Because I’ve been talking about them more frequently, I will introduce them to you. SIL Saz is my older SIL though not older than me, Adam is the eldest of the three of them and I’m the oldest of all six of us if you count our spouses which to me is pretty funny because in my family I’m the youngest, youngest cousin, grandchild, only grandchild on the one side BUT my dad has six sisters and one brother so being the youngest is super cool. Back to SILS. SIL Saz you may recognize from my comments, she reads the Greeper. SIL Smut is the younger of the two and has gone through various name changes, first I started to call her SIL Deux. Deux meaning two in French, and then when I got back from Bali I changed it to SIL Dua. Dua meaning two in Indonesian. Even though I know that I meant no insult with the word Dua who the hell wants to be second and technically she was third born anyway which means if I were going to keep it accurate she’d be SIL Tiga. But before Christmas SIL Smut and fiancée came over for a Wii night, Christmas spirits type visit and I didn’t even realize until they left that she had called her Mii for the Wii Smut. I enquired, she gained even MORE has the best kid stories of the three of them points . She got another one the other day, SIL Saz left a comment which begged a story. If I told you stories they’d both kill me, but from the one story I was able to FINALLY solidify a name for Tiga born SIL Smut.

Before we had dinner last night we opened gifts. All we knew was that SIL Saz was excited. This could not ever be a bad thing. I received the best belt buckle on the face of the earth and this belt buckle here is pretty bloody hard to beat. Now I am basically The Scorpion Queen. Adam received a Pan Flute that he is already playing super sweet sounds on that are not in anyway annoying. Not annoying AT ALL. And she gave us a poo calendar a Monthly Doos the 2010 dog poop calendar. It will likely go in the bathroom. WHAT? a poo calendar? Yes, picture an Anne Geddes photo but instead of babies on the leaves there is dog shit. Brilliant.

Some of the time it isn’t like we want to sit on our asses, we’ve been trying to get for photo walks for days and the weather is refusing to cooperate. I do not have a problem going for rainy walks they are rather enjoyable but when you are trying to take photos rain and photo walks don’t mix and I keep forgetting to wear contacts and my glasses get covered in water spots. Even the night walk we’ve been trying to go on has been a no go. We managed to get out one day and I took a couple shots before it started to rain they are nothing special, I like the beehive picture I got and I really like the public art displays all over the city put on by Vancouver Biennale. The red man is one of many sitting in a big circle. When I first saw them I instantly thought of Bali because almost everyone there squats like these statues do.

This one is an older one I took of another display very close to us.

We want to go for walks so bad to catch some of the insane last minute preparation for the Olympics, the energy in this city is crazy simply crazy. I did walk by the art gallery where the Olympic count down clock is and as I walked past and saw the work they were doing on it ALL I could think of was a HUGE flowered moo moo that I wouldn’t even let my mother wear for her 100th birthday. I’m really hoping we get a chance to do a rain free day walk and night walk within the next two weeks here.

While looking for the above photo I realized that I have NOT shown you all a photo of Dr. Vegas in his BRAND SPANKIN’ knew WRESTLING SUIT [from Christmas] made for him by beyond awesome friends, what a seriously killer gift.

You may want to read the original Calendar Wars post and the link in the first paragraph. Or I guess you can just take my word for it in my brief explanation to follow the end of this sentence. [this should be good, me trying to give a brief explanation]

It started innocently, no that doesn’t work, it started as a joke, or so I thought. After the Men with Buns calendar was on the wall for a full year of course it had been made clear by me that I should be allowed to pick the next years’ calendar. To say I got him good that year, would be saying I got him GOOD that year. Two words: Jeff Foxworthly. A few more words: You might be a redneck if….  [I am after all a pure bread red neck, Grandmother lived and died in a trailer park]. Poorly written, not even remotely funny jokes, with cartoons of plumber butts, clam slam skirts and shirts, but not hot ones, HOES; twelve months of them.

My husband never one to be outwitted got me back in 2009 with The Big Breast Calendar. This is where some of you are like WHAT you love tits. YES I LOVE TITS! But even he admitted he copped out and went for porn, couldn’t out horrible calendar me so he went for tits. Only backfired on him two months, Ms. September and Ms. December were a challenge for him. There wasn’t enough of the car for Adam in the Ms. September shot, although oddly I found Ms. September to one of the hottest women on there, and Ms. December just should have never happened. You don’t want a description. Both women still had big tits, they were great, it was the photos.

One day I was on Flickr and I saw the side ads which on Flickr don’t annoy me cause they are for cool shit like Moo cards. I saw, or was reminded that you could make a calendar. I wish I could tell you ladies that I filled it up with hot photos of my husband, but where would the fun have been in that? Given that we are both pretty big fans of over the top dorky photos of ourselves it was a no brainer and thus Adam Carlson in Calendar ~ #adam2010 was born.

Cover photo: taken by me up in Prince George over Christmas the last year my parents were still living in Canada. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he had the halter on wrong before taking the photo.

Mr. January: If you know Adam at all you know he is extremely calm, he doesn’t swear very often and is basically the complete opposite of me when it comes to that side of our personalities, so the fact that for whatever reason he gave me the finger while I took this was out of character for him and like nice wannabe smurf hat. Neither of us makes resolutions so out of my picks for photos I liked this one for January because it’s sort of a fuck you to resolutions or whatever.

Mr. February: Adam was sick or something so I went out and got him some treats and such and your guess is as good as mine as to why but I decided that we needed wax lips. HAD TO HAVE THEM.

Mr. March: The original photo on Flickr is entitled: impromptu C.J look-a-like contest winner C.J is family to us, he has seen this picture, and has been overheard saying :”it looks even more like me than me”.

Mr. April: This is a mish mash of classic Adam moments, Showerhawk Wolverine face with kittehs, trying to eat cardboard instead of the Pocky, He wore flowers in his hair golfing, and Potato mouth (in our apron wedding gift which states: It Takes Two Socks To Make a Monkey, stemming from a hilarious joke Adam cracked out at a friends place one night).

Mr. May: As a you just had a vas-nipper gift I bought Adam some stress balls two years ago this May 23rd. I didn’t know how much pain he’d be in and thought he’d appreciate still being able to play with some balls.

Mr. June: Last year I commented on how I continually feel ripped off by June year after year in calendars and it is MY birthday month, the 14th every year; it just doesn’t seem fair, it isn’t like I take it personally but I’ve said it once and I will say it again June is continually represented in a prejudice way against awesomeness, in my humble opinion. Again, I’d really have liked to have posted a photo of say this nature but it would have cheapened the entire calendar. This here, is the money shot. This is the day that I bought my husband the worst underwear on the face of the planet it was all my fault they were just, well, you can see the photo. One of those worst wife ever moments. There are two more prime shots that were supposed to be on this page but no matter what I did the program wouldn’t let me upload them so we are all stuck with this one gem instead of three. My sincerest apologies.

Mr. July: Classic Adam, you can see the dedication to his craft of making me laugh in his eye.

Mr. August: The photos here are taken from the day that we started what we call The Creepy Carlsons, now we go out of our way to take creepy photos like this one that Adam took. Two examples of how fun my husband makes our marriage are apparent in his dorkiness in the other two. It is also his birthday month so the photo of the crazy eyes is fitting.

Mr. September: Who doesn’t have photos of themselves pissing in the bushes. There is one kicking around of me in the Dominican Republic I just thought of now, hilarious.

Mr. October: I took this photo the morning after our wedding, he claims he is pretending to be Gus, I say either go on a fucking picnic together already or admit you were trying to run away from the marriage.

Mr. November: This time, he’s being more of a horse. Still wearing the halter wrong.

Mr. December: This photo is entitled Find the Dill-weed. Adam named it himself.

I’m the type of person who can’t buy something for someone without having to give it to them the second I buy it, this was coming via mail and was so hard to keep my mouth shut about you can’t even imagine. I was laughing at nothing constantly, I showed it to a girlfriend who was over via the photos who was very impressed by my selection knowing us both very well. Well shit, that just made it even harder to wait for it to arrive.

The day it did arrive I was doing an interview with the Liquid Inspiration Podcast boys C.J and Daz and was in the middle of telling the story when Mr. 2010 himself walked in the door from work and we were all privy to his “you got me” response right there on the taping. Since seeing it he has mostly been heard muttering to himself about how the hell he is going to top this. *coughs rubs lapel*.

I started this hanging my hanky out of my pocket thing in Bali and seem to be keeping it up back in my home country. I am not trying to be cool or make any kind of fashion statement, we only allow nose tissue in here if we are really sick and have fire nose and thus have both switched to hankies. I say that wearing a leather belt, it was a gift, so it shall not be denied the awesomeness that is the attached guitar belt buckle. Like my Browns boots I got em before I went as green as we can afford to go.

It is hard when you have Ninja knee high socks AND Unicorns to say that you’ve found a pair that are cooler BUT I did. These socks have red foxes on the feet and happy little mushrooms and little trees and if I ever got a chance to meet Neko Case I would wear them and be sure and show them to her.  It isn’t my fault that they also match the t-shirt I got the first of four times that I have seen her live being the Fox Confessor Brings the Flood tour, the only other group I have ever seen that many times is the local super star husband and wife pairing that make up Mojave [I have their t-shirt too].

Dr. Vegas is taking a huge liberty here in wearing the very naked Hunter S. Thompson’s frames that will be the aviators he is being made.  You will also have a hard time not noticing that this is the first time that Dr. Vegas has appeared without his mask in quit some time, in fact if memory serves the last time he was photographed without it was because he was pretending to be Woody Guthrie.  Adam and I were just saying that Dr. Vegas is on a journey of some sort right now. I wasn’t the only one changed forever by a trip to Bali.

“He hasn’t been completely the same since he got back” said [father] Mr. Adam Carlson just as this was going to print.

Gus was very into the Wii and watched us play a lot.

If you’ve ever wondered if I’m an energetic person even though I claim to be a hermit though I also claim to be a runner and doer of the yoga and a player of the golf, then this video is for you.

C.J do check out the tunage in the Adam bowling videeeeo. Although seriously WTF, she is NOT growing on me AT ALL. We are really into iTunes Genius mixes right now, because I loaded the entire CD library onto the computer and C.J very generously gave us some CDs, Joanna Newsome shows up a lot, and it is never a good ending.

And get this, I’m going to backup all the music, soon.

Tis the season to look wrecked in photos.

Tis one thing to miss a concert of a new friend tis another to miss the CD Release party for the second full album of now official said friend.  As I tell people when they are like as if you have social anxiety if you get me out the door nine times out of ten I’m fine, plus I started to drink beer again, in extreme moderation but that does still give me loose drinking lips, but I’ve never cared much about those, my sober filter is almost as lacking anyway.

I slapped on my new blue dress over my newly not a skinny bitch just a bitch now body and headed out the door in my yellow shoes with my handsome husband.  Cost us all of ten bucks to get in and we bought the new CD which they all signed for us once I removed the 100% biodegradable film; Mojave take their pledge to the Earth extremely serious. It is pretty inspiring and made me all happy to have been wearing shoes made fully of man made materials.

I guess it goes without saying that Mojave are a local Vancouver band but I will say it anyway, Mojave are a local Vancouver band, and not only is the CD fantastic, not only are they great live, not only was it really cool to see how many of their fans came out for their party it is great that they are all down to earth and cool people.

Although we are getting better at outdoor photos we still both really suck at indoor photos and there was almost no lighting so for great band photos you want to go to PatZ flickr, these are just silly we’re dicking around although still TRYING to learn how to get this fucking thing to work indoors pictures.

Mojave play next on the 24^th of June in Vancouver at The Cellar, and their Crow’s Funeral tour starts near the end of August.

Listen and enjoy a sample of Mojave here
Buy and enjoy the new Mojave CD here
Follow Mojave on Twitter here
Read and subscribe to the Mojave blog here
Enjoy the brand new official Mojave site here

Canstruction an event in its 7^th year supporting the Greater Vancouver Food Bank Society each year gathers teams to compete in designing and building the most colossal sculpture possible out of canned food. I hadn’t heard of this competition before and sculptures, museums, and exhibits such as Krazy at the Vancouver Art Gallery last year are right up our alley.

© Paul Jarvis

Canstruction Vancouver, the local chapter of an anti-hunger project created by Society of Design Administration, is held in over 100 cities across North America, including 12 in Canada; and

Over 750,000 cans of food – much of it high quality protein – have been donated to the Greater Vancouver Food Bank Society through Canstruction Vancouver.

Entrance is by donation, even if your change purse is tight and can only spare a Loonie or Toonie for every dollar Canstruction donates to the Foodbank this allows the Foodbank to purchase $3 dollars worth of food for its clients.

© Paul Jarvis

Canstruction runs Sunday to Sunday April 26th – May 3rd 2009 10am – 6pm you can see lots more photos from our excursion on my Flickr.

What happened next is what happens to every person who gets a bodysuit; you end up listening to Olivia Newton John and dancing around your apartment to Physical. Oh right I am pretty out of my mind right now and going through a seriously serious family crisis, it’s just me.  So I ended up taking some photos, Adam liked said photos, that was Friday.

Yesterday I ended up playing my Blip.fm list which now contains Physical and decided to do a play by play of how I ended up in the bodysuit the day before. But by this time Adam had put the Physical video on YouTube and I was reminded that there are headbands worn in the original so I made sure to include them in mine as well.

Without further ado, 25 things about me numbered from 51 to 75:

51. I like abrasive soaps I could exfoliate my epidermis off
52. I try to read at least two books a month
53. I’m obsessive about how many glasses of water I have to drink each day before my pee is clear
54. I fucking hate cork wedge heels
55. My favourite numbers are 7 and 14
56. I have loved Tori Spelling since the 90′s and can not wait for her next book
57. I have always eaten my cereal with a big spoon
58. I prefer a thicker eyebrow
59. I love hearing that I am funny over any compliment even over being told that my unicorn socks are cool
60. I talk to and about myself in the third person on a semi regular basis
61. Just because I am not having babies does not mean I don’t like your drooling screaming poop machines in fact I love them even more now
62. I have serious problems with mugs specifically designed for right handed people fuck you and your no image on the back of the mug I pick up with my LEFT hand you JUST LOST A SALE ASSHOLE
63. I pretty much find every single piece of factual information on everything to do with the history of being left handed to be some of the most fascinating shit on earth
64. Since I was a young hellion I have always grown my hair out only to cut it so short I have been mistaken for a boy when asking for a bathroom key in a gas station, I also shaved my head once some of you know that though but my point is except when I go through phases where I have bangs I never leave my hair long for long
65. My gag reflex is such that I choke on water
66. I love Bobby Darin’s When a Man Answers because I grew up on a party line when we lived in Smithers
67. I am obsessive about the organization of my books. For the most part they are kept in alphabetical order by author
68. I know the proper phonetic alphabet and also speak good phonetically
69. My name is actually Charlie Alpha Charlie
70. I thought I would love Sony for life but I am officially an Xbox girl
71. I honestly believe that the worst on screen camera kiss of all time is when Sylar first kisses Elle from Heroes episode Villains 1 of 2, Season Three
72. When I saw Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell and Van Morrison perform at GM place in 1998 I was not what I’d call a fan of any of them I bought my ticket as a favour for a friend.  I still kick myself over that and the story makes Adam shake his head at me EVERY TIME
73. I got my first [of only two ever] speeding tickets RIGHT in front of my high school as the lunch bell to return was going off so every one noticed and YES my x-boyfriend who I was in NO WAY over saw too
74. I still miss that 1985 Honda Civic, it rusted out completely after about a week in Vancouver it was a Northern car at its heart and I sold it to a wrecker for four hundred dollars
75. I love having things professionally framed