Yesterday it snowed a fair amount here in lovely Vancouver and it made me a hyper mess and I couldn’t stop taking hits off my bong and that’s a no no during the day. If memory serves it snowed last Sunday but I was all MEH who cares I have no northern ties, face it Carlson, SNOW SUCKS. But then yesterday I was on Twitter and I mentioned how when I was a kid I was tobogganing at the main golf course in Smithers and almost first run I basically fell in a wee creek and we weren’t being picked up for hours and I was pretty cold and literally frozen and someone responded to me with “you are from Smithers? I am from Burns Lake.” Well then, let the talk of The North begin.
I realized I was going to get nothing done, no dishes, no writing, no yoga, so I got off my ass, went and got my seriously function only winter boots, my original plan with said boots was to ONLY wear them up north where no one would see me but Adam has this idea that because we have them we should wear them as if they were normal winter boots so I did just that and they didn’t hurt my toe so I guess it is healed.
I went for a sensational walk around Lost Lagoon it was filled with cliché moments typical of Vancouver in the snow, I laughed, I got a little misty eyed, a raccoon almost ate me, it was fantastic clueless fun, then I had a panic attack and felt like I was hyperventilating and almost fell over, too much fresh air and awesomeness but you know what? They actually have a life guard sitting down at Lost Lagoon so had I have fallen in there would have been someone there to save me.
I did not leave the West End so there was not a lot to really get on my nerves except the fact that our street never gets cleared when it snows because I think the city only has one snow plow and I’m not taking a shot there I’m being serious.
But before I go, I feel very strongly that it doesn’t matter how citified I become if you ever see me carrying an umbrella in the SNOW please fucking shoot me, right in the face, do it up, cause my life would be over that day anyway. You drive me insane (not YOU geesh) seriously put the fucking umbrella away. Seeing as I am supposed to be all in control of my temper let’s think about this rationally: how does it affect ME that some people carry umbrellas in the snow? Quite frankly it doesn’t affect me, the person, BUT if I stood in one place and put my arms out and started spinning around catching snow on my tongue and someone carrying an umbrella entered my personal spinning space I guess then we’d have a problem. I should probably relax about it but I never will that is why it’s called a pet peeve.