So basically I love books you need only be reading here for a day, maybe even only a minute to figure that one out. Although I wish I owned every book I have ever read I don’t, I’d also like my shelves to run straight up and down the wall but this place was not painted when we moved in [2004] so if we move the shelves someone has to come in here and so where would I go while the paint smell clears because most people I know have real jobs, plus it would be headache city up in here. I think the saving grace here is because of how my books are set up at present even if they did run straight up and down the wall at this point they wouldn’t fit anyway, because they would have to be perfectly aliened and perfectly spaced so this asymmetrical set up I have now is I GUESS for the best. If Adam was not extremely good at his job there’s just no way these shelves would be holding.
I like to keep my books in alphabetical order by release date. In or around 2003 I started to put my finish date on the inside cover page but have yet to go through them all to catalogue. Although Adam knows what to do with me when I kick the bucket some day, he does not know my wishes for my books because I don’t either, I do have a lot of first edition first printings those would likely be the only ones I’d assign to specific people. Oddly with all the time I spend thinking of death I can’t think of even one book I’ve thought of to pass on yet they all hold major emotional attachment for me.
I re-arranged my books as a way to try and help myself keep moving even if it is only in the apartment and get myself out of what I will now simply refer to as a re-lapse, thank you Capegirl. And even though yesterday I was done [again], the shrink is still right the down times are not for as long. [I have to keep reminding myself of that even if it's EVERY DAY that I happen to feel good] Yes the intensity is there but when I wake up like say today and can hardly remember the last two days but I know I feel decent I have to stop looking at it as riding it out till the next crash, I know that is part of my problem and I know it is common, it is technically easier to be in the depths of despair and not care than put one foot in front of the other some days. I often wonder if my shrink watched me on hidden camera for two weeks like on What Not to Wear if he’d change my diagnosis but he is insistent that I am not bi-polar. But yes oh yes do I ever have manic tendencies.
If you can’t read the book titles the photos are set up so that if you click the photo you can view it bigger. Even I click to view all sizes and all I need do is look up at the bloody wall.
