if you are reading this then my internet has finally come back on line
not in a good mood right now. i have had no internet since early yesterday afternoon. it makes me feel naked. im also looking for work right now and really need to do research.
i’ve got house work to do, books to read. but i can’t be bothered i’m just grumpy. i have so much on my mind that i couldn’t even relax for one fucking hour and enjoy my pilates class last night. instead i fell all over the place and made a legitimate ass of myself. maybe i should go five pin bowling to make myself feel better.
i feel like i can’t write right now but i have so much to say, it has all bottled itself up and is giving me a ridiculous headache. there are words floating around up in my head that if given the chance could probably write five or six good worth reading posts right now but they won’t come out.
right now im preoccupied with beyond lame annoyance because last time i was offline for more than a day i was unlinked somewhere (i did contact the blogger to enquire, but i would not bother doing it again were i to notice it somewhere else). this just SCREAMED high school to me. i was sick and adam was sick and i have like five full folders of blogs i try to read so fuck me for being sick and taking a few days off. my stats do not work the way the ones that you can sign up for with any free blog. i pay for this site, my stats actually protect the privacy of the reader and if you ‘haven’t been by in few days’ i likely wouldn’t know, unless of course you are a regular commenter but i likely wouldn’t care (too much). people have lives and shit to do. OBVIOUSLY if i have linked you i am dedicated to your blog, does that mean i have time to read it every day? FUCK NO. there are lots of people out there that i want to read my blog every day, do they? FUCK NO. but i am very thankful for every single one of my readers whether they read me once a month, once a week or the preferred once a day, and i also appreciate them ALL whether they comment or not.
one of my closest girlfriends hardly ever knows what the fuck i’m talking about when i talk about my blog or what i have been writing about, it just doesn’t seem to be her thing and it totally annoys the fuck out of me, but guess what? there are things i do that annoy her to no end. so if some of my closest friends don’t read my blog every day how can i, or anyone for that matter expect complete strangers to? (until you become blogger buddies of course). i DID NOT start this site so i could allow myself to get wrapped up in the childish side of linking and commenting (but here i am writing about it) if anything considering my experiences with high school i plan to avoid all of that shit like the plague. i started this site because i have experienced a lot of really interesting yet fucked up things in my 28 years and have had some experiences that i want to write about not to whine or relive but just to help even if it is just one person whose kid is being bullied in school and may have gone through what i did or worse in school (for example). i don’t want ‘credit’ i want people to know that even though all of this shit happened i’m still here. it is only my insecurities and fear that have prevented me from starting to write my ‘stories’. but i also wanted to build a reader base first and the pettiness of linking or not linking and commenting or not commenting is just not my idea of fun. my all or nothing thinking is telling me to just remove ALL of my links. it is becoming very clear why some bloggers don’t link anyone. but i think i will just keep doing MY thing, like i have since day one and if you like what i have to say or even if you don’t but still come back, THANK YOU, i may not know who you are but i get the numbers!
