I have finally joined the modern ages of blogging. I decided this tab blogging bullshit had to end. Adam hated that I’d always have LOADS of tabs open slowing down the computer which runs at the speed of light anyway so I don’t even know why he was complaining, whatever the complaining can now stop I built an iGoogle home page and I added Google Reader and now I read blogs via feeds a.k.a. a more modern way. I am a proud nerd for other reasons but none relating to computers, finally I am starting to enter the real computer nerd world. I guess you can say I’ve been in it for a while I have had a blog for over two years but it doesn’t run with any thanks to myself I am very dependent on others, I thank John, Rebecca, and David for their help with that. Reading off of feeds rules I don’t have to go sifting through blog after blog after blog that hasn’t been updated in ages and I have decided I am angry with people whose feed I can not subscribe to, I do however forgive people who have private blogs that I read. For someone who spends as much time on the computer as I do I have no idea how I am still so computer illiterate. Oh to be computer good.

Yesterday some birthday money arrived from my parents [thanks mom and dad] via the mail box and I spent it instantly. I bought three books and a running outfit. I got this kick ass wrist band thing that holds your keys and shit, it RULES, normally if I’m running in something that doesn’t have any hidden pockets I wear my keys on a shoe lace around my neck and I can’t stand it! I went over the amount given by $14.68 but Adam said that was alright. The books I got are:

A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini,

Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier, Ishmael Beah

The Road, Cormac McCarthy

All of my bookshelves are full again. I can’t say it bothers me THAT MUCH I do enjoy stacking books up on top of the books already on the shelves; I take such pride in their organization. One day I want a whole wall that is only for books.

OH and check this out, Stephanie sent it to me. If this ever happens to me because of anything I take for my migraines, it will make it all worth it, having a genuine connection to Spock. A girl can only dream.

My Converse shoes completely fell apart on both inside heels BUT I love them and they are pretty much fine everywhere else and I am NOT a fan of sneakers looking new. I am fine with fancy shoes looking new and am actually anal about keeping them that way but sneakers should look worn. I will run around in dirt to achieve a dirtier more worn in look faster if necessary. With sneakers there is ONE exception and that would be my actual RUNNING shoes those are ONLY worn for running and nothing else and if you are a ‘runner’ you know that you can have a pair of shoes that you have ran through completely that are so clean it is hard to believe you can’t run in them anymore or the complete opposite and they look like a bomb hit them when they are done. But see, running shoes to a runner are like golf clubs to a golfer so trying to keep them pristine is different. But I digress; the rubber on the backs of my Converse shoes was actually cutting into my heels and I did not want to give them up and wearing thicker socks wasn’t helping so I did what any other bred and born Canadian would do and I duct taped them. Or rather Adam duct taped them. Even though I was suspicious of the slipperiness and skeptical of my abilities to handle all the little folds and creases in the taped heel I was desperate. I have worn them twice now since the taping, once with thicker sports socks and once with thinner socks and both times NO slippage and NO heel pain. I am pretty sure that most people know how amazing of an invention duct tape is but this is really my first experience with its full awesomeness it saved a life, even if it was just the life of a pair of shoes it is still life saving shit. Long live my Cons.

And P.S. Would I be able to call myself a true Spock fan if I did not post this? I think not. Just be warned it is set to Nine Inch Nails, ‘Closer’ so don’t be silly and open it at work. It could also be considered a short documentary entitled: Spock and Shatty - An Even Closer Look at Their Love.

In finding this I discovered it isn’t just Crocodiles that Erin Magnopere and I have in common now we have Spock and boob obsession in common too and I didn’t even know it. She posted this video before I even knew it existed, what kind of Spock fan am I? You learn something new about your blogging buddies everyday! Or maybe she likes Shatty? I just assume it is Spock, I hope it’s Spock, please let it be Spock.

The [b]Risperidone[/b] is not working. [original post here] Or it is working but it does not seem like it is going to work for me. The psychiatrist was not worried about a placebo affect with me because �I am so convinced that nothing is going to help me�. I did feel better pretty quickly but unfortunately not without side effects I can not handle. Last Friday I explained that my paranoia had lowered but not really I still got myself into a totally delusion induced argument with a girlfriend. I was not FREAKING OUT and throwing fits or things or even mini fits BUT I could still feel all the anger inside boiling away I just didn�t give a shit. But still feeling it there boiling away and not having any outlet is not solving the problem. I also can not remember what I�m talking about a lot and forget what I�m talking about mid sentence I have also had people tell me that KNOW I smoke pot every day and can not tell the difference between me on pot and off telling me I look �dopey� that is not good. I stare off into space and am God only knows where, probably on the holideck of the Star Trek Enterprise fantasizing about Spock or some shit I honestly couldn�t tell you. And yes before you ask Dr. B KNOWS how much pot I smoke and has of course advised on many an occasion that I WILL be quitting. I�m trying, sort of, if you call still smoking put everyday just less pot everyday trying. I KNOW that some of my memory loss is related to that but I�m also used to that and this is different. After spitting that all over him because I have about a teaspoon of extra saliva in my mouth at any given moment as well, he dropped my dosage from 25mg twice a day to 25mg once a day and take an extra if you are having a particularly bad day�..OH like every day since I dropped it. I haven�t taken the extra any day since last Friday and almost everyday has been �bad�, but why bother I�ll have relief but there is no point in being a Zombie IF I can�t even eat people. It is SO frustrating to have been given a drug that does work but if I take the dose needed for it to work the side effects are too great. I take the lower dose it doesn�t work at all but I still have the side effects meaning that it is not going to be like I had hoped, that once my PMS cleared and my body adjusted to the new tits I�d be able to up it back to 50mg and call it good enough for now because at least I �care� what is going on so I could keep on trucking along on my therapy. Now I�m just a pile of anger not knowing what the fuck to do. Looks like I�m going to have to choose a new Anti-Depressant and live with semi relief but at least some relief.
I�m getting to an acceptance stage. I�m getting there. Accepting it is SOME drug for me or no Corinna. No harm in the trying to be off meds when I�ve been on them since 2000, at least I know that at this time I can not be drug free it isn�t like I ever gave up the Clonazepam so I was still on SOMETHING anyway in fact when I went off Effexor my Clonazepam was pretty much instantly upped. But I see these 40, 50 something year old women on shows and what not still suffering still miserable who have tried every drug and I�m already on what drug 7 now. I am totally losing faith. I have faith in my therapy but if I were to lose that for any reason I�d find out where he lived and camp outside his front door till he found me a new therapist. I also know 7 is not a lot BUT to me IT IS.
I wanted this stuff to work I really did but I won�t be a walking Zombie cept on Zombie city walk days, Halloween or as a favor to a friend who wants to scare someone so at least someone benefits from these drugs. Technically if I stay on them I guess I could just go as me for Halloween and people would think I was a Zombie anyways.
Tomorrow it will be back to the drawing board. Fun, I just love sessions dedicated to what drug shall we try next!

[b]I just said to Adam[/b] “I’m so depressed I feel like I have a wang hanging out of my wang”, whatever that even means, because my lower back is killing me and for the last few months lower back pain means I’m not dealing with shit.
It is weighing a little that next Wednesday will be the last day I take my Effexor. I’ll still be taking Clonazepam and smoking too much pot. Let’s deal with one thing at a time though.
At around nine o’clock last night I noticed I was really stupid sad and feeling overwhelmed and I went to bed and Gus kept me up most of the night licking my face and I don’t feel any better today.
I gotta get off the pot but the problem is I don’t want to at all some days I think I do, I talk about it in therapy I’m almost honest about how much I smoke but not really but I think he knows he’s been seeing me since 2003.
I don’t know what I’d replace it with.

[b]Ok so I’ve been busy[/b] and I haven’t been ‘writing’ much but I have lots going on up in the head I just gotta get it down. In the mean time here are a million and six photos from the last few days. Rilah has an actual post up on the ones of us and other cool pregnant chick stuff.

Gus Greeper is experiencing some technical difficulties.

Thank you for your patience I know it has been up and down, running slow and freezing some of your screens for a while now but the fixing process is making it a tad slower. [sorry]

My Host company is doing the final switch over to a new server….I should be back posting by Wednesday.

in answer to all inquires as to a date being set, whether vulcans, zombies and sock monkeys will be invited etc. i give you all the same response i have given to adam, that all i know for sure is this:

the bride can and will change her mind about anything and everything as many times as she deems necessary.

adam didn’t even really ask or state anything specific i just sort of put that out there as a warning to him. he looked kind of scared.