Archive for the 'Us' Category

sometimes its hard to give gifts when nothing will do except the exact perfect one that this person has to have. some people i think are like me and take these things way too yahoo seriously and super personal. for those of us who dont like decision making the gift can even not get gave, but those events usually coincide with the climax of a focussed stress and whos in a giving mood when youre fighting with yourself. thinking about all this made me start to pick at the constitution of my hyper Santaness.

my first move is always to give a person what i think they want. after all, giving is supposed to be a selfless act, right? so what then if i take a glee derivative from the act? that surely must mean that the act is selfish. i too often feel like i am trying to show the recipient how clever i am for knowing and perceiving them soo well that they didnt even know that they wanted the gift but instantaneously they realize its what they wanted all along and the gift makes everything perfect. this dog and pony show is largely due to the fact that those recovering self-loathers like mee is are not easily convinced of their own worth, and must employ every resource within their facility to prove this out beyond any reasonable doubts. this is a hard one to beat.

now, with persistence, many of us the like mees make it through past that first barracade, no more paralysis, no siree. to get there we have to persuade ourselves that we are worth a hundred bucks, and whammy we are confronted with what we want and what we think were supposed to. this is a new feature weve never seen before and honestly its confusing as heck when you get to it on account of the lesson we were sposed to learn was that we ARE valuable and all special and of course worth that hundred bucks at least and therefore should feel not guilty about meeting the needs of the self in place of the otherses. at first you dont believe it but thats why its first you do it anyways and it feels uncomfortable to beat the band but you do it cause you must and there its done and that cant be changed any longer. so heres where i think the gift giver who is meelike exports what we wants to step away from the old pattern of the pleasing of the others. tho this is progress, again, this product is misguided usually. the new territory is bewildering. we didnt have the discourse of this before to act into, and now we are learning the mannerisms of value. this is always a weird way to learn and completely backwards but it is surmountable.

now as you might imagine, the final stage ive been leading up to with all this beeyess holds the key to the universe and you will never ever burn another piece of toast as long as you live and so forth. so what do you give when you cant give what you think they want and you cant give what you want them to have you have to give them the thing that you never thought of and are holey moley spontaneously realizing its the thing what youve always wanted to give all along. im pretty sure that once you make it around the block safely you can see that all you are really capable of giving is yourself and that its enough to be a good gift the one they really and also realy wanted and in fact is all that they will need. once you buy into that i guarantee you can go into any bank and flop yourself up on the counter and whoevers at that tellers gonna count you out a full hundred and youll take it cause its yours.

happy 30fth birthday chokeroo. i love you like mrs butterworbs. im your man.