Everest] but seriously is half this fucking movie going to be Penn and Krakauer masturbating their egos and Krakauer getting us back for writing such a short book in comparison? I guess I’ll see once I watch it.

• Also coming soon a very personal review of Dry, Augusten Burroughs, [who has a new book out on April 29 YAY!] and I wasn’t planning on reviewing it at all but I have a few things to say about The Last Days of Socrates, Plato. Once I start talking about the damn Socrates I can’t shut up now, I feel similar to how I felt after I read 1984.

• OUR CAMERA IS BROKEN!!!!!! On one hand I feel really lame getting so upset over a materialistic possession but our camera is not just a play toy for us anymore we NEED it for our business so we are pretty stressed about it or rather I am, Adam doesn’t really stress much about anything in life. I have a couple tricks up my sleeve to hopefully get some photos of two monkeys that will be done this weekend and HOPEFULLY by the time the Jedi one is done THAT IS RIGHT A JEDI ONE, the camera will be fixed. I don’t pray but if you do please say a prayer for our new business. All start ups have glitches. We’ve officially hit a glitch.

• I finally had the pleasure of meeting Raul over the last weekend at Tanya’s housewarming party. I am like the last blogger in Vancouver to meet him I think. He was everything he has been talked up to be and more! I was the one at the party with the sippy cup. I had every intention of joining y’all at Every Third Tuesday this month because the Hamburgler [Monica Hamburg] was the speaker, I call her a friend, she doesn’t read my blog, that is cool man, but she is rad, I heard she did a great job, sorry I missed it, been taking care of my dear husband yo.

• We now have our FOURTH coffee pot in less than two years. The first one I broke in a tantrum of mass destruction, although I was not TRYING to break the coffee pot I just forcefully put it under the tap and knocked it into something. THEN Sarah and Jack bought us a rad coffee pot for a wedding gift [can’t find the post re: FUCKED archives] but even though we know at least four other couples/people who have that coffee pot and they ALL still have it ours broke!! WOOOOOOOOOOO! RIGHT after the warranty was done, probably the day after. I then bought a $24.99 twelve cup coffee pot, cheapest one I could find. Last week the heating plate went on it. Adam likes burnt coffee I blame him. SO I bought YET another coffee pot, and this one makes loud noises and I want to throw it out the window and I don’t have the box to take it back because I am a recycling freak and actually get excited about the amount of things I have to recycle and FUCK now I have to wait out this shit coffee pot, watch it last ten years, seriously.

Ps. Dr. Vegas is always a mentor to the Sock Monkeys, he always gives em’ some advice before they leave our infantry but this particular monkey the Dr. really took to. They had a pretty awesome jam session before he departed, Vegas has already shown off his guitar though so he took it off for the photo.

Just over a month ago now Jack Smynde sent me a link to Threadless it was a very specific link to a ‘sock battle’ t-shirt. I HAD TO HAVE IT!!!!!! I also ordered one for Adam he is wearing his RIGHT NOW as well. I’m trying to talk him into wearing them out to a party like say next weekend just once at the same time, one time NERD ALERT, but I think it would be adorable and then NEVER AGAIN!

The shirts took a while to arrive but it was worth the wait. I LOVE IT. The moment I laid eyes on it I thought TROGDOR MEETS THE SOCK MONKEY MAY HE BURNINATE HIM! [respectfully] And the fact that the sock Trogdoresque puppet is NOT ONLY spitting fire but that the monkey is shooting back at him with SEWING NEEDLES. GENIUS.

This Threadless online t-shirt site could very well end up being the last place I ever by a t-shirt from. Granted we did order two more t-shirts recently from T-Shirthell but it was really hard to choose given the content of them but we finally found two awesome ones, and we thank sister uno for them.

Here is a medley of shots of me in the t-shirt because I needed to take one for the Threadless website and well who the hell wouldn’t want to show off a t-shirt this cool?

Somewhere back in 2005 Adam asked me what my natural hair colour was.

Blonde. I was pretty sure he’d seen some of my baby photos and photos taken throughout my twenties, we’d been together no less than two years when he asked and if memory serves it was on our September 30^th 2005 anniversary that we got engaged. I know it is terrible I don’t remember the exact date but I remember how he proposed so I think that’s good enough.

Anyway point being he was bothered. He did not like my hair. The colour was choppy, bad highlights or lowlights or whatever and although I was a natural blonde you really couldn’t tell. He asked me nicely if I would be willing to grow it out. My hair was half way down my back at this point and I somehow I had myself convinced I could do it in under a year and that I’d have it all ready for the wedding.

Now I don’t want a post about my silly hair to be long but there is a reason I’m mentioning it.

I cut it as short as I could handle it, had it coloured to match my roots and waited. I found out real quick that having it coloured to match my roots was a waste of time and money so I only tried to match it once. My hair grows incredibly fast but not fast enough when you are getting married. There has been ZERO colour put in it in any way shape or form since that realization.

When we got married on August 26^th 2006 it looked like this,

It is now 2008 and I am STILL growing in my natural colour, so much for it taking a year, my stylist ventures a guess it’ll take one more cut. But for the last year every time I get my hair cut I don’t just get lovely people telling me it looks wonderful they always add in ‘you changed your hair colour again’. And then I say you wanna know a secret? It’s my natural colour. I love it and not just because it gets a lot of compliments.

So for the record this is my natural hair colour in all of its glory. It is dirty blonde, red, and brown with some black as night strands thrown in for good measure. It makes sense to me actually to stick to my natural hair colour seeing as other than mascara you’ll *almost* never see me with makeup on.

I change my mind a lot so it is plainly impossible for me to pick permanent top fives or the limited things I would take If I were stranded on a deserted island all by myself with only five books and a solar powered MP3 player [gasp] that only held 100 songs.

DVDs

1. The Queen
2. Knocked Up
3. The Red Violin
4. Blades of Glory
5. Pretty Woman

Pieces of Clothing

1. Ninja socks [photos to follow]
2. Lounge Fly Hoodie
3. Pirate/Scull slippers
4. Penguin AE boy shorts [American Eagle finally changed the crotch so there is no more insta-toe]
5. Neko Caset-shirt [no really?]

Books I read last year that I think about still

1. The Road, Cormac McCarthy
2. A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini
3. A Long Way Gone, Ishmael Beah
4. Eleanor Rigby, Douglas Coupland
5. 1984, George Orwell

Shows

1. CSI, Las Vegas
2. Ellen Degeneres
3. Gossip Girl
4. Desperate Housewives [although I suddenly feel over this one after how terrible Sunday’s episode was]
5. American Gladiators
   

PS2 Games

1. Guitar Hero III
2. Guitar Hero III
3. Guitar Hero III
4. Guitar Hero II
5. Guitar Hero

Thankful for

1. Adam
2. my parents
3. baby Steps with my in-laws
4. Gus
5. my job
   

Songs

1. Black Helicopter, Matthew Good
2. No One, Alicia Keys
3. Hex, Neko Case
4. Queen B, Puscifer
5. So Not Over, Big Sugar

Movies I want to see

1. Into the Wild
2. Elizabeth - The Golden Age
3. Juno
4. Atonement
5. The Kite Runner

Peeves

1. putting too much sugar in my coffee
2. forgetting reusable bags when we go out
3. renting not one but three bad movies
4. the last Dirt Devil, Broom Vac at London Drugs is this terrible yellow color that I WILL NOT BUY!
5. double danglers

Things I want

1. memory stick
2. Dirt Devil, Broom Vac
3. laptop
4. golf girl pin up left upper arm tattoo
5. new sheets from store on 4th.

Stuff I love

1. CHI Silk Infusion
   
2. my life
3. The Time Traveler’s Wife, so far
4. when it is not windy
5. five starring songs on expert level

Yes, I went out wearing the outfit in the photo, and that outfit is just ONE exhibit in relation to my pleas and WHY I keep asking/telling you folks that someone, Keira, Jennifer, anyone, must for the love of fashion nominate me for ‘What Not to Wear’ and fast I could show up at your place wearing this at ANY TIME!!!!

You’ve all been warned.

No matter how long I live here I can not dress for the weather, no matter how hard I try I am either too hot or too cold.

Let me first tell you what I have on my person and that it was plus one or more degrees when I went out and pissing rain.

• Brown knit, ‘Sneaky Brim Toque’
• Not done hair
• Glasses
• Pink wool, Banana Republic coat
• White mittens
• An umbrella with ALMOST broken open button
• Long sleeve cotton shirt
• 100% wool sweater (with fleece lined neck)
• Jeans
• Wigwam socks
• Wellies
• A bag

Can you say over heat much? Today was ridiculous, I felt like I weighed a million pounds, not good for any day let alone the first day I leave my house to also test my back out. I had to wear my Banana Republic coat and not my Helly Hansen snowboard jacket [even though SKIING IS WHERE IT IS AT!!!!!] because my jacket is BRIGHT orange and would have looked worse than I already did in my coat and wellies, I think.

I needed some panties because I have lost what I fondly refer to as my newlywed comfort weight and am back in a size small panty, I needed a shirt for a Christmas party Saturday night - I found one - which led to needing a new bra which I got in a 34B and not a 32C yet I have lost weight. You tell me. Christmas or not my outfit will have pink.

By the time I got to Payless to look for winter boots for our trip up North I was dripping in sweat and had remembered three times over that I had forgotten my RE-USE-ABLE BAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When this happened to Adam he walked home from the grocery store with the groceries in his arms, hands and pockets to teach himself a lesson. I think my outfit was lesson enough and you can’t walk around other stores with panties hanging out of your pockets.

Even though I got boots at Payless I MAY end up taking them back they were seventy something dollars after taxes at PAYLESS?? The more I think about it the more wrong it seems.

Today is a perfect example of WHY I let Adam dress me. From now on when people ask me WHY or look at me funny when I say my husband dresses me [as long as he is home!] they will be referred to this post.

AND on the walk home it started to rain hardish and the umbrella with ALMOST broken open button, BROKE and would not open and my fingers got extremely sore and red and cold. I tossed it because it was poking my anger spot.

Posted because I mentioned it and then Brrr said TELL ME!

I thought there was only one time I had gotten all excited and giddy over seeing celebrities in Vancouver and then I remembered the other time the JT time. Not sure how I forgot that one.

I don’t have a lot of patience even when fully medicated. One of many things I blame on being an only child.

I had my parent’s car because they were vacationing and had driven it down from the North to fly out from YVR. Parts of my memory are very sketchy here but I’m pretty sure I was still addicted to US Magazine at the time to the point where I almost needed an intervention and had parked on the side street next to the 7-11 leaving Adam in the car so I wouldn’t get a ticket and ran in to get one. I was trying to turn right when all of this obnoxious honking broke out and traffic kind of stopped and I was starting to get irritated and mad because I couldn’t turn when I looked up and saw none other than Justin Timberlake and went from irritated and mad to holy shit that’s Justin Timberlake I can’t think I can’t drive what do I do? And I had Adam with me so I had to act it down man. He was in a huge Cadillac Escalade and I don’t know if Cameron was in there because the back windows were tinted. I know she was in the city though because photos in US Magazine showed them together on Robson Street. I seem to remember he was here filming with Kevin Spacey but I don’t think I’ve seen a movie come out with those two and I’ve never looked it up to confirm its validity. But it was not for a concert. I managed to make my turn and was trying to get Adam to dial numbers on my cell phone for me so I could scream I JUST SAW JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE but he was not very co-operative. Go figure. It happened really fast and all but I still saw him.

BUT the real time the main time that I was like HOLY SHIT was in early 2000 when Ryan Phillippe was here filming The Way of the Gun, Reese Witherspoon was here with him and their daughter Ava was barely Zorro size and Reese had her in a snuggly.

I was walking to work and I saw them standing on the corner I was to turn left on and therefore walked past them did a quick look back was like HOLY that was cool and walked into MacDonald’s to get some breakfast. The place was suspiciously empty.
I was taking my time reviewing the menu when in they walked and I was still the only person in there. I remember Ryan had really bad skin and I thought HA. I did not speak to them. All the Macdonald’s ladies had crazy smiles on their faces. Ryan walked up and grabbed a copy of The Vancouver Sun and brought it over to where Reese was standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME and showed her a picture of Jennifer Lopez on the top section of the cover as a preview of ‘celebrity award show fashion’ and said to Reese, “SEE THAT is what she wore”. It was the infamous [deep V] Versace. And it was SO REAL. It was like they were normal people or something.

I thought I had read Microserfs by Douglas Coupland because I started reading his books in 1997 and used to read my old roommates copies before I became so anal I will only read books I own and so I have a lot of books. My mom gave me a gift card for books [drool] for Christmas and so I bought it because I need it for my collection of Coupland novels and DID NOT order his newest one which obviously I need to own and read [jPod] because I needed to make sure I had read Microserfs first.

Turns out I have not read it because I�d remember this. The main character has a thing for Jeopardy and he in part describes his characters by placing them all into their own top seven Jeopardy categories.

The other night the final Jeopardy question was something about a country bordering China and Russia and I guessed Kazakhstan as Adam went running for the globe and I yelled out NO CHEATING and I WAS RIGHT AND ADAM DIDN’T GET IT. I jumped up and clapped, performed a wee jig and I got a high five too. It isn’t that I don’t EVER get final Jeopardy it is that Adam could win Jeopardy win a few shows in a row kinda deal so it was that he didn’t know it at all- it isn’t often that if one of us doesn’t know the answer that it is him and it just slipped off my tongue like I’d been there.

MY top seven Jeopardy categories would be:

John Denver
Cleaning products
Serial Killers
House Cats
Athletes
1985 Honda Civics
Spelling how it sounds

Ps. the book is about nerds and Microsoft back in the day.
Pps. it is rather good.
Ppps. if you like nerds.