When I get sick I am a pretty big baby combine that with seasonal allergies and night time barfing and things have been fantastic!

Boooo last Friday I had to cancel therapy re: being sick, no girl time re: being sick and I had only been looking forward to that for WEEKS! Adam is sick as well so we’ve been passing this shit back and forth and at first I wasn’t snotty I just felt EXTRA balloon migraine head with MILD head cold, NOW I’m getting full head cold and snotty. YAY! I’ve been having really awesome night sweats as well and I haven’t been forgetting to take my crazy people tits and so therefore I can not pin point a reason other than being SICK.

In other news, The Greeper has a new place that she likes to sleep. Pretty exciting shit eh? I know, I thought so too until it turned out she’s serious and has taken over half the spot I sleep in. She has of course had other phases, other places she goes back to. The fashion box, the tent, I’m sure she will get bored of sleeping right below BUT almost ON my pillow soon.

Our camera is not back from being fixed yet so we had to buy a back up one. We couldn’t delay the monkeys any more due to lack of photos, but at the same time we HAVE to be able to take photos of our product. This issue of course led us into a discussion of other things that could happen to slow us down, when we are just about done with a lot of the start up necessities and can now work on picking up our production pace. I mentioned that there would come a time that we’d make a monkey, look at it, hate it or it would not meet our quality standards and we’d have to start over. Really, did I say that out loud? Because it happened the monkey after I said it! YAY! We have informed the buyer, I figure honesty is best, there is only two of us and both of us had a hand in it sucking so we’ve had to start over. Now we have a physically challenged monkey in our apartment, at least Dr. Vegas finally has a monkey that isn’t going anywhere to play with mostly because it is blind and can’t speak. Once that red thread goes on for the mouth the suckers don’t shut up. Banana this, poo in your face that.

My Dad is supposed to be dropping two boxes of stuff off to Adam and I on Saturday, some of my stuff, some stuff they are giving us, some stuff that has been in the family forever that I am taking because I’m the last member of our family and I don’t want it leaving the family till I die I guess. Small problem though, my Dad and I got into one of our infamous fights today. Oh how I love them. Always in regards to the exact same issue(s) hidden by topics seemingly cloaked in difference that spread years, weeks, months some just days - we some how manage to piss each other off regularly even when not in big fights. My mom is going to be all upset now and that’ll be my entire fault too, I’m sure. Super awesome, we both resort to behavior befitting that of two year olds and just generally spin in circles for a while. Fun times. We have worked hard on things as a family but my Dad and I, man we’ll just always scrap, sadly that is just how we are, we can’t seem to communicate in any sort of healthy way. Wonder how many more phases this move to Bali holds in store for us.

Just finished my fifth book of the year leaving me three behind my minimum quota for 2008, I will get off my ass and post on them soon. This year has been good so far aside from The Time Travelers Wife. EWWWW.

I just got back from my third Chiropractor visit and I am for sure going to go in again on Monday after I work as I’m thinking I’ll be working Monday. Yesterday’s test trek had positives and negatives in relation to the healing of the back.

I’ll regress a bit:

Most of you are familiar with my constant comments I make about my headaches, I have yet to do a post actually explaining them, but they are partially related to my neck and back. The majority of the time I suffer chronic head pain and it leaves my back and neck alone but due to three crashes, one at three years old, one at around twelve and another at twenty my back isn’t right. It isn’t right at all. I also do not handle stress well and tend to hold the extra that isn’t making my head pound in my upper back and neck. It often feels like I am being stabbed with multiple knives all throughout my shoulder area. This pain has all been on the left side lower to middle back and left side of my head.

Yesterday I was slightly disappointed that I was able to still feel pain when I went on my mini shopping trip because I had been told to do NOTHING and so I have done nothing to the point where we are washing dishes to use them, Gus could make a nest with my fallen hair, her hair and dust and we’d not see her till spring and I don’t even want to THINK about the bathroom or the laundry situation. Once I got home and stopped moving it settled down but that doesn’t sit well with me because I really need to get this place cleaned before we leave on a jet plane, not to mention get through shifts at work without customers asking me if I am ok.

I’m glad I didn’t make it worse yesterday and I made the right decision not going to Adam’s Christmas party. I am pretty old school that way, If I am off work I don’t feel it is right to be gallivanting off to some party, [testing my back on a two hour trek up Robson in the pouring rain is rather far from heals and free food and drinks on a boat till 10:30pm] I had the camera on me because I thought he wasn’t going out till 8pm-ish and when I phoned him from Payless around 5:30pm to ask: Napoleon Dynamite style moon boots or rip off Uggs when I already knew what he’d say, he was on his way out the door. He looked super dapper when he got home, he’d worn a suit. He has this really sexy brown pinstripe one from Club Monaco, I’d have taken his photo when he got in but I was tired silly. The man has style though, and he approves of the top I bought for the Saturday Christmas party. It is 100% husband approved!

Last night Adam and I were treated by the Bollwitts, Rebecca and John were supposed to attend the Tori Amos concert at The Orpheum but due to Rebecca’s lovely sister celebrating her dirty thirty birthday they were unable to attend.

Happy Birthday Jenny!

Somehow the tickets ended up in our hands and excitement on my part does not even cut it. I hardly had time to let it sink in that we were going and we were out the door. Once, back in 1997 I had tickets to one of her concerts here and ended up going up North to see my parents instead; they had just moved to Prince George that must have had something to do with why I didn’t go and didn’t even sell the tickets, it is one of those memories that I hated because I just never thought I’d get to see her. [as known my headaches make me very picky with my concert choices]

Did I have a headache last night? YES. Did I care? NO. Do I have an after concert headache today? YES. Do I care? NO.

For years I have had to listen to other people’s stories of Tori and her piano bench and regurgitate it in many music conversations whilst admitting I had never really seen her live. That was hadn’t seen her live until last night.

I’d actually never been to a concert with a costume change. Adam said Paula Abdul changed outfits after every two songs. He saw her with Color Me Badd, it was his first concert he went with both his sisters, the Spellbound tour.

Don’t be jealous.

Tori puts on a performance that is so much more than you envision, so much more than you expect even though expectation on anything is silly. I could have sat there and listened to her piano playing alone, the fantastic lyrics and distinct and angelic voice is a bonus, throw in her stage performance, watching her play a piano and a keyboard at the same time, and you’ve got a concert to remember. It was worth the wait, thanks again, Mr. and Mrs. Bollwitt.

I know there are better photos on my phone but I have no idea how to get them off and emailing them to myself is not working. I think I need a memory card or something I am so technology illiterate I almost feel not nerdy enough and it hurts sometimes.

Because my back was out over the weekend and I wasn’t blogging there were two things of note that I did not get to make mention of, Rebecca aka Miss604 celebrated her four year blogging anniversary and changed her blog design and it looks all new and fresh. Congratulations Rebecca, I look forward to many more years of not only your blogging but continuing to get to know yourself and John, it has been a pleasure thus far.

On Sunday, Blogger Buddy and girlfriend Keira whom I met through Rebecca, celebrated a birthday and she is a pretty rad girl that Keira-Anne so I thought I’d mention it and wish her a Happy Belated Birthday!

Yesterday a trade was also completed, an over the border trade with an American, named Jennie Roth, I met her at Johnny America’s birthday party, although we weren’t able to stay long that night and it sucked because cool new people like Jennie were there. We exchanged a toque for a sock monkey pillow, because she saw it and thought of me, YES that is right a SOCK MONKEY PILLOW, check it, some people are so thoughtful it kills me.

Ps. Miss604 is having a Blogiversary Contest:

BLOG/POST about Miss604.com and you could WIN: TWO tickets to see the Vancouver Giants in action and TWO full-day passes (including rental) for Mount Seymour this season.

More details at Miss604.com. Having won her last contest I am staying out of this one but maybe I will see if Adam wants to enter.

This is the first time I have gone this long without posting and one of my parents hasn’t asked if I’m ok. Maybe that is because I’m 30 now? I’ll have to ask them. BASICALLY, I’m still sick. BUT not sick sick, just annoying and stupid mostly dry COUGH sick. It means I can’t work though and I keep having to turn down calls including today I was supposed to work but didn’t because if my cough gets any worse it’ll be hospital bad. I have gotten coughs since I was a kid so I know how to handle them and if I worked in an office I’d go because I feel pretty much fine other than, *normal* to suddenly migraine headaches, sore ribs and a sore back my stomach muscles only start to hurt if I have a full on cough attack and tears are running down my face and I can hardly breath and Adam is all ARE YOU OK? But I can’t answer him I can only flip my head all over the place rolling around like a fish waving my hands like they are flippers. When I worked in offices I’d go in cough a bit and get sent home but at least I went. I knew getting that cold so early in the season was BAD NEWS!

Some of you will remember Mrs. E. my horrid German landlord. I fixed some of the July 2005 archives and there are some stories of her antics under the assholes category and OF COURSE you long term readers will remember this, CLICK HERE NOW. And really that is all you need. And this. Anyway, she was being herself again the other day and cornered Adam about my cough because she says that I cough too much, she doesn’t like it, Adam just walked away from her. I’ve yet to run into her. I can’t wait until I do!

Last night a migraine sent me to bed and I said MY HEAD HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS COUGH IT IS REBELLING. I did not yell it though I said it very quietly. Yelling would be silly. SO I was not able to read before bed last night and I am coming down the home stretch of A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini which is taking a lot longer than normal for me to read because how I feel is dictating when I can read. My friend I lent The Kite Runner to is done it which rules because it means I get my book back. AWESOME.

I didn’t post because I didn’t want to complain and really I am not doing much except not doing things I am asked to which is unlike me and I’m sorry. I have also been coughing all over the key board which is probably what got Adam sick but he is almost better, me not so much BUT I can’t go any longer without posting, blogging is somewhat of a screwy addiction at times.

I am not feeling well, in fact I am feeling ill, I have chills and a really bad even worse than *normal* headache, sore ears a mild fever, a plugged nose and sore throat with sexy voice and cough. To be ’sick as a dog’ you do actually have to be barfing but because the meaning of the term is so sparse on the internet I really don’t care and I’m using it anyway because I’m a baby and I don’t have to be barfing to feel like ass or use the term. I’ll use it if I want to. I’M SICK AS A DOG! I have been since Monday evening, THAT is when it started a small twinge of throat pain entered around 11:30pm after spending some time with friends. As far as I know everyone else is fine. I had a few days of insomnia so maybe I was a target for germs or something because my immune system was weak. I’ll never know. The thing that really bugs me about being sick so early in the year is that normally leads to a season of getting ‘everything’. Last ’season’ I think Adam got really sick once and me twice. And getting a cold is just SO not what it used to be, you’d get sick for a day or two maybe three and then you were fine, good to go, but now everything lasts for bloody EVER, and the flu, or the flu combined with a cold don’t even get me started.

I also hate being sick because all of my co-ordination is thrown off and I can’t play play station, which means NO GUITAR HERO! as if I even had to remind you what it means. I can’t read either, I keep having to read the same sentence over and over and over, so there is little point. I also write really shitty, if you could only see how many words were missing, but you can’t because I’ve read it back over and made it readable.

Unless the Vancouver Civic Strike ends and we could actually go golfing and I’m still sick I won’t start freaking out. I had other things I was going to mention but my head has turned to glue this post is so much more effort than I thought it would be. I’ll be back soon. Or maybe Adam will post if you ask him nice.

So, anyone notice how I haven’t been writing about my depression at all for quite some time now? Me too. For starters I did have to pay the $140.00 for the missed appointment due to the stupid last minute migraine but it turned out it was $140.00 and not $170.00 like I originally thought. Just goes to show that I take it extremely serious and almost never miss sessions anymore like I did in the first couple of years.

Turns out that sleeping almost all week is still progress. Last Friday I walked in and said, “I seriously had THE MOST unproductive week ever”, and he said, “the most”, and I said, “YES, the MOST”. But apparently the work I am doing while awake is still counting for something.

Although I know that it is normal for me to fall into a depressive hole around this time of year I am also being exceptionally avoidant of certain situations but at the same time exercising skills and changes to my behavioral patterns. Right now I am practicing a lot of restraint I am in control of what I do and don’t do, I have always taken responsibility for my actions but this is different in that it is about not reacting to things, not giving people power over me, asking myself is what I am doing or thinking right now empowering me or dis-empowering me? Keeping at this way of living and not being too hard on myself when in my opinion I fail in these areas is a very trying process. Being at the beginning of my fifth year in therapy when my world falls apart around me, I fall a part to Adam, I fall a part to the extent I allow myself to in therapy, even after four full plus years I am still guarded in some areas and I am unable to completely let go in sessions. You know, busting out the ugly cry, it almost NEVER happens. But the thing is I have the skills now to deal with things like an adult, not involving people that needn’t be involved, choosing who I trust with my problems carefully, sitting back and observing a situation fully before reacting. I am at a place in my therapy where I can step outside of myself completly and look in on a situation, see it for exactly what it is, what it isn’t, I can view it with vast clarity. Where the problem comes in is having the confidence in myself to practice it all the time. I’m learning meditation methods to go with the breathing exercises I already know that Adam always asks me if I’ve done before I take an extra Clonazepam. I’m trying to live with a more open mind, a curious mind but with awareness and acceptance of myself and of others, I’m learning to be way less judgmental and focusing on letting go.

Every Friday I walk over the bridge and I sit on the couch but lately it has been different it’s been more about me being fucking awesome and me deserving nothing but fucking awesomeness, I guess the difference is that now I’m at the point in therapy where according to my shrink there is no reason for me not to believe it and making that a daily truth is probably the hardest task I’ve faced in therapy yet, because there is no doubt about it and he does know that I am dealing with some pretty extreme anxiety at present but all I can do is what I am doing and that is try.

Last night I had a brief yet sweet meet up with my BFF from the last half of my grade 12 year in high school. She and her sister went to the Justin Timberlake concert and needed a place to crash. With hind sight I now realize I should have gotten a ticket had I only know because they were RIGHT next to the stage like within get your ass kicked distance if you reach out to far for him tickets that she had extras of and I knew she was selling when she first got them. BUT I am very picky as you know with the shows I see due to my headaches so what can I say? At least I got to see an old friend, she got here around 2:15am I got out of bed and hung out for a bit went back to bed and then got up nice and early and put some FutureSex/LoveSounds on as wake up call music to get them up and out for the ferry. Was seriously awesome to see her even if it was only for a short time.

Despite the nasty headache I’ve had since August 24th I have gotten out a bit more lately as once it sets in for the long haul there isn’t much I can do until it breaks. Yesterday was the first day it didn’t bother me enough to have to take something but then today I had to first because it was bothering me and second I am going to see Holly McNarland tonight at the Vancouver East Cultural Centre.

I started listening to Holly McNarland in 1996 shortly after her EP Sour Pie was released. I was working at Future Shop Music on Broadway and Hemlock at the time and it was a music store only version of Future Shop that is gone now but at the time was known for carrying independent artists. I know they were one of the first stores if not the first to carry Nickelback’s [yes I shudder just having to write that WORD let alone THINK of them] first album Curb also released in 1996 and some of Gob’s earlier releases dating back to 1994 when the original drummer known as “Wolfmam Pat”, a close friend of Adam’s and also a friend of mine was still in the band. Basically the store was pretty hard core into supporting local and Canadian talent in general.

I have seen Holly live twice that I can remember even though I can’t remember the first venue, but I am sure it was with Spockette one of the people I will be joining to see her tonight, I saw her a second time downtown in A&B Sound and due to connections stood behind the stage, met her, had a CD signed that has now been lost but I won’t go there because I just get mad. I vaguely remember a third time. So tonight will either be the third or fourth time.

I expect tonight to be a great show! I am grabbing R and J and we are headed to meet Spockette where we will then gather with others and enjoy some long time no sing in Vancouver McNarland. I probably won’t review it because I write terrible reviews but do check her out!

Also thanks very very very much to John who built me a contact page today! Feel free to contact me or Adam, do it up!