Archive for the ‘Unadulterated Fun’ Category

Fourth Annual: Fifty ways to leave your fifty hoes in fifty different area codes…

Friday, October 31st, 2008

have you ever wondered why paul simon only gives us these 5 ways to leave your lover in a song inaptly named 50 ways to leave your lover
so did we.
wonder no more. in honour of Halloween and our sick minds having nothing better to do, ABC and i bring you what we feel paul simon MAY have chosen as possible ways.

Paul Simon’s Original Ways

you just slip out the back, jack
make a new plan, stan
you don’t need to be coy, roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, gus
you don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, lee
and get yourself free

45 Additional Ways

shoot her in the face, ace
leave on a jet plane, jane
cut off his leg, greg
hammer in her brain, raine
lock him in the morgue, borg
stick her with a sword, gord
bite off his cock, spock
stick her with a shank, frank
cook fatty foods, contributing to his heart disease, louise
whack her with a bat, pat
have an affair, clare
bop her car with a glock, doc
feed him to a demon, eamonn
hit him with a brick, rick
cast him into hell, nell
grind her flesh into macaroni, tony
push him off his bike, mike
snip her e-brake, jake
weld closed her flu, lou
toss a grenade, jade
bomb her, dahmer
hire a hitman, fran
leave her in a ditch, mitch
lock him in the sauna, lana
stab her in the ass, cass
give him ebola, lola
freeze her in ice, bryce
throw him in the cage with a baaaadaassss panda, miranda
leave her in a gator’s death roll, joel
have his murder committed by people in your commune, june
tie him to a sled, fred
club her with an ancient artifact at the museum, liam
hang him from a tree, marie
make her watch Full House, clause
give her crabs, babs
take a dump on her rug, doug
drop him off a bridge, midge
poke out his eye, di
fuck him to death, beth
kill her in the sack, zach
beat him with a lock in a sock, tupac
ditch her at the mall, jamal
clock her with your sand wedge, reg
leave her at the altar, walter
show him the guillotine, eileen

2007
2006
2005

TOP SECRET MISSION JT 2008 - Part One

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

Finally after nearly six full months of keeping it a secret I hopped a plane and headed for the United Sates of America to meet Aughra in MI and drive to IN to surprise and meet Jenn who is already dear friends with Aughra, they have had the pleasure of meeting twice now, but Jenn was told Aughra was coming solo at the end of July, not the case at ‘all!! It was really cute to see Aughra’s faux arrival date written on Jenn’s calendar she really had no idea when and that we were both coming! Our surprise went off without a hitch. Thanks a ton to Jenn’s husband for not only keeping the secret but for offering to keep us both a surprise.

People aren’t kidding when they say doing selfless things feels like a million bucks. I’ve always been giving but selflessness as a whole doesn’t come easy to me.

I’m cropping and uploading photos which are going to take forever but the set is [started] HERE. I am feeling pretty over stimulated [although in a good way, over stimulated none the less I stepped about a million miles out of my comfort zone and element] so I still need some time to decompress before I write about our amazing mission/adventures.

But here is a photo of the lovely ladies I have been blogging with for three plus years.

From the left we have the gorgeous expectant mother, and the beautiful text message queen herself, Aughra.

blogger grilfriends trois

Vancouver Triathlon World Championships = Holy CRAP I had the time of my LIFE!

Friday, June 13th, 2008

Last Sunday I spent some of the best hours of my life to date watching the Triathlon World Championships [Airing on CBC at 1pm Pacific Standard time, Saturday June 14th].

Seeing this event meant a lot to me and although I knew I would be emotional I didn’t know just how emotional.

My dad did triathlons and duathlons when I was a kid, his last triathlon was in the Cook Islands in 1998, he then moved on to half and full marathons. I dedicated the set of photos to him on flickr for Fathers day. Happy early fathers day Dad!

I am extremely glad that the day before the elite/BEST IN THE WORLD were to perform I went out and took some photos because it gave me the confidence to get in there the following day. Those first photos of the empty course and stadium, the uniforms and shots of the different nations flags were the best I thought I’d get and I came back to the apartment with tears of happiness flowing down my cheeks whilst trying not to hyperventilate and tell Adam how absolutely incredible it had been, how many people had been out, how many athletes and bikes and that THE WORLD WAS HERE! And he said “and you voted no for the Olympics” and I said “I stand by that, but but… you are right I was crazy to think I’d be leaving the city.” I uploaded the photos and declared that we should TRY and go out the following day and see if we could get close and get some decent photos. Knowing how much I hate crowds and how hard it is for me not to flip out all over the place I’m sure he figured I wouldn’t go. But I had to, the day before had me so pumped up. I watch triathlons and iron mans, marathons, track and field and the Tour De France on TV whenever they are on and Adam is kind enough to set reminders for me or put one on and lets me tell him my same running stories over and over and over again, and makes fun of me when I cry because I cry EVERY SINGLE TIME. I even wore my ugly old prescription sunglasses to try and hide the water works I knew were coming.

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Pre Elite 2008 Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Super Fan!

I knew that the women went off at 1pm, I watched the helicopters from out our living room window and decided we should head around 2:30 because I knew the men went off at 4:00 and I figured from where the helicopters were circling that the women were likely well into the run.

Walking towards the course I was already getting emotional and there was an open spot RIGHT where the women were coming around the corner and I opened the camera and just started shooting but I was crying so I had no idea what athletes I was getting, my batteries died so I actually watched for a bit and took some of it in while I started to clap mildly for the participants.

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Canada's Carolyn Murray

I decided it was time to head for the beach; we weren’t going to get close standing around watching the last of the ladies come in. I was in GO mode already in shock over getting that close to the action. We both had our phones in case we got separated and it was decided I was leading the way.

We were almost past the barricades that marked the do not enter area and where I could see finished athletes conversing and being interviewed by the media when I noticed a break in what I guess was security and I walked in and started taking photos and they let me. I thought Carolyn Murray was going to tell me to fuck off until I said “excuse me, I’ve been standing here taking your photo for five minutes and you’ve been so gracious may I please shake your hand and say congratulations” through you got it….. tears! She then shook the crazed fan’s hand. I swooned and looked back at Adam only to catch a fan having his photo taken with Lauren Groves [from Vancouver!!] and thought OMG why did I not ask for my photo with Murray??? HERE I COME GROVES!!! I approached and oh yeah uh huh I got my photo taken with her I got my photo taken with her and youuuuuuuu didn’t!

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Lauren Groves

Lauren Groves!!!

Me and Lauren Groves

Thankfully Vancouverites are late to almost everything and we found PERFECT spots RIGHT NEXT to the V.I.P area. By the time the top seventy-seven male tri-athletes in the world had taken center stage right in front of my eyes I had the pleasure of proving myself a triathlon pundit explaining such things as lengths and order of the three legs to people who didn’t know and sharing information such as the divers under some of the buoys and other safety measures taken for the swim. Needless to say I was in my GLORY.

I thought I had my emotions under control and was even getting in some deep breaths, picture taking was going well until Simon Whitfield came out of the water, I swear I heard them announce him come out first but I saw him coming up in second and dropped the camera, Adam quickly stopped it from smashing into the fence and I started screaming and crying and clapping so hard I thought my wrists would break and I was gone so far into the moment the natural high was seriously better than getting a tattoo.

I was shaking and unable to control myself any longer or take clear photos or catch the men on the bikes because they were so fast it was insane. Adam took over the camera taking the cycling and mens running photos and I took over sneaking up to the rails.

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Canada's Jenkins

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Whitfield out with first pack

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

Vancouver BG Triathlon World Championships

I quickly lost myself again cheering for them ALL from every country, the women next to me said, “we are cheering for Mexico” by the end of it I had the entire row of people cheering for the same people and countries I was, it was crazy. I even had the row chanting U.S.A U.S.A when one tired looking American ran by. The only country people wouldn’t join me in cheering for was France which of course pissed me off but then I had to remind myself that not everyone was there for the love of sports in general some where there JUST for their countries. Of course I wanted one of the Canadians to win, but I am happier with how the Canadians did as a whole. All of the ones I saw gave it and gave it hard.

It was exhilarating to be so close to all of those amazing athletes, some of them personal favourites. If we had better cameras we’d have photos of the sweat coming off their shoulders.

Watch for us during the men’s swim, [we are on the athletes left coming up the beach] good chance you’ll see me freaking out.

weekend update almost a week late

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

I hurt my back again and had to come home from work again like a pussy last weekend and have been off all week. I go back this weekend. Work are being so good to me it is awesome. I haven’t put my back out like this in YEARS as noted by my chiropractor who always has to flip back through his notes and ALWAYS asks have you seen anyone else since you were last here and I always answer with, this is the only place I go, every few years when I need it. I do not know exactly what I did to it. I obviously didn’t let it heal right when it first started to bother me because this time was just like last time which was I guess two and a half weeks ago now. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary I was sitting with Adam drinking coffee and BAM all of sudden searing back pain. I even said to my boss I had been out the night before but again I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary as I was playing Guitar Hero III at Tanya’s, I was not rocking out any harder than normal in fact I’d say less hard considering how much I suck playing in front of ANYONE, even Adam. If I was ever a real rock star I could never play live. UNLESS it was Air Guitar because that is hard to screw up so I think I would keep public appearances to Air Guitar.

Check out this seriously awesome photo that Reilly took of me, click on it, seriously, there are more awesome shots by him and some taken with our lacking camera (DON’T GET MAD MOM AND DAD YOU DIDN’T MAKE IT (NOT YELLING)) on my flickr. We met some more rad people [as if we hadn’t met enough this year already] at Tanya’s place, some bloggers, some not, it was great fun. I’d have to say I think I am getting over my social anxiety issues with a vengeance.

Money Shot

While I am on the subject of Guitar Hero [and don’t you dare say when are you not!] I’ll need to mention that the Kramer is a piece of crap. The green button is sticking and making it *almost* unplayable so I went back to the SG with the cord and although I can play better, what would you know the fret board on the Kramer does allow for better finger sliding. SO I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and don’t know which guitar to play with. I know I know cry me a river on that one. BUT secondly, Jennie Roth is coming BACK for another visit as some of you already know. NOW at first it was just going to be Jennie and I somewhere I am sure with other blogging nerds, but also nerding out together in our matching ‘Sneaky Brim Toques’ mine in brown hers in green taking a million photos for shits and giggles, trading toques me giving her my Canadian germs her passing over some American ones but NOW a gauntlet of sorts has been thrown down by a guest poster named ‘Charlie’ he writes and I quote:

I’m going to start Jennie on a rigorous guitar hero training program, so anyone that has any thoughts of taking her down had better think again. When I’m done with her, she’ll be rocking so hard she could make unicorns cry blood. That’s right….I said it.

Jennie and I have already been involved in friendly blatant trash talk, I think this is going to be worth waiting for.

Ok well screw me I was going to write about Christmas and other things keeping me busy at present but this is long enough already. I’ll be back!

I’ve Gone Cordless and I’m going to a party - a Guitar HERO Party.

Saturday, December 8th, 2007

RIGHT NOW I am sitting here with the Kramer cordless plastic guitar resting ON MY LAP - the one that comes with the Guitar Hero III bundle for PS2.

Basically, Adam almost never plays and I sit there staring at the thing constantly while I’m stuck to a cord and have to take my guitar off for EVERYTHING. The other day I’d had enough and strapped the sucker on, Adam calls his guitar Lil’ Awesome. The first thing I noticed about Lil’ Awesome was that it had a completely different feel on my person and while playing. Adam said that was because it was different guitar. He is a smart one that Adam.

Things I love about playing with the cordless plastic Kramer Guitar [in no particular order]:

  • I can walk around the apartment while pressing the buttons to skip all the crap at the beginning, in layman’s terms I can now multi task.
  • This may be TMI but I can go pee and wash my hands all whilst still wearing the guitar and not touch it until my hands have been dried off. BUT Adam went pee with it on too when we first got it and I remember I was jealous.
  • Technically, I could turn around stand up off the exercise ball we use as a computer chair and play from here. This may sound awesome but it isn’t. The T.V is at one end of the room and the computer the other, this in actuality shows how small our apartment is or how good of range this thing has but I think I’m going with the first one on this.
  • The fact that I am typing this post wearing the guitar.
  • Being able to refill my coffee, adjust the heater, answer the buzzer, check de email, Twitter, Facebook… the list just goes on and on… but did I mention this is all while still wearing the guitar?

Sorry Adam but good luck getting the guitar back now. Maybe when you FINALLY get a band together and get to hard level we’ll chat.

Now, it is a really good thing that I finally decided to pick up that cordless guitar because I find myself with a seriously sweet invite tonight to attend a Guitar Hero party at- ten years of blogging extraordinaire - Tanya aka Netchick’s place, I can’t wait to meet her! Yes, I feel special. I am excited but nervous because she has the XBox 360 and I have never played one, I just know they get cooler guitars.

you get a trick for the third year in a row

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

fifty ways to leave your fifty hoes in fifty different area codes

have you ever wondered why paul simon only gives us these 5 ways to leave your lover in a song inaptly named 50 ways to leave your lover�?
so did we.
wonder no more. in honour of Halloween and our sick minds having nothing better to do, ABC and i bring you what we feel paul simon MAY have chosen as possible ways.

Paul Simon’s Original Ways

you just slip out the back, jack
make a new plan, stan
you don’t need to be coy, roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, gus
you don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, lee
and get yourself free

45 Additional Ways

shoot her in the face, ace
leave on a jet plane, jane
cut off his leg, greg
hammer in her brain, raine
lock him in the morgue, borg
stick her with a sword, gord
bite off his cock, spock
stick her with a shank, frank
cook fatty foods, contributing to his heart disease, louise
whack her with a bat, pat
have an affair, clare
bop her car with a glock, doc
feed him to a demon, eamonn
hit him with a brick, rick
cast him into hell, nell
grind her flesh into macaroni, tony
push him off his bike, mike
snip her e-brake, jake
weld closed her flu, lou
toss a grenade, jade
bomb her, dahmer
hire a hitman, fran
leave her in a ditch, mitch
lock him in the sauna, lana
stab her in the ass, cass
give him ebola, lola
freeze her in ice, bryce
throw him in the cage with a baaaadaassss panda, miranda
leave her in a gator’s death roll, joel
have his murder committed by people in your commune, june
tie him to a sled, fred
club her with an ancient artifact at the museum, liam
hang him from a tree, marie
make her watch Full House, clause
give her crabs, babs
take a dump on her rug, doug
drop him off a bridge, midge
poke out his eye, di
fuck him to death, beth
kill her in the sack, zach
beat him with a lock in a sock, tupac
ditch her at the mall, jamal
clock her with your sand wedge, reg
leave her at the altar, walter
show him the guillotine, eileen

2006
2005 *has some of its original comments!!*

in four photos - my entire history with Halloween dressup

Thursday, October 18th, 2007

I forgot to take my meds last night and I couldn’t sleep and so I took the missed night meds with my morning meds and I’m a little WHOO WEEEEEE so if there is lots of errors in this someone please tell me. thanks. meds, tits, same thing.

Last night I was digging through old photos because on the tv I heard them mention that Pamela Anderson got married in a thigh high dress, WELL so did my MOM! In ‘69 and she looked HOT. It is not as short as Pamela’s but still. I haven’t asked my parents if I can post the photos yet and it turns out I don’t have one of the ones I thought I did so there is not full frontal of the dress but trust me it is short I tried it on in August ‘06 when I went home for my dress fitting and it barley covered my ass, granted I am taller than my Mom. Anyway I have to get my Dad to scan me a different photo or I’ll grab one and scan it at Christmas. But during this photo hunt I found my Halloween photos. Or lack there of. Don’t ask me why I have just never been a fan and I can not really put my finger on why seriously I have not been out on Halloween to do anything other than watch scary movies in my street clothes at someone’s house and I did the Haunted Vancouver Trolley Tour one year since I was twenty-two years old. This KILLLLLLLS Adam as he is a Halloween guy, but I don’t KEEP him from going out. And I maybe would be willing to go out and dress up if I had someone like I did when I was twenty-two to do my hair and make-up. She also did my wedding hair and make-up.

Clifford the Clown Dog - not sure how old would guess 3 yrs

Without further ado I give you what I think is me at three dressed as some sort of Clifford the dog clown thing, I am guessing three because I can tell that is the house in Niagara Falls, Ontario.

Gypsy - not sure how old but i would guess 4 yrs

Here we have a photo of me as a young gypsy lady, I am guessing four, I can tell this is still Ontario and I look about a year older than the other photo to me. NO, no one ever wrote years on photos ‘cept for my Grandma MacKenzie.

Then as you can see we have a major HUGE gap. This does not mean I didn’t go trick or treating. I am not sure what it means.
I always used a pillow case.
But as an adult I started and stopped participating in Halloween the very same year. Considering the attention this get up got me YOU’D think I’d have fallen in love with the ’slutty girl dress up rules’ for Halloween, in all honesty, there really are none, but I didn’t. IS it in me somewhere still? I don’t know. MAYBE we won’t even get invited anywhere and I won’t have to think about it.

I only wanted to be a ’school girl’ but I was looking at these photos thinking shit man if I was twenty-two again now and wore that to THINK how much lower and shorter that skirt would be. SCARRRRREY.

Halloween 1999 - 22 yrs old

Of course I still have those socks.

nice stop watch. hot

This photo is hilarious to me because nothing has changed I just do not look sexy when I’m trying, Nikki G on the other hand can pull off the poses and faces, I do have some good photos taken of me where she did my hair and make-up also at twenty-two I should dig those out, reminisce about my twenties…oh how fast they came and went….and SERIOUSLY lose the STOP WATCH NERD!

1996 Burnaby - 19 yrs old

And just for shits and giggles here is me in 1996 at nineteen years of age with my shaved head. I tell people all the time I did it, not that I don’t think people believe me I just think it is hard to picture on me now. Apparently my work wasn’t super happy but didn’t care too much, it was only Future Shop Music, [off Hemlock] my parents had seen worse I already had two tattoos at that point and apparently my Granny [my grandmother who was a lesbian] loved it, the rest of the family out east, not so much, but who cares it was only hair and the cut I had gotten was horrid and I was nineteen you are supposed to do stupid shit like shave your head for no reason other than a bad hair cut at that age.