short skirts and vaginas

unless they are of the athletic variety and match the sport i am participating in i will not wear shorts. until last summer it could be over 30 degrees and there i’d be in my pants. i fully agree with the women on the original british version of what not to wear: women + shorts = wrong.

i hate the heat. so much. it gives me a rash, it itches, i get sun stroke in like ten minutes and then i feel barfy. HELLO migraine. plus i sweat a lot. i hate BUTT sweat the most. yes i did ladies and gentlemen – i just said BUTT SWEAT in reference to myself. i started to get paranoid about my butt sweat penetrating my jeans, which in turn would make me sweat more. you can only imagine the trauma the summer heat causes me. THE TRAUMA.

last summer i decided that my legs couldn’t be that bad. they are rather chicken like. but one of my nike running shirts even says ‘i run therefore i am’. the shirt was obviously telling me it was ok to expose my legs because i run. never underestimate my ability to read between the lines people. i bought two skirts. they are short but when i sit down everything is covered. which almost brings me to the climax of this post. i also cut off a long jean skirt totally crooked but i wear it anyway- it is shorter in the back and barely (but does) cover the pertinent areas when i sit down. this year i added a plaid wanna be golf skirt – i say ‘wanna be’ cause it doesn’t have built in shorts. but again it is ‘safe’ to sit down in.

so here’s the deal. girls and women wear skirts a fuck lot shorter than mine. some only wear their vaginas with them and i simply can not get this out of my head. yesterday while walking up the street with adam i saw a girl with a skirt so short it wouldn’t even have covered half my ass. i almost went insane ranting. whilst praying she had some form of panties on.

we have all seen the photo of paris hilton getting out of her car legs akimbo naked pussy right there for the whole world to see. (i will not post it as a reminder because i do have limits) i worry every time i see these ladies in these skirts so short i am half drooling and half grossed out – how many chairs have i sat on that your skanky, sweaty, wet vagina has graced? not to mention your butt sweat. i walk around paranoid as paranoid can be that my ass is not covered and i wonder don’t all women worry about this? and i wear FULL ASS panties with my skirts i won’t even wear a thong if i have a short skirt on. if my vagina in a thong were to touch ANY chair or surface i’d freak.

i understand WHY women would not want to wear panties with skirts. trust me i get it. i just think when you really give it some thought it is seriously disgusting. EVEN if you have full butt panties on i still think it’s gross – the skirt should at least cover your entire private area when you sit. i take good care of my vagina it is important to me and i don’t want any part of your vagina/butt sweat anywhere near MY vagina. no offense. i am sure you all have lovely vaginas but please keep them covered if you are going to sit down and you only have your vagina on under your skirt.

**please note when i say ‘full butt’ it does not mean i support granny panties.

  • http://northern-way.blogspot.com transience

    LOL! i am guilty of wearing short skirts. i am small after all, so there’s not much to look up at. but i do wear boy-cut underwear, which i think is awesomerad and comfy and decent. i never air out my vagina in public. unless i want to. and that’s usually when i’m traveling with my beau and the only seat i get to sit on is in his car.

  • http://sarahlaughs.blogspot.com sarah

    haha! fuck! this post made me laugh so hard i cried!

    short skirts gross me out. and the thought of sharing vagina juice with anyone (especially not by choice) is fucking nasty as hell!

    glad to hear you are classy..

    making sure your ass is covered is VERY important. ;)

  • http://www.planetandrea.com Andrea

    i’m a boyshorts panties kind of girl myself, alot more comfy!

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    *****for those who want to see Paris Hilton’s snapper you need only to search the images section on google or whatever engine you use and put in paris hilton + vagina*****

    it should come RIGHT UP!! :)

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    excellent excellent point it is bad enough when my legs get suctioned to chairs and it feels like all my skin is coming off when i stand up…imagine that happening to a vagina!

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    all these comments kicked ass…i laughed and laughed..i am so glad you ladies all agree and the men – i think are half grossed out and half want to go around smelling chairs before they sit down ;) i was like totally hoping some skank was actually going to try to defend this way of dress or undress i should say…but no such luck!

    and sorry to have freaked all you peeps out who had never thought of this – to be honest although it had crossed my mind it didn’t really start to bother me until this year and then i just couldn’t stop thinking about it……i will now move on. I think… ;)

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    oh geesh this comment almost killed me!! i so know what you mean whenever i have been in strip clubs they strippers are always walking around with their little towels…in a strip club with that many vaginas kicking around i wonder if that would even help though…seriously!!

  • http://fandg.blogspot.com AMS

    this is too funny! i was out one night (wearing a respectable knee length skirt) when some hussy who was wearing what can only be described as a hairband brushed off my boyfriends arm – he said he felt ass…..i was not happy

    KEEP IT IN THE PANTS!

  • http://sumomerriment.blogspot.com sumo

    I feel so left out! I haven’t seen the pic of Paris either. Come on Corinna…do a scan of sorts! Just don’t do it when you are sweaty. It would be sweet and it would please Geezer to have some competition for a change.

  • http://geminimint.blogspot.com Bezumiye

    I wear pantaloons with my skirts :D

  • http://www.ewlala.blogspot.com mitzzee

    oh fuck girl! you are damn well hilarious!!!! i also do not support granny pants…but legs akimbo in a short short skirt with commando is a big no no……i see it all the time….i mean….a good looking body deserves some attention to fashion but there’s a line….and your post depicted the crossing of that. bravo! i say: put some freagan undies on already, or a longer skirt….shameful! then again, who the hell am i to talk? i NEVER wear skirts! ;)

  • http://bugsbutt.blogspot.com Bug’s Butt

    I’m with you here, Corrina. Leave SOMETHING to the imagination. Plus, you don’t want to suction-cup yourself to a chair by accident!

  • http://every-passing-moment.blogspot.com/ lorena

    i was having a similiar conversation with friends. it’s unbelievable how they were skirts that just go right below their butt. i’m amazed and that they don’t wear panties, damn that’s disgusting!!! i’m with you on this!! :)

  • http://freeclara.blogspot.com clara*

    amen sister.

    a. men.

  • http://huhnoshit.blogspot.com Indy

    Finally! Someone has stood up to the vagina-monsters. It freaks me out too. My vagina shall never touch public property. NEVER!

  • http://blogjar.blogspot.com amanda

    My boyfriend worked in a strip club as a bouncer and I sometimes went with him. One of the dancers was carrying around a towel and she put the towel over the chair before she sat down. I asked her why she did this and she said it was because one of the dancers had herpes and she didn’t want to catch it from sitting on one of the chairs in her thong. ewwwwwwww.

  • http://surrealu.keenspace.com clay

    At least you don’t have a vagina dentata complex. Okay, my own sentence just gave me bad visuals. But this is your fault, Gus! I never even considered the vagina/skirt issue before! uhg. I’m an essence-o-phobe, and now I’m gonna be paranoid of nasty vag sweat being everywhere. With teeth.

  • http://www.neelsen.blogspot.com neel

    you are SO funny, but I get the point. i have never seen this photo of paris you refer to, but maybe i am the only one.

  • tom robbins

    please tell me someone has read villa incognito… cause geezer, you just brought about images of “pussy play ping pong… pussy smoke cigarette…” please someone know what i am talking about!!

  • geezer!

    corinna(if poo juice in the crevice is enough),darlin youre SO RIGHT nearly.this post made me LARF for a lot longer than 2 seconds! and i do feel that it could help induce my current back log of HUMAN WASTE.
    god bless you,you JERK.

    if i was a girl.id show everyone my vagina and make it wink.

  • http://btexpress.blogspot.com/ BTExpress

    Boy, I had no idea you gals had it so rough. Guys can sit on anything as long as they get to sit. They also wouldn’t complain if naked vaginas had been sitting there before them. ;)

  • http://todaysaddiction.blogspot.com Addict

    As a public service, I refrain from skirts and short-shorts…
    There are only two reasons I’d go without panties:
    1) I don’t have any clean ones
    2) I need new jeans cuz the old ones are too damn tight

    (I’ll never look at a skirt the same now!)

  • http://ihatetheitguy.blogspot.com maja

    oh yeah and I totally hate the bum sweat! I know there are people out there who don’t sweat much.. and I’m not one of them. Sweaty bumcrack sucks.. pity I work in a place with an average winter temperature of 33 and an average summer temperature of 42 (degrees celcius). Sweat-a-plenty up here!

  • http://ihatetheitguy.blogspot.com maja

    I’ve been really digging the skirts since I came back to Australia, but I don’t wear short ones, only knee length skirts. I love shorts! Because I live in Australia and it gets so fucking hot, shorts are a must. I can’t do all activities in skirts… for example, I wouldn’t ride a bike in a skirt.

    As for vaginas touching things that I might have touched… eeeeew, that never occurred to me before. And I’ve never seen Paris Hilton’s exposed cunt in a photo before… probably due to the fact that I’m really not interested in anything to do with Paris Hilton.

  • http://badnewsblonde.blogspot.com aughra

    I love skirts – I wear them all year long. But when a skirt is so short that I can feel leg on leather when I hit a chair, I make sure to wear panties….

    Haven’t worn any that short this summer – am ten pounds past my short skirt weight.

  • http://estellasrevenge.blogspot.com Andi

    You just said everything I’ve ever thought about butt sweat, vaginas, and skirts. I’m not a fan of shorts…hate my legs…but I do worry about butt sweat quite often…especially since I have leather seats in my car and that increases the butt sweat 10-fold. As for short skirts and vaginas…eeeww eeww eeww. I’m totally against showing my goods to the ‘hood in any and all skirts. I don’t like ‘em terribly short in the first place, but i’m clumsy, and I don’t want to fall and show off my labia either! Yay for full-butted and vagina’ed panties when the occasion warrants it.

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    yes you are right i have kept it very very light with the ‘cunt’ on here considered how much i actually say it in ‘real’ life. i know i used it way back in the tampoon one. shit maybe even i have limits??

  • http://www.myspace.com/rilah terra

    well, you haven’t used the word cunt, yet, so i don’t know if you get “props” for that, or “boo-urns”

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    i just can not remember the last time i said vagina more times than i have in the last hour. :)

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    thank you! this has just really been bothering me lately..it is consuming me. sadly. i agree i would MUCH rather see a little VPL than have to GUESS as to whether your naked vagina is attacking that skytrain seat or rather whether the grems already on the skytrain/bus (whatever seat) are attacking HER naked vagina.

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    i have granny panties oh do i! they are just reserved for my bloody cunt! (that was for you AB) there are always exceptions maybe you look good in shorts…i haven’t seen you in them yet.
    i rely on hunching over toilet seats to keep my legs strong, not to mention my ‘other’ muscles. ;)

  • http://www.gusgreeper.com gus greeper

    we are totally on the same page :) my favorite underwear right now are from american eagle. they don’t go up my ass and they are great for lounging – basically boy briefs. i pretty much only wear thongs with pants…i don’t really have HUGE issues with VPL only minor ones and mostly specific cases, granny pant VPL is a totally different kind of VPL, i highly doubt you get granny VPL you are just TOO hot my friend.

  • http://pseudoblogs.blogspot.com AB

    I feel guilty reading this. Like I just stepped into a girls only club. I apologize. I will leave now.

  • krismas

    that was HILARIOUS!! and i 100% agree with you!! noone needs other people’s butt sweat touching theirs!! and PLEASE WEAR APPROPRIATE UNDERWEAR when wearing a short skirt!! or WEAR A LONGER SKIRT!! i’d so much rather see VPL than know i’m sitting where someone’s bare bum just was!! ICK!

  • http://www.myspace.com/rilah terra

    what do you have against granny panties? okay, i consider almost any kind (minus the boy-briefs a la underoos) of panties granny undies, and i wear em to bed with pride – cuz it gives me the illusion of an ass.
    Now, this whole skirt/pussy/chair scenario…what’s the difference between sitting on a toilet seat and coming into possible contact with past pussy remnants, compared to sitting ona bus/bench/space ship/man and possibly coming into contact with these nefarious [i]germs [/i]? the difference is simple: one takes place in the privacy of a bathroom stall and the other, in front of small children’s lines of sight.
    the real crime, to expand upon your eloquence, are the women/chicks/hussies that have some extra junk in the trunk and the under the hood and aren’t emphatic about keeping the junk stored. I don’t need to see junk or pussy or anything enlse that has an amusing euphamism.
    [b] but i do love my board shorts and dickies cutoffs [/b]

  • http://www.robinalexa.blogspot.com Binsk

    I wear boy shorts underwear..you know them? But with pants they look like granny panties apparently…not good. I need to go get some thongs for my pants.

    Under skirts I wear those little spandex short thingies you know? I am never exposed unless I want to be ;)