you all remember chompy right?
here is a great shot of him chomping down on dr. vegas. (dr. vegas survived he is a dr. and therefore was able to sew himself the fuck back up. i was too in awe of the death roll performance in and of it’s self to have done a thing to help my helpless monkey. heartless bitch that i am)

so yesterday morning i am getting out of bed and this roundish ‘thing’ was laying on my sheets. i picked it up. it was an eyeball. i screamed. i checked that it wasn’t mine. i have blue eyes chompy’s are black ok sweet it’s not mine.

and then i couldn’t find chompy he was lost. with only one eye somewhere in the mess of the sheets. CHOMPY! CHOMPY i screamed.
i found him laying on his side an eyeless hole staring back up at me. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? gus and chompy must have gotten into some altercation i’d say gus had dr. vegas on her side.
OTHER than put you in a death roll what has chompy EVER done to you??

this is what my dear chompy looks like now. and his eye is now in a little container next to the bed so gus doesn’t play with it and kick it all over the apartment destroying any chance of chompy ever seeing out of it again.
chompy is going to need surgery. fuck i hope he makes it.

Depression fucks me up good sometimes. It is fucking me up the ass so hard right now I can’t tell up from down.
I don’t understand why I can go to therapy every fucking week and work so fucking hard on myself and my chemical imbalance that tom cruise and every other fucking asshole out there who thinks that people like me use depression to get attention and we’re full of shit and cost companies shit loads of money a year and blah fucking blah. I dare you fuckers (only the ones that are in the ‘tom’ category) to feel like this for one fucking day!!!
To have a day, a month a year (I wish) of thinking I’m making progress with the OCD, anxiety, hating life, hating myself, the not ever understanding WHY people really think life is so fucking great and all…..and then waking up wanting to die so bad there is almost nothing except having lost a friend to suicide that keeps me here. I can never let people see me cry. I only cry at inappropriate times like in meetings with my boss, the wrong people see it. When I need to cry because I am so fucking hateful of myself and the things I can’t be thankful for that I should be I can’t. I just hurt. And I don’t eat. I starve myself to make myself pay for being the loser I was brought up to be so at least I am technically living up to my fucked up potential.
The worst is when I feel myself slipping like I have been for a couple weeks, it creeps in slowly I start to care what people think, start to take stupid shit personal, start to feel paranoid, my muscles start to feel airy like they are floating and I can’t sleep without taking anxiety medication along with my regular crazy people meds - this is how I know I am heading down the road of no return. Yesterday was the first time I even left the apartment in over FIVE FULL DAYS at all - the furthest I had gone until that point was to check the mail. My face was looking so pale I thought I was going to die from paleness.
Here I am this person with talent and shit, I’m even naturally smrt… and I can’t get far enough away from my demons to make a go of it. I am 28 and have accomplished nothing. I am an unemployed fucking loser.
It is not fair that I feel afraid of posting this or being this open. But I guess that is life and one thing about life is that it is not fair. And I promised myself, for myself that’d I’d be honest with myself on this blog and I am myself, I am myself on this blog and I am myself in real life and it is because I am myself that I think people don’t like me!! Because people don’t seem to like real people who are honest and deal with their shit and talk about stuff like this they get scared and think I am crazy. I AM CRAZY that is the fucking point. Take it or leave it. I DO NOT DWELL - I DEAL. But some days, weeks, I don’t fucking want to. I can only imagine how much more fucked up I’d be without therapy.

There see, I am a fucking alien.

I am so done with Grand Theft Auto – San Andreas. It has gotten to the point where all I want to do is spend enough time with our girlfriend(s) so that we can have sex with them. Talk about LAME how many times you have to take them out to get in their pants. If they were trying to be realistic there, why bother? Guys are hip to our tricks. I am NOT saying that GTA isn’t RAD. I am just done with it. And the worst is that we are very close to finishing it. Adam and I used to trade off during missions or just work as a team in that I would refer to the book or keep my eyes open for shit and tell him what to do! Like: Do missions!! Go take our girlfriend out or she is going to dump our ass man!! Do missions!! ahhh you aren’t doing missions….DO MISSIONS. I still enjoy the odd rampage here and there but even those have lost their lustre.

So last Saturday I decided it was time to get over the fact I lost all of my Virtua Fighter Evolution data from my memory card. Ever since this data disappeared I have been rebelling against the game and sucking royally when I do play. Now play time also involves a lot of whining over how much it STILL SUCKS and how much I hate my memory card and everything it stands for which is obviously not keeping my games saved. I had built the characters I play(ed) up so much that when my PS2 buddies would come over I always kicked all their asses so badly they didn’t even want to play with me any more and they would leave with their tails between their legs crying like babies! Now I am being schooled and it sucks a lot. I think the only explanation for losing all of my data HAS TO BE that the computer decided I was just too good, the characters were obviously complaining. FUCKERS. My only salvation has come from WOLF. I was planning on resurrecting him with his maiden name AirIndia but when I said that out loud he got beat down two matches in a row so I decided I would call him NOT GUILTY. And so far, at time of publication anyway, I am at 141 wins and 17 losses.

If there are any jerks reading that play these addictive as hell (how is hell addictive?) games please let me know if you have you played GOD OF WAR. It is being highly recommended to me by my friend Robert but I have been too lazy to go rent it. I do intend to, I checked out the website for it yesterday and it does look rather awesome!

I can’t believe I am going to let Microsoft fuck me up the ass yet again but we have decided we are getting the new X-Box come this winter instead of getting a new Play Station. Tiger 2006 looks like it is going to be fucking amazing!!!!

I need to get this out. Last night a girlfriend was over and she has a really loud laugh but so do I and I have lived in my building a long time in two different suites. For well over a year we have lived right next to my land lord with no complaints except one at like three in the morning which I don’t think even counts.

Last night there was a knock at the door, Adam answered it while I hid the drugs and guns. There stands our 4 foot tall, German, 80 something year old, scary as shit land lord Mrs. E., who up until hours before we were still on the good side of. And I know this cause earlier in the evening her and Adam had this conversation about how you aren’t supposed to throw your cat shit in the dumpsters even if it is in plastic bags. Apparently no animal feces is allowed to be thrown in there at all. Are you kidding me? Tell that to a dog owner, I dare you! I couldn’t hear what she was saying but I instantly thought she must of found out about our meth lab or something. But no, at 6:30pm she said our friend was laughing too loud that it was annoying her and could she please keep it down. I warned Adam Mrs. E. was like this and could turn on you in an instant, I know very well of her doing it to other tenants. Adam is upset because he has let her stare at his ass for almost two years and this is the thanks he gets?

After my girlfriend left we were like, what the fuck, who does she think she is?…I felt like going next door and yelling turn your fucking hearing aid down a couple hours earlier you old bat. Not to mention as if you have any right AT ALL coming over to our apartment at 6:30PM to complain about LAUGHTER when the building has almost NO FUCKING WALLS right now and my bathroom sink has not released ANY WATER in over SEVEN DAYS ! Please, go fuck yourself, maybe then you will even I don’t know, RELAX. We have not complained AT ALL about the situation in the building, take your shit out on the assholes that probably are complaining, if you have to be a cunt be a cunt to them.

If there is even a shard of a thought in you that I am over-reacting to this just wait. This morning I wake up having not showered yesterday or even brushed my teeth cause I am disgusting like that and discover that not one tap in my apartment has water and the Birta is empty. I decide this just won’t do. I pack up a bag with monkeys on it and head over to David’s to use his shower and have a glass of water. As I am heading down the stairs I see the maintenance/construction guys who I think are there to work on the water situation???? but you tell me?? and the fuckers whistle at me. It is one thing, if construction guys whistle at chicks walking by OUTSIDE, BUT you have been working in my building for pushing…hard…on two months now - you have been in and out of my suite a lot and now TODAY you assholes whistle at me. When I get back there I am seriously going to kick them. Hard.

I get over to David’s and there is a sign on his elevator that says that today and today only the HOT water will be shut off for maintenance. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Basically I am over at David’s just hanging out wondering where I will get to shower? Any bets? I did get to brush my teeth, but what about the rest of my 2000 parts?

Mrs. E. you are now officially on MY bad side. I call people I like jerks you can only imagine what I call people I HATE.

If you love Dragons as much as I do click here.

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