I had a dream last night that I was in Athens but I kept asking everyone where Greece was. I�m scared to even attempt to analyze that one.

A very important anniversary is fast approaching it is next Friday to be exact, the anniversary of my [u]Ass Surgery[/u], my [u]Rhoid surgery[/u]. I won an award as you may remember courtesy of [u]Jeckles[/u] and the [u]Shitty Blogs Club[/u]. I WON shitty blog of month for blogging through what was one of the most invasive experiences in my life thus far. All I need now is, no wait, I already had extra cells burned off my cervix and watched it on camera and had a reaction to the HUGE freezing needle they stick up in you before the camera and seeing your own cervix on a screen monitor and cells being burned off CAN cause you to convulse and almost pass out so really I guess there are no other surgeries for me to have that would feel more invasive when I had RHOID surgery before even 30 for crying out loud before even having a baby.

Recently I was constipated for like two weeks and man let me tell you, LET ME TELL YOU how thankful I was, the most thankful I�ve been since the surgery after how horrid it was to have had those fuckers removed HAD I NOT I would NOT have been able to FIVE STAR almost all 40 songs on MEDIUM level of Guitar Hero II- PLUS I Five Stared Trogdor in the Bonus Level- because I�d have the rhoids so big I�d be in bed or the bath and suffering. Although I am still not fully happy with the surgery results I would still highly recommend it.

From now on February 9th will be our faux Valentines Day because we don�t celebrate it Valentines Day is EVIL. I wasn�t planning on celebrating February 9th but in some ways I did get a new asshole it was Adam that said we should celebrate it, I really can�t remember I just know Adam is taking me to NEKO CASE!!!!! AGAIN!!! BUT this time it is in a club and I�ll be able to get up close and act like a crazed fan- I WILL be able to yell out SING THE TRAIN FROM KANSAS CITY, and she will because I�ll look all cute in the T-shirt I bought at her show in July that two of my other bloggy friends also have.

If you’d like to join in on the celebration of my new asshole/2006 Ass Surgery I won’t stop you it is pretty exciting.

[b]I made some videos.[/b] I posted them on Buzznet and I’m going to link to them here. I hope you enjoy them. They demonstrate what happens when you are unemployed too long and Ellen goes into re-runs and the dancing must go on.

I will provide individual links to each as to not crash any browsers. I can’t even believe I posted these. Seriously. But they are a pretty good representation of me being ummmmm me.

The sound on the camera recorder is crap but I didn’t make these to be good man I was fucking around. Tourettes style dancing IS where it’s at.

Basically I just proved I have the best multitasking skills in the entire world. SUCKS no one was there to see it cuz anyone who sees me in person probably won’t even believe I did this. In the shower I just brushed my teeth, pulled a comb through the conditioner in my hair with my eyes closed and the water decided to burn me and I had to re-adjust it so I did not burn to death all at the same time. WOW I’m pretty fantastic. Amazing the new skills you pick up at 29.

What isn’t COOL at all is that our shower curtain has DIED once and for all. As you can see it WAS the coolest fucking shower curtain EVER. When it first started to get sick I bought it little sticky things and repaired and re-hung it and it was happy. The sticky things CLAIMED they were STRONGER THAN THE ORIGINAL CURTAIN. Fucking lairs and I knew it too. I should write them a letter.

I’m still ‘going’ birthday wise. I have lots and lots to tell you all but for now THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for the posts on some of your blogs, the e-cards, e-mails, gifts [the ones the government is still holding as well] comments on my birthday post AND the myspace comments. HOLY could I feel more special? I think not. I am SO NOT used to that much attention that I actually got stressed out when happy birthdays started coming in on the 13th. NERD.

I’m off to therapy and then out for DRINKS and Corinna doesn’t drink [OFTEN] she smokes POT so THIS should be interesting.

[b]Reason number kagillion why I should not be allowed in any kitchen.[/b] This is the second pot I have ruined beyond what an S.O.S pad can handle in less than three months I wish I could give you the exact date that I ruined the other pot but I don’t remember I just know it was not that long ago because of how mad I got when I started to smell the burning.

And to THINK all I was trying to make was Kraft Dinner. Fuck.

It isn�t so much that I think that I�m shitty or that my writing is shitty or that Gus is shitty or anything shitty like that. But it is something like that. All blogs are somewhat shitty, just like all actresses and actors are shitty. Basically, we are all shitty no matter how cool we think we are. And I think that I�m pretty fucking cool so I joined the shitty blogs club so I�d never forget that at the end of the day no matter how much money I haven�t made building a greeper store and sending off freelance pieces I still have the shitty blogs club that loves me shit and all. Maybe I shouldn�t say LOVE because Jeckles or Jeck as I�ve started to call him and quickly realized I wasn�t the first to call him that and felt like shit for two minutes is married and I’m getting married. Fuck. And the rest of the club thinks I�m shitty cause I won the shitty blog of the month award twice which proves I�M SHITTY so I guess I shouldn�t say the shitty blogs club LOVES me it is more like SHITTY love that reminds me I�m shitty and my blog is just that a BLOG and no matter how bad I want to win everything in the world and make millions just writing my blog I�ve got to put way more effort into this shit to be THAT shitty. Because selling out is shitty and selling out is the name of my game baby.
Gus needs new fur shoes YOU KNOW!!!!

I�m going to be live on Shitty Blog Radio tonight at 6pm PST. It�s that radio button down by my Shitty Blog Awards that says SHITTY BLOG RADIO. I�ll be on in the second hour.

A while back, they read out what can now be called a classic mrs. e. is a cunt post on air and cracked some jokes about Canada eh. Now Jeckles and Shutter want to talk to me and apparently my ass is going to come up.

Word on the street is that I have a crazy accent but I guess you won�t know unless you tune in now WILL YOU!?!?!

I agree with Jeckles on this one that it will be more fun LIVE � tune in HERE.

edit: the show has aired listen to it here: me on shitty blog radio
extra thanks to those who tuned in live!

Today I find myself at a level of hyper activeness that I’m sure makes mothers all over the world want to kill their children. I am presently very happy that I don’t live at home.

For the first time since my surgery my asshole is feeling legitimately better. Like it used to before attack of the rhoids began. I’m confident I am very close to again having a normal asshole.

I saw the surgeon last Thursday and got off the Tylenol 3’s and got something that won’t plug me up because Tylenol 3 is really more like candy when you think about it and who needs a plugged up ass after ass surgery- NOT me.

Yesterday while we were getting all excited and emotional [ok, I was getting emotional] that the world is now looking at OUR city as the host of the next winter Olympics ABC was like just wait till all the people coming here find out you can smoke pot.

I wonder how many scandals there will be with athletes whose drug tests are affected just from breathing the BC air?

I’ve always been an AVID, AVID supporter of legalize it NOW and tax the FUCK out of it. Would I pay for a pack of joints what a cigarette smoker pays, what it costs for a case of beer? FUCK YA.
Speaking of marijuana, last week I hobbled with what looked like carrots up my ass over to a favourite specialty store of mine and bought a new wallet. Said wallet fell apart and I was totally pissed off and returned it. I’ll still buy stuff there; it was one shitty wallet, you’ll be happy to know I’m not going to ban them. When I first bought the wallet the corner of my eye caught a clock for sale set to stay at 4:20. I BURST out laughing and was like DOES YOUR BOSS KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? The dude was like totally I totally told her, whilst dude ringing up my wallet is getting all uncomfortable and like so obviously doesn’t smoke the ganja. I couldn’t handle it, talk about balls. Only in Vancouver, seriously.

Back to my ass. Thanks to my blogging pre surgery, having ABC update you and then blogging after with GRANDIOSE descriptions and stories from the bath tub I was given the honour of Shitty Blog of the Month for February. I’m proud to be shitty!!
[if you are a shitty blog member who has not updated your link please do so or Jeckles is going to kick your ass out of the club YOU HEAR ME]