depression, recovery, and life in vancouver
Even though these videos are with a better camera I am still no guitar hero expert but I put some leg kicks and some good facial expressions in this for you and my foot is in it.
Strutter – Kiss Hard Level
Adam and I battle and he wins. – John the Fisherman- Primus Medium Level
Basically I’ve been feeling like shit this week. I wake up each day hoping I will feel better. Today there is hope. I’ve been napping and doing nothing and the apartment looks like shit and I’ve been avoiding my new short term goal list that has seemingly easy tasks like, ‘leave the house everyday for at least a half an hour’. Sweet goal, like I am five or some shit and need to be hand held through everything, but nope just can’t leave my house. I think I’ll pop back out of it for sure. It could just be the weather. But everything is still really green and flowers are blooming etc. but I don’t really care I notice it but does it really make me feel better, no.
Since I’ve started to ‘feel better’ I have been dreading bad days and the bad days make me feel guilty, which is fucking stupid because everyone has bad days. I am not really understanding where the guilty feeling is coming from I guess my last depression crash bullshit just lasted so long I feel like I should be making a real go of it. But I’m right now having multiple days in a row that are bad and I’m getting worried. It started on Monday, but I noticed it coming on late last week. I just haven’t felt like doing anything, nothing that is productive anyway. I’m going to have to force myself back into my to do lists. I’m falling asleep during hockey games. Seeing as we are losing I guess that isn’t an incredibly big deal but still it is the bloody PLAYOFFS.
Playing on Facebook and getting high scores in hard level on Guitar Hero 2 are pretty much the highlights of my life right now. I am stuck on level 7 of hard with only two songs to go before I open the encore and I am so frustrated I am ready to scream. But I’d be at the end of my rope with that whether depressed or not.
I take a lot of heat for being a Toronto Maple Leafs fan living in Vancouver when I’m also a Canucks fan. I’ll admit I’ve had a waning interest in the NHL [not HOCKEY just the NHL] since the strike and since Bertuzzi left. But I love him playing for Detroit I think it is perfect for him and this means I am now a band wagon Red Wings fan and will still collect all Bertuzzi memorabilia. Aside from that I like to fuck with people so in the past I’ve done things like wear my Leafs jersey to work when the Canucks and the Leafs have still been in the playoffs so I guess I deserve some of the heat. But I just walk around, hands up, exclaiming, LOOK I AM from Ontario, I grew up watching the Leafs my cousins would disown me if I ever lost my Leafs love.
I can’t remember exactly how it came up but Rebecca and I were IMing and the Leafs not being in the playoffs and golf came up and she said I should go golfing in my Leafs jersey. Cheeky cheeky.
So I thought sure why not I’m sure the Leafs aren’t out there wearing their jerseys on the course but you can guarantee they are out there let me go show them some support and or make fun of them either/or, dishing it can be as good as taking it.
I caused quite a stir let me tell you. We went at 8:10am and people were staring at me and straining their necks back to look at me and I got over four YOU ARE WEARING THE WRONG JERSEYs and this was on the course so like DUH you are thick and totally not getting my statement. I also played like complete and utter shit and I blame the jersey. TOTALLY. It was cursed. We both played like shit. I had Vancouver Canuck socks on but they were obviously not enough. The rivalry between the teams is simply too great and Vancouver’s love for their Canucks ruined my round AND Adam’s.
And then vindication, we walked by a window and on the inside of the window they had a sign that said ‘LETS GO RAPTORS!’ and inside the living room was a group of guys, one pointed at me while the others turned to look and all gave me thumbs up and faux high fives and gang symbols and shit and we were laughing so hard we went back and I walked up to their window and had my picture taken with them.
I’m Not a Real Mom
For the 13th year in a row Gus forgot Mothers day and I got nothing. No card, no extra kisses. NOTHING. Every year I think this is it this is the year but nope she just doesn’t get it. I know I don’t have six nipples, I know I didn’t give birth to her and that I am technically her ‘step’ mom but still she could try. Bloody cats.
She is lucky she is so cute.