The Rhoids
I’ve noticed that a lot of writers talk about bums, their poop, their dogs and cats poop, constipation and other bum related problems like explosive diarrhea on their blogs.
I don’t have a problem with this. In fact, when I entered the blogging world I remember thinking, if nothing else, I WILL fit in with [some of] The Bloggers because I’ve got stuff wrong with my ASS. I’m always talking about butts and how that baby got back and how I got back but I haven’t been able to wear thongs and yes this is a cry me a river post OR you can bust out your full size imaginary– I’ll also accept MINI imaginary violins.
The truth is that tomorrow [Thursday, February 9th] I’m going in for ASS surgery for The Rhoids. They are always referred to as The Rhoids and NEVER by the H word. Use of the H word can be grounds for me to end a friendship. I’ll accept ass jokes, ass cracks but the H word, NO.
The first time it happened I was nineteen and it was really bad and they threatened to surgically remove them then and they didn’t and now at twenty-eight I’m like some threat ASSHOLES like FUCK you– why didn’t you just nip and tuck me then? As IF they didn’t know with The Rhoids that bad at that young of an age that I wouldn’t be a regular sufferer. BAH.
I’m scared like a little fucking baby. More scared than when I had my collar bone surgery. That was scary to me. And on Monday ABC is going away to work and I’ll be alone and lonely, with Gus of course, just like old times but lonely and in pain and if you’ve ever wanted to buy me a present off my wish list please do so at your leisure [soon] because I’m having ASS SURGERY. Although, I guess, the BEST gift of all will be NEVER having The Rhoids ever ever again and I’ll be able to wear thongs whenever I want but there are none of those on my wish list. Darn it.
January 24th, 2010 at 18:47
[...] on February 8, 2006 when I came out with the secret that I had been a chronic hemorrhoid sufferer from the ripe old age [...]