temper you hurl your weight around inside me and i fall back into you. i hate you and i throw things/you make me so angry and i want to be in high places and scream and throw more things. fighting you a full time job.
i tame you with every breath but you still live in waiting. you wake me up some mornings. it is fun to drug you.
you don�t smash and break like you used to: now you erupt with boiling blood from inside and lash out with spits of poison. the snake/ the animal you fear the most does live inside you and your eyes burn.
i lie in my bed with what i have done i burned a hole in my wrist to prove it.
keeping you in your cage is torture and when you explode inside me i feel alive, unsafe and i pay.
Archive for the 'i write poems' Category
Page 2 of 3
i can speak i can listen
i can hear i can feel
and i hurt
i can be mean crueller unrelenting and mad
and i hurt
i heard it all, saw too much
i speak i hear i listen i scream
i hurt i hate i am
i can write words that burn
i mean it all i feel it
i can resent you
i do
i am forced to know you
attention(?)
you lie, liar(s)
you waste your eyes
narcissists are immune to the splatter
obviously numb
my tongue snaked out with venom
you�d miss it
i hurt
i�ll let it go when i am (fucking) ready
you lose.you missed it all.
i made a video.
DISCLAIMER: i turned a button on the camera; i pressed another button and discovered i was recording.
i do not make videos or movies in real life. although i think maybe i should.
if this video should launch me into super blogger stardom i promise i will not become an asshole and will stay the awesomerad jerkette some of you jerks are growing to love.
if i don’t win the oscar for best short i’ll be pissed.
ENJOY.
on April 29, 2002 i started this (goals/i want to) list and every now and then i take it out, read it over, check shit off, add to it.
people i have shared this with in the past have laughed at me. (jerks.) goals and dreams are important whether accomplished or not and no one has the right to devalue your goals and dreams.
here is the list as it stands today in the order it is written on paper, i have bolded the ones i have accomplished, ones i feel are on going are in italics:
run a marathon
run a half marathon
learn to rock climb
go to Nepal
hike to base camp of Everest
own a home
be happy with my body
fall in love
fall in lust
get married for love
live abroad somewhere for at least a year by 30
take university courses in writing
write something everyday
write a novel
have my poetry published in my own book
own my own bookstore
read and do “the artists way”
quit smoking pot
only change the things I want to
go on a cruise
go to Europe
join a field hockey team
never get breast implants
go to Africa (volunteer to help in any way possible as long as i have one day to frolic among the beasts and beastettes in Botswana)
get off and stay off depression medication
forgive my parents
write a stand-up act and perform it
write for national geographic
read at least two books a month
learn to appreciate different foods
ski in the Swiss Alps and in France
learn to speak French
improve my posture
see Tool live
drink at least three litres of water a day
trust someone
learn yoga
accept that which i can not change
learn to deal with intense anxiety
(STOP picking at every inch of your skin, keep finger nails short at all times to aid in this)
learn how to accept compliments
be professional at work at all times (smile when i am mad)
be successful at every job i do
do not take sick days unless i am really sick
pay off my visa
read more non fiction than fiction
allow people to show me affection
give to the terry fox foundation and the world wild life fund every year
volunteer with the red cross or the UN in Vancouver
read to kids (i tried to apply with BC Children’s Hospital but believe it or not i am not qualified to read to sick kids?….on to the next place am planning to try my local community center next)
don’t throw anything when i get mad
love myself as much as i love adam
make damn sure i get my books (or as many as i can) signed by Douglas Coupland next time he does a local signing
never try to commit suicide again
visit PH’s grave in France
