Sorry
I just sent out the dumbest Twitter in the history of everything I have ever twittered about wanting to die, the assholes who think I am nothing more than melodrama can all laugh now, or wait you already are. And I can’t and won’t delete it, 1. because if you want to un-follow me for being real, do it up and 2. people do care about me, I know I am not alone and even though that was stupid intense there are people who follow me that just like with the extreme shit I blog about, now they don’t feel as alone. Although this is for another post my suicidal thoughts and terrors have been off the charts sine the week before Christmas, I’m not sleeping, all the weight I worked my ass off to put back on is gone, I can’t eat, my meds aren’t working I cut myself, and I don’t remember the last time my anxiety was this bad it hit even harder about a week ago and hasn’t let go. I have a session with my shrink today and I asked last time to be admitted to the psych ward but he wouldn’t admit me. With this newest shit storm which is for ONCE not even remotely my fault, the final straw has broken and I feel about as good as I did right before I was hospitalized last year.
January 23rd, 2009 at 15:39
Don’t be sorry. See your therapist. Hugs x
January 23rd, 2009 at 16:16
Re: Twitter, be yourself. If people don’t like it, they can go follow someone else. When I saw your tweet I was more concerned than annoyed or disdainful – even though I don’t know you. People who see stuff like that and get cynical are the worst kind of people. To heck with them.
January 23rd, 2009 at 16:20
hi GG, just wanted to let you know I’ve gone through similar breakdowns and have been medicated for depression and anxiety for the past 8 years. its not a walk in the park and sometimes it feels like I’m never gonna get better. i get intense too, do impulsive things, twitter and SMS totally stupid shit and wish afterwards i hadnt. but i dont think yours was that bad, if you are feeling that way then you need to let people know so they can help you.
i probably wouldnt be here if I hadnt done just that. ;/
*hugs*
January 23rd, 2009 at 16:35
Don’t be sorry to anyone. You can feel what you feel. Fuck them if they can’t understand you have emotions. You just feel what you feel and work it out how you need to. Shout it to the world if you need to – it will fall on the right ears to help you.
I gave you my numbers if you ever need someone to talk at.
HUGS
January 23rd, 2009 at 17:02
I was alarmed to see your Twitter status but I didn’t know the full history.
If I wasn’t concerned then I’m really concerned after reading this. Have you seen your doc or therapist about this recently? If not it might be a good idea.
Maybe the gloomy weather (cold, then fog) is affecting your mood. I know you mentioned that it’s hard for you to head outside but perhaps try heading out when it’s a sunny day. Sunshine is good and seems to cheer people up when they’re down. I think Sun is suppose to be a nice sunny day.
Cheer up!
January 23rd, 2009 at 17:06
Hang in there kiddo. I don’t know what I would do without reading a post or two from you every week. I love your honesty and heart you put into this “shit” you put in here. It keeps me motivated with my shit blog.
The storm will pass, just hold tight.
January 23rd, 2009 at 17:52
You have nothing to apologize for. Anxiety is real and very hard to deal with. You are doing all the right things. Take care of yourself.
January 23rd, 2009 at 18:54
I’m really sorry, Hon.
January 23rd, 2009 at 19:03
thank you!! i really do have the earths BEST and most supportive readers, im spoiled rotten by you. i had a great session, but am still seriously overstimulated but will be writing soon, now to go offline till tomorrow me needs a break, thank you ALL again i don’t know if you’ll all really ever know just how much your comments and support mean to me
January 24th, 2009 at 00:41
Take care girl, see you soon on these pages on Sat.!
January 24th, 2009 at 02:54
High five!
You rule.
January 24th, 2009 at 05:54
Thanks for being nothing but REAL here & I suspect everywhere. Do what you need to do to find your peace & know that we are all out here rooting for you.
January 24th, 2009 at 09:00
Liek everyone else said, no need to apologize!!! Sorry I haven`t quite been there for you right now, I am always here, think of you often! Hope you are feeling better soon!
January 25th, 2009 at 12:14
I’m with everyone, don’t be sorry.
I read you tweet and didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t respond at all. It looked like me typing “hug” just wouldn’t cut it. Just know that I will never unfollow you for being real.
Love,
JaG
January 26th, 2009 at 02:13
I could have written a lot of this – and did – a couple of years ago. Don’t apologize. Being open and honest about this kind of stuff is more than a lot of people can do. Was more than I could do. Is more than I can do.