The visit with C.J is awesome. You should all be jealous.
Blogger meet ups are fun! Hard to believe he is here ALL the way from England. He drinks a lot of tea.
Not much time to give details ‘cept even Gus likes him. AND he brought her a wee gift.
We all still have the weekend to go.
But these are important photos and they need to be shown to you now.

C.J as a Canuck.

C.J masters Guitar Hero.

Ps. We watched Stranger Than Fiction last night and not one of us liked it. It lagged, it dragged, and every scene that was any good was in the preview. It didn’t make me want to poke my eyes out, I did laugh at parts but I don’t remember C.J or Adam laughing in a good way at all.

Happy Halloween!!

Sometimes you get a Trick and sometimes you get a Treat.
From me you get a Trick cause I ummm posted this last year but we’ve never forgotten about it and I think Paul Simon would be pleased or something.

fifty ways to leave your fifty hoes in fifty different area codes

have you ever wondered why paul simon only gives us these 5 ways to leave your lover in a song inaptly named 50 ways to leave your lover�?
so did we.
wonder no more. in honour of Halloween and our sick minds having nothing better to do, ABC and i bring you what we feel paul simon MAY have chosen as possible ways.

Paul Simon’s Original Ways

you just slip out the back, jack
make a new plan, stan
you don’t need to be coy, roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, gus
you don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, lee
and get yourself free

45 Additional Ways

shoot her in the face, ace
leave on a jet plane, jane
cut off his leg, greg
hammer in her brain, raine
lock him in the morgue, borg
stick her with a sword, gord
bite off his cock, spock
stick her with a shank, frank
cook fatty foods, contributing to his heart disease, louise
whack her with a bat, pat
have an affair, clare
bop her car with a glock, doc
feed him to a demon, eamonn
hit him with a brick, rick
cast him into hell, nell
grind her flesh into macaroni, tony
push him off his bike, mike
snip her e-brake, jake
weld closed her flu, lou
toss a grenade, jade
bomb her, dahmer
hire a hitman, fran
leave her in a ditch, mitch
lock him in the sauna, lana
stab her in the ass, cass
give him ebola, lola
freeze her in ice, bryce
throw him in the cage with a baaaadaassss panda, miranda
leave her in a gator’s death roll, joel
have his murder committed by people in your commune, june
tie him to a sled, fred
club her with an ancient artifact at the museum, liam
hang him from a tree, marie
make her watch Full House, clause
give her crabs, babs
take a dump on her rug, doug
drop him off a bridge, midge
poke out his eye, di
fuck him to death, beth
kill her in the sack, zach
beat him with a lock in a sock, tupac
ditch her at the mall, jamal
clock her with your sand wedge, reg
leave her at the altar, walter
show him the guillotine, eileen

I was picking up my crazy people tits hanging out around the counter checking out the feminine hygiene products and the condom section when I made a discovery that sent me on a mathematical rampage. I�m pretty sure I yelled something out about what a rip off it was to have a sensitive vagina. Like FUCK there were SO MANY different kinds of 12 packs with everything you could ever want from a condom, seriously who knew they�d make some of the advancements they�ve made. These advancements do nothing for me. NOTHING. I have a sensitive vagina. She hates soap so I use a hypoallergenic wash. Not a douche, douching is gross and bad. [I just wanted to say DOUCH]
She also has sensitivity to Latex. Damn vagina, am I, the person not sensitive enough? I felt so betrayed when ALL OF A SUDDEN she was like AHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHhaahah I hate you I�m going to make you spend an extra sleven dollars a month to wash me and NOW THREE DOLLARS AND SIXTY FIVE CENTS PLUS EXTRA FOR LUBE TO DO IT!
And the worst is that you guys know I suck at math, that it scares me like snakes, why did I become so fixated on this? Who the fuck knows.
But for some unknown but likely related to not wanting to get knocked up before the wedding- while I was standing there I yelled over to ABC:

�look at this LOOK AT THIS, a 12 pack for as low as $6.99 and the ones WE use only come in a 5 pack for $15.99 fucking retarded fuck this, I want a new vagina, the pill makes me fucking nuts, nothing else is sensitive vagina friendly, fuck everything.� [or something like that]

[later at home]

I couldn�t let it go. I turn to Adam and say �15.99 x 1.14 / 5 = I have no idea what but I do know that 6.99 x 1.14 / 12 is a FUCK lot less�

[Adam gave me praise for figuring out the basic equations all by myself and I got up to grab the calculator]

In conclusion normal non sensitive bitches can get laid for as little as 0.66 cents a go, whereas a bitch like me pays $3.65 + extra for �special� lube. Somewhere in the middle of my rant Adam said something about it being worth every penny. Well that just makes it all fine and dandy then doesn�t it?

My feet stink, no matter what. I�ve even tried washing them. I like to buy really cheap Old Navy sandals so I can constantly replace them and also use them as slippers in the summer but now my winter slippers stink something awful - it is not fair I don�t want nor do I need stinky feet.
I have decided that slipper socks are where it�s at. The only problem is getting out of the shower. If the matt is not 100% cat litter free I have to do this crazy, scary could kill myself so easily balance shit to get my feet dry not touch anything and get my slipper socks on. OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE behaviour at its finest.

This is a photo of my right foot in my favourite slipper socks. DO ENJOY IT.

Adam’s hair is getting scruffy. For a couple of days I�d been looking at him thinking �he is TOTALLY starting to look like Wolverine�. But I never told him. I just kept thinking it. On Monday I told him.
�You totally look like Wolverine right now - you know with how your hair is and shit�.
He totally denied it. �NO WAY� he said.
I was like, �dude, I�ve been thinking you look like Wolverine for like two days now, you SO look like Wolverine�
He insisted he did not look like Wolverine.

He got up and went into the bathroom and did this FULL ON Wolverine do and I don’t know if he believes me or not NOW but he really looks like Wolverine.

GUS is also my writing buddy. Sometimes when she jumps up on me she smashes her head into my elbow or because she doesn�t possess anything that even resembles balance she misses me completely and falls on the floor.

Here is something you probably did not know about ME.
I have been collecting Tigger stuff since I was sixteen. It happened by accident I am not a collector type person, trust me, I go on �throw away� rampages every few months and have lived to regret it many a time. [although my books would be considered a collection as well]
I guess maybe the Tigger tattoo gave it away that he and I have something going on.
I started collecting before he became totally cool, got a complete make over and went mainstream and everyone was screaming his name and people were like WINNIE THE WHO?????

Last week I got a TUMBLE TIME TIGGER.

Gus is extremely uninterested in his tumbling. If you ask me SHE is jealous of my Tigger stuff.

Dr. Vegas on the other hand looks like he is getting ready to throw his shit at The Tigger. I was SHOCKED when I uploaded this photo and saw how Dr. V really feels about the new house mate. Thankfully Dr. V kept himself under control.

When I bought my Tumble Time Tigger [a gift from my mom for an upcoming surgery I�m having on February 9th�.post pending] the sales ladies head almost BLEW OFF when I said it was for ME.
WHAT you never seen a 28 year old woman buy a Tumble Time Tigger for herself before?
Then she said I looked like a teenager so I let her live.

Buying the tigger got me all reminiscent about my collection that mainly sits in boxes right now because we have no room to display it and as if I want it out in PLAIN sight � it needs its own shelving system in a spare room somewhere down the road.
What you will see here is only about 75% of it.

[you�ll notice even though I am incredibly bad at math that I do enjoy using the percentages]

I also have the two tiggers before this new tigger that bounce and speak in tigger. The first one is MANUAL you like have to PUSH IT into the floor yourself then release your hand BUT NOT THE TIGGER. The second is slightly better it has batteries but it can only say one sentence and bounce.
This new one is incredible - it is just. Obviously, this is why Dr. Vegas IS so mad.

The new tigger says about a million things he has his own theme music to hammer time and he turns over and over and does hand stands. Fuck man he is SO awesome.

I went down to the storage locker brought up all the boxes and went tigger crazy.

Some of the missing items from these photos include:

stickers, iron on patches, key chains, xmas decorations, coffee mugs, socks, photo albums, book markers, one that sits on gold and a piece of marble, the mouse pad…

can you spot dr. vegas in all those tiggers?? [hint: he is only in one]

have you ever wondered why paul simon only gives us these 5 ways to leave your lover in a song inaptly named 50 ways to leave your lover�?
so did we.
wonder no more. in honour of Halloween and our sick minds having nothing better to do, ABC and i bring you what we feel paul simon MAY have chosen as possible ways.

Paul Simon’s Original Ways

you just slip out the back, jack
make a new plan, stan
you don’t need to be coy, roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, gus
you don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, lee
and get yourself free

45 Additional Ways

shoot her in the face, ace
leave on a jet plane, jane
cut off his leg, greg
hammer in her brain, raine
lock him in the morgue, borg
stick her with a sword, gord
bite off his cock, spock
stick her with a shank, frank
cook fatty foods, contributing to his heart disease, louise
whack her with a bat, pat
have an affair, clare
bop her car with a glock, doc
feed him to a demon, eamonn
hit him with a brick, rick
cast him into hell, nell
grind her flesh into macaroni, tony
push him off his bike, mike
snip her e-brake, jake
weld closed her flu, lou
toss a grenade, jade
bomb her, dahmer
hire a hitman, fran
leave her in a ditch, mitch
lock him in the sauna, lana
stab her in the ass, cass
give him ebola, lola
freeze her in ice, bryce
throw him in the cage with a baaaadaassss panda, miranda
leave her in a gator�s death roll, joel
have his murder committed by people in your commune, june
tie him to a sled, fred
club her with an ancient artifact at the museum, liam
hang him from a tree, marie
make her watch Full House, clause
give her crabs, babs
take a dump on her rug, doug
drop him off a bridge, midge
poke out his eye, di
fuck him to death, beth
kill her in the sack, zach
beat him with a lock in a sock, tupac
ditch her at the mall, jamal
clock her with your sand wedge, reg
leave her at the altar, walter
show him the guillotine, eileen

you wanna know what i really can’t stand, makes my blood boil, makes me resent life and fills me with hatred?

other than when there is other jerks mail in my mail box, i really fucking hate that i have to put clothes on to go and check it. why can’t i be naked all the time? WHY?

adam is a HUGE fan of my in apartment summer wear. it consists of underwear. not thong though, i find the older i get the less thong i wear. just underwear.

please note: i do advocate heavily against any kind of VP.

it isn’t like everyone in the immediate neighbourhood hasn’t seen me naked anyway. i have lived in this building since march 2000. i constantly wonder if the lesbian with the penthouse across the street is like, sweet the girl across the street is almost always naked. or if she is like, fuck lady give it up already and put some clothes on, you live with your boyfriend i SO don’t want you!!! either way i still won’t put any on.

i also blame my love of being naked on my unwillingness to leave the apartment. you could call me agoraphobic if you wanted to but i’m not, i’m just lazy and want to be able to check my mail in my underwear. just once i have to do it, i have to!! the only problem would be with my luck i would run into mrs. e.

imagine the horror that would bring to my life.

i have always loved getting mail. junk mail or OTHER PEOPLES mail makes me want to go on a gta style postal rampage. mrs. e. being the insane nutter that she is also LOVES coming to our door and freaking out at me cause i didn’t change my address with the post office when i moved DOWN THE HALL. if i wasn’t terrified of her this is what i would say:

“fuck bitch seriously do you have any idea how many days i am like fuck i can not wait to check the mail, ONLY to have some other fucking loser who used to live in our suites mail in my box� do you wanna know what i do?? i put it with the flyers and shit, where the REST of the building puts mail that isn’t for them. why the fuck can’t your ass grasp that there is no need to come to my door with my mail and AGAIN make me put clothes on to answer it!!!!, not to mention that you yell at me, this is me yelling at you, how do you like me now? gonna have a heart attack? gonna leave my mail alone now bitch? put it the fuck under my door if you must, how fucking hard is that? REALLY!�

being an exhibitionist is hard fucking work sometimes. no one fucking understands this. i need to start an awareness group or something.

An awesome friend of mine David Green is moving to Vancouver ! We graduated from high school in Terrace together. He has been up in Smithers for the last 5 years and is now moving here to start at Vancouver Film School in June. He gets here on the 16th and will be staying with us till the end of the month.

I emailed him some things that I thought he should know about Adam, Gus and I before staying here, I call it: Things you should know before bunking with us:

- we are reality show junkies
- i am a tv junkie in general (bad bad)
- we have access to ear plugs if you are not a sound sleeper you may want to use some for sleeping because Adam gets up early
- i generally sleep with ear plugs; have for years so you don’t have to worry about being quiet
- our land lord mrs. e is CRAZY. we are likely going to have to tell her you are staying with us; we live next door to her. if we don’t tell her and she sees you with keys she will scare you silly. she has got to be pushing 80, is about 4 feet tall and German. we will handle it but you still need to be warned about her. she is NUTS, CRAZY. I actually really like her, i would just HATE to be on her bad side !!! I have lived here for over 5 years now, so don’t worry. she also has a ridiculous crush on Adam example being one morning she knocked on the door (can’t remember why) and Adam was still in his underpants, i guess she heard him talking about putting some pants on and when he opened the door she says, “no pants ok, no pants ok” !
- in the shower you will see a bottle of VAGISIL feminine wash; i don’t want you thinking i am some dirty girl or anything, i just have a very very sensitive area and can’t use soap. i have lots of girly things.
- gus is (still) a barf machine. A BARF MACHINE !!
- i call gus stinky poo poo head. it is my favorite nickname for her. and for some reason i call Adam stinky poo poo head now too. amongst lots of other maybe not so appropriate names, not dirty, just names like jerk face and ass pants….they ARE terms of endearment and those names normally only come out while playing ps2, i am a HUGE trash talker. funky walker, dirty talker.