sunday the live draft in my buddy bobby doane’s fantasy hockey pool took place at 12pm. i got Bertuzzi first pick. FUCKING EH!! doane said he hated me. i laugh in the face of trash talk.

behold this photo of me in my leafs jersey from the 1999-2000 season. before you flip out because it is not a 44 jersey notice the color, i was born in the Toronto area. and growing up i watched the leafs. i was totally in love with Gilmore, it used to make me laugh seeing him with his teeth in for his Pert Plus commercials.

i only wear this jersey to canucks/leafs games. one game i did take it off, i was seated in a predominantly canuck section, i seriously didn’t want to get beat up - the spilt is pretty much down the middle fan wise for every match up. it gets heated. people can get so uppity about their sports teams. i wear my bertuzzi shirt to all other games as i have yet to acquire a jersey. i also enjoy golfing in this shirt during the fall and spring as a tribute to Todd being the best golfer on the team.

our fantasy hockey pool is as follows:

• B. Morrison (Van)
• M. Ricci (Pho)
• M. Recchi (Pit)
• S. Kozlov (Atl)
• T. Bertuzzi (Van)
• T. Amonte (Cgy)
• J. Friesen (NJ)
• E. Cole (Car)
• A. Foote (Cls)
• M. Ohlund (Van)
• K. Jonsson (NYI)
• J. Slegr (Bos)
• O. Nolan (Tor)
• A. Zhamnov (Bos)
• R. Fedotenko (TB)
• J. Lupul (Anh)
• J. Giguere (Anh) Goal
• J. Labarbera (LA) Goal

adam likes to take risks and he also used to play with this Jason Labarbera dude so we had to have him.
Mike Ricci, ok I know. he is my ‘out of my mind’ pick. he is uglier than sopel, has worse hair - i hate to love him. i want a bobble head of him so bad. apparently when he goes home to Colorado women literally throw themselves at him(?)

i said we had to have at least one leafs player and adam was like - you really want to have someone from the leafs - that sent me into a mini rant. but then i was like dude, i dare you to pick Lindros. AS IF i was totally kidding and i laughed my ass off when someone took him. we obviously didn’t get all the players we wanted. i tried for Pronger but he went before i could get to him. i also insisted we have NO Detroit Red Wings (a shout out to aughra, let the rivalry begin) and NO Colorado Avalanche.

you heard me the red wings and the avalanche can kiss my hot white ass.

long before hearing of HNT - off an idea from a buddy i started to scan myself, some of my parts, my cat, my boyfriend some random shit.

this is the first scan i did (not the first posted)

in order to insure an honest depiction of this process these photos are a play by play/re-enactment of what goes on behind the scenes. prepare to be awed. i decided to re-enact the first scan i attempted with adam on the camera.

i use an hp psc 1315 all-in-one printer scanner copier

i have pulled the scanner forward to leave room for my elbows. here i am opening photoshop

waiting for shit to load, preparing myself mentally. *please note to the left the hockey puck i use for a paper weight. personally i don’t think it gets any more Canadian than that*

i allow the scanner to do its first pass blank because if my face was used and it ROCKED and i was to accept it and move funny and fuck it up, that would suck. plus that way i don’t have to blind myself twice. this photo is so exciting i just grabbed my boob.

here i am removing my glasses and placing them on the table to my right that you jerks can’t see. i have scanned myself with a pair of sunglasses on but not with my regular nerd specks.

my body placement is extremely important. i demand very quick access to the mouse so that when i press accept i can spring instantly into position.

if this photo is not self explanatory i am going to have to ask you to leave my website.

here i am waiting for it to load into photoshop so i can see if it sucks or not. *here if you look super close you can see it is a Todd Bertuzzi puck*(well i can tell it is)

see it? i like it!

the finished product