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The Terror and the Tortoiseshell #bookreview

The Terror and The Tortoiseshell As far as reading goes, I’ve been having a hard time with books that aren’t complete shit this year, the worst of it is, because of my RULES on having to finish books that I start I’m way behind on my minimum quota, I’m not going to even come close, unless I cheat and read a bunch of super short books. If they are good I guess it doesn’t really matter. Other than The Joy of Living – Unlocking the Secret of Happiness by, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, which I read so my psychiatrist and I could have a sort of book club therapy session on it and it turned out to be fantastic I highly recommend it. But it wasn’t a fun, easy, fancy free read. In most places it was pretty slow and took longer to read than I’d have liked. Learning to meditate and trying to meditate may cause actual meditation slowing down the reading process considerably. This meant I had to read things back over constantly.

I put out a call on Twitter, to the effect of “someone please send me something that doesn’t suck to read, this is getting ridiculous”. Ian from @atomicfez who I have met only once but made an impression and we chat on the Twitter, sent me an eBook copy of a book he’d published called The Terror and the Tortoiseshell, A Benji Spriteman Mystery by John Travis. He basically told me it was something about cats, Ian knows I like cats, an extra piece of thoughtfulness there I thought. I finished the piece of trash I was currently crawling through and with some skepticism set out to read the new book; I’m extremely picky with what I will read when it comes to fiction Mystery novels.

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Benji the cat asleep on his owners legs awakens to screams, which turn out to be animals murdering humans, The Terror has started. He suddenly finds himself to be of human size and able to stand on and walk with his back paws. This has happened to the rest of the animals as well, lions, tigers, bears, dogs, with no explanation for what caused The Terror. There is also no explanation for the odd cat or dog found still living as if it were the good old days, unable to talk and just a pet. The animals fill the zoo with the last of the humans found on the streets, most finding themselves cast out of their previous homes. They are now called Humes or Sappies, barely seen for fear of being viciously slain. Even new organizations like The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Humans [SPCH] can’t stop the madness or heinous murders. Benji Spriteman takes on the roll of his old owner Jimmy, this has become commonplace for a lot of animals, if they don’t take over their jobs they still take on many defining characteristics. Benji, now a detective, sets out to solve the hume murders.

When you first start to read The Terror and the Tortoiseshell, the talking animals and their take over will cause anyone who has also read Animal Farm to try and draw comparisons. It doesn’t take long to realize you are reading a better story and one with very few similarities. I found the ninety-five page Animal Farm tedious, it felt like it took me as long to read as the just over three hundred page Travis novel did. It may be hard to imagine that a book with the word terror in the title could be funny, but you’d be wrong, from Rats taking over the newspaper and publishing it with no sentence structure, grammar or spell checking, to a restaurant that serves nothing but human dishes, there are surprises around every corner and just when you think there is nowhere for the story to go other than to be solved but you still have one hundred pages to go, Benji and his buddies will cough up even more hair balls to chase after.

Animals behaving like animals but on two paws instead of four towering over humans, feeding on humans because The Terror has happened, turned out to be just as dark as it was fun and hilarious. The writing is witty and intelligent, I was able to lose myself into the absurdity of it all while not feeling like the message of the book was being pushed in my face. I would definitely recommend it and thank my buddy Ian for giving me the eBook copy, about time I read a good book this year.

It only took 13 years

Last weekend I overcame a thirteen year fear. It is something that for years I have tried to tell myself I could get over but was never able to. For those who don’t know, in 1997 I was on vacation in The Cook Islands and on my second to last day there I crashed my motor scooter and landed on my head. The pavement was wet and I went into a roll, my shoulder took the brunt of the fall snapping my collarbone and did some sweet damage to my right knee.

at the base of the peak.

where we hiked.  ~ The Needle

We had done the cross Island hike to The Needle, the peak on the island of Raratonga, and because we each had our own scooter we left one at each end of the trail to make it easier to get back to the house where we were staying. We got lost on the hike and ended up scaling roots and rocks and were beat when we got to the bottom. Even had we not have gotten lost, it is still a full days worth of hiking. We were covered in mud and pretty pleased, it had been a really amazing day. We picked up the other scooter and as we were leaving for home it started to pour rain. I was not wearing a helmet.

At the time, Air New Zealand was the only airline with the rights to fly into Raratonga, leaving the Island a diamond in the rough in those days. I haven’t been in the travel industry for a good while now and could still probably sell a trip there just from talking about how awesome it is, lets just say Bali has NOTHING on it, not ONE thing. When I rented the scooter I rented it FIRST and DROVE to the license place, no lesson no nothing. My parents had been there the year before so my dad showed me the basics and I learned how to use it myself, and fast, they drive on the other side of the road there too.

My dad was in front of me and because of the rain I had my head dipped slightly as to not get water on my sunglasses, rendering me unable to see. He slowed down to hit a pot hole and I looked up too late, hit my front brakes and the bike slid out from underneath me so fast the next thing I remember is my head hitting the pavement. I remember the whole accident minus the sound, I have no memory of any sound and apparently I was swearing my ass off and freaking out at myself, calling myself stupid for crashing, how could I have let this happen… whatever it was relayed to me after and I was sort of embarrassed over how many f-bombs I had apparently dropped but not really I was after all in complete shock.

I was taken to hospital in what passes for an ambulance there – the back of a pickup truck with the universal red cross sign on it. Even with a piece of bone sticking up out of my arm and the fact that lifting it was agony it was according to them not broken, no x-rays, they cleaned up my road rash and sent me home.

i may be smiling but i am in shock and broken.

(please note the OLD SCHOOL Nike Pegasus runners before they were discontinued but were thankfully brought back a few years ago now, they’ve always been my favourite shoe to run in)

kinda glad i took a teddy bear.

I rode horses as a kid and had some pretty bad falls and throws and I ALWAYS got back up on the horse even though I was never a huge fan of riding, it was one of those things my parents must have thought would be good for me I guess, I never thought crashing that motor scooter would evoke so much fear in me that biking would simply exit my life completely, and roller blades FORGET about it! Unfortunately the image of my head hitting the pavement played over in my mind like a broken record, I can still see every moment of that crash like it was yesterday.  No matter how hard I tried to block it out, it would not leave, still today it isn’t gone.

The more years that passed the less likely I thought it was that I would ever ride a bike again. When my parents moved to Bali my dad left me with his old mountain bike that I rode as a kid as one of my cross trainers for running. It sat in the living room, then it was in the bedroom, my mom even bought us both helmets, then it went down to storage and then Phaedra needed a bike so we lent it to her and once we lent it to her I started to feel really left out, not by her, but by myself. I’m not a pussy I’ve been hurt badly before, I define clumsy, but that has never stopped me before.

By the time she was finished with the bike I was determined to get back on it. I can’t afford to swim right now so that is out as a cross trainer and in order for me to be able to run injury free because I have injured myself so badly racing in the past I HAVE to cross train and the bike was my only FREE option.

Last weekend, thanks to the support and encouragement of Phaedra and Adam I got back on the bike; I DID IT!

I was a little wobbly at first, and it took a few tries to get the seat right as I gauged how comfortable I felt and what was going to work best for keeping my hips stretching out nicely with each turn of the pedals. It felt so amazing to be back out there, it felt like I can for serious get back to running, Yoga just is not enough to strengthen the damage I have done to my right I/T Band but with Yoga, cycling AND starting slow again with a run / walk / run program I should be running 44 minute 10ks again in NO TIME! YAY!

I’m seeing a few bizarre things and having some horrible bloody thoughts running through my head while I’m riding but I’ve been out for three rides already, all well over an hour and have managed to keep my fears in check.

So without further ado, ME back on the bike! Here I am on my first ride out.

My second ride, we went in the same direction but i picked up the pace.

I know, I know BARF city, but hey, we work hard at staying happy together and finding yet another activity to do together (with Adam on blades) is beyond awesome. Things have been extremely hard since January and having a free active thing that isn’t walking to get out and do is already proving to RULE. I can’t help it, I am pretty proud of myself.

I like this picture because it looks like I’m wearing a CAPE.

cape!

Third ride was around the Sea Wall with Phaedra and Adam. I was more nervous on this one than the first, parts of the wall are really narrow and ODDLY people on the Sea Wall are NOT as polite as the people are when you are riding along the wall that goes through False Creek. I have never found people on the Stanley Park Sea Wall polite in all of the years I have used it, but having ridden twice towards False Creek I had gotten it into my head that all of a sudden everyone was wearing polite pants. ON YOUR RIGHT, ON YOUR LEFT. Nope, people on the Sea Wall would rather just run you over, or pretend you aren’t there, nothing has changed.

VLogBlog 6 ~ The View LogBlog

Was trying to get cutesy video of Gus acting like a nutter and licking Phaedra’s sock covered feet. Gus, I don’t know why, but she likes to lick things; soap, windows, floors, clothes [clean and dirty]. She’s a licker. You’d think because I like to take a lot of random photos that Gus would be used to the camera but she hates it. It is amusing to watch, she will be doing something cute, I will reach for the camera and she’ll stop, generally she’ll even leave the room. I have learned some tricks with still photos but if she doesn’t want her photo taken that’s it she leaves. No surprise that when I wanted to film her she stopped licking the feet and wanted nothing to do with any of it, she didn’t leave the room, there was TOO MUCH OVER ALL EXCITEMENT happening at that moment. Maybe she was feeling overwhelmed?

C.J had called us on Skype and I didn’t want to get him all excited so I didn’t mention he had caught us within an hour of Phaeds coming over incase she was late or it was one of those just checking in on me five minute chats. Worked out that the three of us were still gabbing away when she arrived. I snatched this video of Gus being Gus I guess, and four people speaking about spicy topics all at the same time. I’m not going to ruin it for you other than to say that Gus is the star and it is cool that Phaeds joined the conversation some of her spicier bits got cut though.

We got a Wii

Last week a box arrived from Rhonda, she already spoils us both, although mostly me, rotten to the core. This year for Crimus she sent us a Wii. And with no irony attached to it at all, the Tiger Woods PGA Tour 09 game that comes with the wee golf club. Priceless, it was bought before the scandal the photo they picked of good ol’ Tiger for the 09 edition is creepier and more arrogant looking than normal, fucking awesome it’ll likely be his last one ever. We stopped buying the Tiger games before we ditched the PS2 and made the switch to XBox because EA kept making weird changes or what we like to call un-provements so if memory serves we stopped buying them after the 07 edition.  We are both really excited about trying it on the Wii though, it is obviously very different. If it is ANYTHING like the Wii Sports Golf, I will suck so bad it should make for some very amusing rounds. The Wii Golf destroyed my skillz score. I’m better at Wii Baseball, these games remind me of my horrible hand eye co-ordination and make me wonder how it is that I have actually become a decent golfer in real life. Almost ten years of practice now I guess.

Wii Bowling.

Wii Bowling.

Wii Bowling.

I started this hanging my hanky out of my pocket thing in Bali and seem to be keeping it up back in my home country. I am not trying to be cool or make any kind of fashion statement, we only allow nose tissue in here if we are really sick and have fire nose and thus have both switched to hankies. I say that wearing a leather belt, it was a gift, so it shall not be denied the awesomeness that is the attached guitar belt buckle. Like my Browns boots I got em before I went as green as we can afford to go.

Wii Bowling.

It is hard when you have Ninja knee high socks AND Unicorns to say that you’ve found a pair that are cooler BUT I did. These socks have red foxes on the feet and happy little mushrooms and little trees and if I ever got a chance to meet Neko Case I would wear them and be sure and show them to her.  It isn’t my fault that they also match the t-shirt I got the first of four times that I have seen her live being the Fox Confessor Brings the Flood tour, the only other group I have ever seen that many times is the local super star husband and wife pairing that make up Mojave [I have their t-shirt too].

naked Hunter S. Thompson w/ Vegas in his glasses.

Dr. Vegas is taking a huge liberty here in wearing the very naked Hunter S. Thompson’s frames that will be the aviators he is being made.  You will also have a hard time not noticing that this is the first time that Dr. Vegas has appeared without his mask in quit some time, in fact if memory serves the last time he was photographed without it was because he was pretending to be Woody Guthrie.  Adam and I were just saying that Dr. Vegas is on a journey of some sort right now. I wasn’t the only one changed forever by a trip to Bali.

“He hasn’t been completely the same since he got back” said [father] Mr. Adam Carlson just as this was going to print.

Gus.

Gus was very into the Wii and watched us play a lot.

If you’ve ever wondered if I’m an energetic person even though I claim to be a hermit though I also claim to be a runner and doer of the yoga and a player of the golf, then this video is for you.

C.J do check out the tunage in the Adam bowling videeeeo. Although seriously WTF, she is NOT growing on me AT ALL. We are really into iTunes Genius mixes right now, because I loaded the entire CD library onto the computer and C.J very generously gave us some CDs, Joanna Newsome shows up a lot, and it is never a good ending.

And get this, I’m going to backup all the music, soon.

Tis the season to look wrecked in photos.