Archive for the 'Assholes' Category

Page 4 of 12

Congratulations!

Published on October 1, 2008 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

I wrote a really lame Haiku and it was on the fridge and so when I took a photo of it I included my Congratulations You’re an Asshole card.  When I was in the United States Aughra gave one of these to Jenn and I and although we wanted to hand out the cards who really wants to give up a card this cool?  As IF I’m not an asshole deserving of this card at times anyway.

If only I had a double sided photo copier I’d be the most loved bandit in the West End saving our neighborhood from gay bashing fuckers. [must read posts on this local travesty Miss604 & Raul]  I think I’d put my first card on West End BIA Executive Director Lynn Hellyar’s car checking the other box and demand she stop blaming Surrey for the appalling assault that took place the other day in the West End.  Aside from the inexcusable act itself, even if the attackers were from Surrey WHO CARES, it is NOT the root of the problem so stop being an ignorant asshole and take responsibility for the issues we face in the West End WITH OR WITHOUT SURREY! If memory serves the last brutal attack against a homosexual citizen took place in Stanly Park.  If anyone knows where that attacker was from please feel free to leave it in the comments to help prove IT DOESN’T MATTER.

This will likely be an unpopular statement but the ignorant dialogue surrounding this most recent attack is reminiscent to me of constantly hearing for lack of better example American news media personalities blaming Canada and Mexico for drug and terrorist related problems.  I am so sorry but how about the government spend some of that money going to the war on border control before you just automatically spout off some ridiculous excuse as to how Canada and or Mexico has gotten America into various fixes.  Most recently the Heroin epidemic plaguing a large majority of U.S. rural areas is NOT Mexico’s fault.  Please, I just want to barf all over the TV when I hear these excuses.

On that note, because I was asked what the back options were, here is my Asshole card.

Congratulations Let's Discuss Why!

*click on photos to enlarge*

My husband got kicked off Facebook.

Published on September 7, 2008 by Corinna Carlson | 24 Comments

I knew the day was going to come where I would sign into Facebook and it would say that I was going to be forced to change to the new Facebook. Bloody hell the day came.

I know people including Adam who refuse to even look at the new platform, I looked at it almost barfed and went back to the old one ruing the day they would force me to change over.  I’m a pattern person, I have issues with change, I accept it but that doesn’t mean I ever have to like it and as long as I know what I’m talking about or at least think I do I don’t have a problem complaining about it.

Sometimes Adam doesn’t trust the internet so when he signed up for Facebook he used the very formal Acronym Bradley Carlson and put up a photo that he looks like the REALZ Haley Joel Osment in.  The photo part is irrelevant I’m just mentioning it because I think that maybe the number one thing that Adam misses about Facebook is that Haley had just accepted him as a friend.  Who knows where that Facebook friendship may have gone, I mean the resemblance is pretty uncanny.

i wuz haley joel osments stunt driver

One day Adam got pissed off because Facebook would not stop trying to encourage him to check out the new Facebook and so he sent them an email;

i do not want the new facebook platform thank you for pushing it on me every time i log in. i can feel your lack of humanity. your ads suck

To which Facebook responded with,

Hi,

I aplogize for this inconvenience, but your account has been temporarily disabled because it was created with a fake name. Fake names are a violation of our Terms of Use.  Facebook requires users to provide their full first and last names (i.e. no initials).  Nicknames can be used in the form of FirstName ‘NickName’ LastName, but only if they are a variation on your real first or last name, such as ‘Bob’ instead of ‘Robert’.  Additionally, please note that impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited.

If you would like to use this profile again, just get back to us with your real name, and we will reactivate the account for you.

Thanks for your understanding,

Homer
User Operations
Facebook

To which Adam responded with,

My full name is Acronym Bradley Carlson. Please reactivate my account.  If
your terms of use prohibit middle names, feel free to remove the Bradley.

yours truly,

Acronym Carlson

To which Facebook responded with,

Hi Acronym,

Thanks for providing this information. At this time, we cannot verify the ownership of the account. Please send a scanned image of a government issued ID (e.g. driver’s license) to idrequests@facebook.com in order to confirm your ownership of the account. Please black out any personal information that is not needed to verify your identity (e.g. social security number). Rest assured that we will permanently delete your ID from our servers once we have used it to verify the authenticity of your account.

Additionally, you should make sure to copy and paste all of our previous correspondence into your message when you reply. Once we have received this information, we will reevaluate the status of the account. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Thanks for contacting Facebook,

Don
User Operations
Facebook

To which Adam responded with,

The irony of this whole situation is that I usually use a nickname when i
fill in forms because everyone always assumes I am using a nickname when I
write the real one. So I thought that on this platform I would for once use
my proper name so everyone could find me. I appreciate that you dont believe
my name to be Acronym Bradley Carlson, but I will not be persuaded to
provide you with copies of my identification. Please don’t take this
personally, I do not hold anything against your company, but I would never
provide such sensitive or private materials to any party on the web. I am a
little surprised that people would volunteer this type of information.

Too bad my name isn’t Rob Armstrong we could have avoided this whole
misunderstanding. Please reactivate my account, my wrestler is getting weak.
And I don’t know who’s having a birthday. sigh

yours truly, Acronym Bradley Carlson

To which Facebook responded with,

Hi,

Unfortunately, without ID verification, there is nothing further we can do to help re-activate your account.  Rest assured that we will permanently delete your ID from our servers once we have used it to verify the authenticity of your account.  Let me know if you have any further questions.

Thanks,

Don
User Operations
Facebook

Adam has not responded further to them.  They are obviously pissed because he shot down their stupid platform we took a screen shot of the Acronyms page; of course those users won’t get kicked off.  I’m sure they feel they have valid rights to our government issued IDs but this is Facebook we are talking about the above policies are so stupid I can hardly wrap my head around them, and I like your name too Homer.  It seriously licks not being able to send him flare and kick his ass at wrestling. Fucking Facebook you suck sweaty clammy balls.

Acronyms Of Facebook

Vancouver Cab Driver(s) – TAKE THAT!!!

Published on March 1, 2008 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

During Vancouver’s most extreme rainy season, some people here call it winter, I do not walk over to my Shrink’s office – I take cabs. It is a little luxury I take the liberty of indulging in.

I’m well aware of the series ‘Vancouver’s Cab Crisis CTV News Investigates‘. BUT I have not watched, read or listened to any of their coverage, because a pretty good while before I saw it previewed as an upcoming News Investigation [other than it just being a space filler mentioned from time to time] I had already started an investigation of my own. It wasn’t that I ever had the intention of making any kind of relevant story out of it, I was just curious because I have always been a bit of a bus snob and it has only gotten worse with the city COVERED in construction for the 2010 Olympics, and thus I noticed the decline of anything even remotely resembling service rather quickly.

I started to notice it around Christmas so no one would even listen to me because it was Christmas and all I’d get was, ‘it is Christmas there are never any cabs’ and I would be like NO this is different you can feel it in the air something is wrong out there. I probably didn’t defend my claims exactly like that but I KNEW I WAS RIGHT!

Taking a cab is supposed to be somewhat relaxing and out of nowhere not only could I not find a cab and was almost late for therapy numerous times and had to wait up to thirty-five minutes outside a popular hotel for a cab home, I noticed that once I was in the cab the drivers suddenly started to act as if they had no idea how to drive around the city. To a resident it became crystal clear that due to everyone who lives in Metro-Vancouver knowing full well that what is known as the Cambie Bridge is OFF LIMITS – until if we are lucky 2010 and don’t forget that it is thanks to YOUR grandchildrens’ tax dollars – and that drivers were facilitating a mad conspiracy to screw us all.

So ok I will give you that getting in a cab and having to give EXACT street by street directions is not that bad, is not too much to ask, and obviously I had been taking it a tad for granted that everyone here is just so damn nice. Sure. Since last December I have seen more cabs drive right past my MAN HANDS WAVING than I have actually flagged since 1996 it makes me sick and I fear for us all in 2010 if cab drivers are treating us residents this poorly.

I started to ask the ones who didn’t dick me around and actually make ME explain WHY they shouldn’t take Cambie questions about what was going on in the city. For a while I was happy buying that due to the entire province needing workers that they were just short; but what wasn’t working for me was the excessive out of the way trips drivers were taking to get places, and I was letting them know. Sometimes I forget to give my route because I’m distracted or busy arguing with them about where the traffic is when I KNOW DAMN WELL THEY KNOW!!!! [Ps. I used to work directly with courier call centers FOR YEARS.] I would just give up and say go which ever way is fastest which means they take Cambie and before I realize and can do anything about it I’m already pretty much swearing at them.

The anger I had begun to feel just getting in a cab came to a peak of sorts when on the way home from my Shrink’s office recently with Adam in the cab, and on our dime the driver stopped his car, rolled down his window and started YELLING at people who had managed to flag a cab down town from the suburb of Langley – he YELLED don’t pay him he is out of his zone!!!!!! And the driver went into an elaborate speech about how the suburb cab companies were stealing their business. REALLY? Are they?

Sorry but I’d still pay the guy whether he is out of zone, area, whatever you want to call it cause guess what ass face HE STOPPED! This is when I thought hmmm maybe I should post on this.

Yesterday it hit the fan like a bird getting stuck in a jet engine there were feathers EVERYWHERE!

I get in, we argue over traffic and it is raining and I am EXTREMELY grumpy and ready for my session. I missed the street I should have asked him to turn down and it was too late. I began making comments, “I can’t believe you actually took Cambie in the rain”, “this ride costs me twelve dollars every Friday you’d better hope for no traffic”.

DEAD STOP. GRID LOCK!

By this time my anger is boiling, fiery red blood is about to spew all over him and burn him a new asshole. I consider calling Adam and just venting very loudly over how mad I am. But I was in a rage so I decided FUCK THIS I’m getting out. The meter was at $9.75 and we were not even half way across.

“I’m giving you a twenty right now, give me a ten I’m getting out.”

He of course doesn’t seem to like this but I insist knowing I have to get out before his car reaches a certain point or I stand more than a chance of dooring a cyclist, to say the very least.

We exchange the money; I look right at him and say “I REFUSE TO SIT HERE IN TRAFFIC!”, get out, slam the door, hop over the separator to the walk path, quickly becoming thankful the rain had stopped and instantly phone Adam and burst forth like a tempest my story of VICTORY and empowerment over a cab driver and hoofed it the rest of the way JUST making it on time.

I ended my conversation with Adam by saying the ONLY way things are going to change in this city in regards to cabs is if people start jumping out of them. See if any cab driver dicks me around after THAT. I have the balls.

Still Coughing

Published on October 11, 2007 by Corinna Carlson | 0 Comments

This is the first time I have gone this long without posting and one of my parents hasn’t asked if I’m ok. Maybe that is because I’m 30 now? I’ll have to ask them. BASICALLY, I’m still sick. BUT not sick sick, just annoying and stupid mostly dry COUGH sick. It means I can’t work though and I keep having to turn down calls including today I was supposed to work but didn’t because if my cough gets any worse it’ll be hospital bad. I have gotten coughs since I was a kid so I know how to handle them and if I worked in an office I’d go because I feel pretty much fine other than, *normal* to suddenly migraine headaches, sore ribs and a sore back my stomach muscles only start to hurt if I have a full on cough attack and tears are running down my face and I can hardly breath and Adam is all ARE YOU OK? But I can’t answer him I can only flip my head all over the place rolling around like a fish waving my hands like they are flippers. When I worked in offices I’d go in cough a bit and get sent home but at least I went. I knew getting that cold so early in the season was BAD NEWS!

Some of you will remember Mrs. E. my horrid German landlord. I fixed some of the July 2005 archives and there are some stories of her antics under the assholes category and OF COURSE you long term readers will remember this, CLICK HERE NOW. And really that is all you need. And this. Anyway, she was being herself again the other day and cornered Adam about my cough because she says that I cough too much, she doesn’t like it, Adam just walked away from her. I’ve yet to run into her. I can’t wait until I do!

Last night a migraine sent me to bed and I said MY HEAD HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS COUGH IT IS REBELLING. I did not yell it though I said it very quietly. Yelling would be silly. SO I was not able to read before bed last night and I am coming down the home stretch of A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini which is taking a lot longer than normal for me to read because how I feel is dictating when I can read. My friend I lent The Kite Runner to is done it which rules because it means I get my book back. AWESOME.

I didn’t post because I didn’t want to complain and really I am not doing much except not doing things I am asked to which is unlike me and I’m sorry. I have also been coughing all over the key board which is probably what got Adam sick but he is almost better, me not so much BUT I can’t go any longer without posting, blogging is somewhat of a screwy addiction at times.