Archive for the 'i write poems' Category

I think a lot, too much about things and stuff. I had no idea this blogging world existed until this year but I knew I wanted something like this – it lingered in the back of my mind and I tried to put it into words but I think most of the words stayed stuck in my head.

Very early this year Hannah turned me on to Dooce. I loved Dooce instantly and I was like THIS is what I have been talking about THIS is what I want. I wanted a place where I could write whatever I wanted, be myself and to mostly get my creative juices flowing because I have motivational issues and was tired of always saying I was going to do this and this or start this and this, I have great ideas and very little follow through. I started searching the net for blog related sites and put plans in motion to start something of my own. It wasn’t until my site was finished and on the net that I realised how immense and intense of a treasure chest I was opening. I think it is better that I didn’t have any knowledge or I may not have done it. I knew that I had started Gus Greeper for the right reasons; I knew it was for me, a place to try out different ways of writing but mostly just a place to gain confidence in my writing style. I sent the address out to friends that I trust and that I knew would be honest; the time had come to write everyday even if just four lines. I started to write everyday last summer on this wicked type writer from the very early 40’s that Adam has but even writing on something that cool wasn’t enough for me to commit to it. I got frustrated because I had pages and pages of material and ramblings but what to do with it? Funny how even the things we love the most in life and know we are good at are sometimes the hardest things to commit to. I have always written almost exactly how I behave and talk and I ramble when I talk, I am very intense, I contradict myself constantly, I am hard on strangers, make beyond bad first impressions and flail my hands around a lot. Writing is never an escape for me it is a place I feel safe and myself. While pondering all of this and allowing it to torture me I thought and wondered does every blogger go through this? And if so is it just a sort of right of passage into accepting your blog and what you create. Doing whatever it is you do that garners you return readers.

When I started my blog I discovered the world of comments and linkage. I had seriously never even opened the comments on the few other blogs I found early on. Except Dooce, but her site was different because at the time you could only comment on her daily photo and hundreds of comments simply flowed out from under it. Not that I didn’t have opinions or things to say, I always have something to say. Turns out that it was through the comments that I found almost all of the blogs that I read daily and that have become my must reads. Commenting is one of my favourite parts of blogging. I am not the type of person that will write anything mean. If I comment on your blog I like you, I find you funny, if you write something that I think is lame or I don’t like I will likely tell you but I won’t be mean about it. I laugh at my own jokes who am I too judge you? If I don’t comment on your blog but you are here through somewhere I can find you, I am likely reading you in secret.

I link on laughter factor. Some of you had me on the very first post I read. Some of you I read in secret for a long time and wanted to comment really bad but I didn’t; now I do comment and you are in my FAV FUCKING BLOGS bookmark but I haven’t linked you. I will eventually say fuck it and link everyone in my FAV FUCKING BLOGS. I don’t even know what keeps me from linking you now. Likely fear and insecurity are the main reasons. Parts of this blogger world are hard for me to enter because I have to face myself and my fears of things I have no control over like rejection. Blogging makes it easier to say fuck it, who cares, don’t lose site of the reasons why you started this and get lost in the crap. The compliment comments I get make me feel really good but I am so bad with compliments I never have a clue what to say EVER. I should have known someday people would like me, because I like me now and I have always been this random compliment giver, to complete strangers even, I just didn’t expect it to come back to me.

Thanks to Dooce for getting me started and to the rest of you for making me laugh and sharing your kick ass stories.