I knew the day was going to come where I would sign into Facebook and it would say that I was going to be forced to change to the new Facebook. Bloody hell the day came.

I know people including Adam who refuse to even look at the new platform, I looked at it almost barfed and went back to the old one ruing the day they would force me to change over.  I’m a pattern person, I have issues with change, I accept it but that doesn’t mean I ever have to like it and as long as I know what I’m talking about or at least think I do I don’t have a problem complaining about it.

Sometimes Adam doesn’t trust the internet so when he signed up for Facebook he used the very formal Acronym Bradley Carlson and put up a photo that he looks like the REALZ Haley Joel Osment in.  The photo part is irrelevant I’m just mentioning it because I think that maybe the number one thing that Adam misses about Facebook is that Haley had just accepted him as a friend.  Who knows where that Facebook friendship may have gone, I mean the resemblance is pretty uncanny.

One day Adam got pissed off because Facebook would not stop trying to encourage him to check out the new Facebook and so he sent them an email;

i do not want the new facebook platform thank you for pushing it on me every time i log in. i can feel your lack of humanity. your ads suck

To which Facebook responded with,

Hi,

I aplogize for this inconvenience, but your account has been temporarily disabled because it was created with a fake name. Fake names are a violation of our Terms of Use.  Facebook requires users to provide their full first and last names (i.e. no initials).  Nicknames can be used in the form of FirstName ‘NickName’ LastName, but only if they are a variation on your real first or last name, such as ‘Bob’ instead of ‘Robert’.  Additionally, please note that impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited.

If you would like to use this profile again, just get back to us with your real name, and we will reactivate the account for you.

Thanks for your understanding,

Homer
User Operations
Facebook

To which Adam responded with,

My full name is Acronym Bradley Carlson. Please reactivate my account.  If
your terms of use prohibit middle names, feel free to remove the Bradley.

yours truly,

Acronym Carlson

To which Facebook responded with,

Hi Acronym,

Thanks for providing this information. At this time, we cannot verify the ownership of the account. Please send a scanned image of a government issued ID (e.g. driver’s license) to idrequests@facebook.com in order to confirm your ownership of the account. Please black out any personal information that is not needed to verify your identity (e.g. social security number). Rest assured that we will permanently delete your ID from our servers once we have used it to verify the authenticity of your account.

Additionally, you should make sure to copy and paste all of our previous correspondence into your message when you reply. Once we have received this information, we will reevaluate the status of the account. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Thanks for contacting Facebook,

Don
User Operations
Facebook

To which Adam responded with,

The irony of this whole situation is that I usually use a nickname when i
fill in forms because everyone always assumes I am using a nickname when I
write the real one. So I thought that on this platform I would for once use
my proper name so everyone could find me. I appreciate that you dont believe
my name to be Acronym Bradley Carlson, but I will not be persuaded to
provide you with copies of my identification. Please don’t take this
personally, I do not hold anything against your company, but I would never
provide such sensitive or private materials to any party on the web. I am a
little surprised that people would volunteer this type of information.

Too bad my name isn’t Rob Armstrong we could have avoided this whole
misunderstanding. Please reactivate my account, my wrestler is getting weak.
And I don’t know who’s having a birthday. sigh

yours truly, Acronym Bradley Carlson

To which Facebook responded with,

Hi,

Unfortunately, without ID verification, there is nothing further we can do to help re-activate your account.  Rest assured that we will permanently delete your ID from our servers once we have used it to verify the authenticity of your account.  Let me know if you have any further questions.

Thanks,

Don
User Operations
Facebook

Adam has not responded further to them.  They are obviously pissed because he shot down their stupid platform we took a screen shot of the Acronyms page; of course those users won’t get kicked off.  I’m sure they feel they have valid rights to our government issued IDs but this is Facebook we are talking about the above policies are so stupid I can hardly wrap my head around them, and I like your name too Homer.  It seriously licks not being able to send him flare and kick his ass at wrestling. Fucking Facebook you suck sweaty clammy balls.

I really can’t say I thought I would ever write a post such as this, I’m not known as a particularly modest person but I’m also not known as an overly secure person either so even if I say nice things about myself there is little or no conviction behind them unless I’m going off about my running days, good luck shutting me up then.

I have been working so hard, so so hard. The only thing that isn’t falling into place is my weight but it will come and I am nowhere near as hung up on it as I was I’m beginning to accept that I have always been thin and small boned.  My weight gain may have really been just what I was calling it, the newlywed fifteen.  This month we’ll have been together five years and we just celebrated our two year wedding anniversary, so we are for sure not newlyweds anymore.

Yesterday I was asked by a new doctor how I have been feeling in regards to my depression right now.  And I said and meant it that I haven’t felt this good in years, if ever.

• I saw my shrink yesterday for the first time since July 26 2008 and I didn’t have any sort of break down of any kind,
• The lowering of my medication is still going extremely well, I know this because;
• I just spent three weeks almost every day with my mother and my father was here too but I didn’t see him as much. I prefer to see my parents in their area, which was up north because our apartment is small, we don’t have or want a car, I’m pretty boring and don’t like to leave my apartment and I just find it extremely stressful spending long periods of time with almost anyone but Adam,
• In that three weeks I only lost my temper and raised my voice a few times in the first couple of days and that was also because I had bad PMS when they arrived,
• When it comes to my life online I for serious learned to relax. I have not checked my stats even once since I said I wasn’t going to months back now, when people are talking about stuff that is pissing me off cause I’m not invited or something, I know damn well I’m likely only not invited because I’m not a tech blogger and some people in the social media scene do know that my social anxiety does still take over at times. But see before I’d take that shit personally. I don’t care and in the cases where I do care I walk away from the computer, it really is that easy,
• I have stopped napping during the day. Even when I have a bad headache with the drop in my meds I have way too much energy. And if I’m having a bad day I still find I can convince myself I’m going to be able to fall asleep only to find myself back out in the living room frustrated but present,
• Life threw me a curve ball the other day that given the compassion I have learned to exhibit over the years was extremely hard for me to turn away from but I’ve worked way too hard not to and I can’t feel guilty for that;
• I got off my ass and have been to five Yoga classes. My classes are one and a half hours long and rule. Yoga is on break but starts back up on the 15^th, now that I’m not sick anymore I will start doing it in the apartment and should therefore be running again by the end of the month. Yoga is filled with instant gratification which I love my lost muscles are coming back already which gives me hope for my knee [I/T band] getting strong again.

Seeing as there is a 50/50 chance right now depending on a couple things and people that I might be in Bali for Christmas I didn’t think I was getting a Christmas present from my parents this year.  We were all out getting Adam luggage for his Christmas gift which he got already because Christmas gifts in my family are given sometime between August and December every year since I left home and my mom mentioned that I did get a present and I hadn’t even thought about it so I said I wanted a tripod but I got a Sony eBook Reader.

They actually bought three, my showing it to my mother off a friend’s photo stream turned out to be great for them because they can’t easily get books in Bali and can now hold up to 160 books each on their own readers.  We also have a family book club we are going to keep going over webcam so it all just fell into place.  I know that they are considered expensive but when you think about how many books it holds, the fact you can still get free books from the library for it and that it comes with 100 free classic novels (if you buy it before September 20) for an avid reader it is dirt cheap.

I have my third fifty dollar Chapters gift card coming in the mail this year which I will be spending on paper books.  I think it will be a long long long long time before any electronic reader could or will take over paper books but for anyone who reads as much as I do and more I highly recommend it.

No more packing four to eight books every time I hop a plane.  No more trying to decide what I am going to feel like reading before I leave.  I have only added four books to the eBook so far, Anna Karenina Leo Tolstoy, Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen, Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte and The Turn of the Screw Henry James.  With the 100 free classics I can’t see buying any books for it for a while; I have a feeling I’m going to be on a classics kick for some time.  My only complaint, even though I completely understand why is that the free classics list does not contain any book that has been banned for even one minute, yet you can get the book of Mormon which I just don’t consider a classic in ANY sense of a the word.  No Orwell no Salinger, etc. and etc.  I also wish the USB port had a cover but it doesn’t.  I generally have my current book in a bag within my bag which will hopefully protect it from getting a dirty port.  It comes with a really cool magnetic brown cover.

I have kissed my eBook and petted it like a pet and hugged it because I love it. A lot.  The reader is not only pretty much the raddest thing I own now but it opens up the door for me to continue collecting my favourite novels in first printing first edition hard covers!! I’ve mentioned before I spent over a hundred dollars on my covered in plastic copy of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay Michael Chabon and I bought the cheapest one I could find and hoped it would show up in the condition promised and thankfully it did.

My parents left for Toronto this morning.  They will be there for two weeks, fly back to Vancouver for two days and then they will be officially retired and living in Bali.  They are already officially retired but they are still saying goodbye to family, my dad worked his very last day at ICBC yesterday, he was there over twenty years, I can’t remember exactly how many years over twenty but a few if not a bit more than a few.

I have an aversion to reading instruction manuals I sometimes wish that learning things was just an injection into your brain like in the movies because procrastination and laziness are committed hourly in my life.

My point is that I am still very green at taking photos but I want to post some because I’m sort of getting better at taking them and actually left my apartment on a semi regular basis with my parents here for three weeks.

And whatever, not like it was original, of course I took it from The Minx but I used to ALWAYS do photo posts.

Other than the fact that the Beijing Olympics of 2008 were one of the most corrupt games I’ve ever watched [I’m only 31] because I love so many athletes from so many countries and am simply a die hard sports fan I still couldn’t pull away.

I am more than pleased with the entire Canadian team. I was going to write a rant during the Olympics asking people to shut the fuck up about our lack of medals in the first week, I was about done listening to people around me and the media not to mention the CBC commentators speak negatively about our athletes, the commentators weren’t so much saying negative things as they were just talking in agro voices, it was annoying.

WHO in Canada doesn’t know that we are a winter sports country? I wish we were an all sports country but it will never happen, sure because all eyes are now on us the Canadian athletes will probably get more money for a few years maybe enough for us to grab upwards of twenty medals in London 2012 but after London things will go right back to exactly how they are which is pathetic. If the country isn’t going to support the athletes properly then stop bitching when they only achieve like the most personal bests and Canadian records in maybe ever. Seriously people HOW could that not have been good enough? Breaking a PB is one of the best feelings EVER I can’t even imagine how insane it would be to spend your life training for something, perform your very best, break what WAS your very best and have it NOT be good enough for your country. Disappointment and being tired of seeing only personal bests and Canadian records fall are two different things.

I’m already annoyed by all of the talk of topping the Beijing Olympics, the big one being the opening ceremonies. Ok - what? So you want us to put on a computer generated fireworks extravaganza, destroy a young girl’s confidence probably for life with a bullshit lip-syncing so called pretty girl, you want us to fake the age of some of our athletes robbing the rightful owners of their gold medals AND you want us to have even worse corruption than was just demonstrated over the last two plus weeks?

Unless nothing else is on, hardly anyone watches the Olympics anymore. What, with the drugs and the mockery being made of the judged sports. I know that both have always been there, always been a problem and not just at the Olympics but what I don’t understand is why we don’t do anything about it.

When it comes to how Vancouver is treating its people we are right on up there with the Chinese. I don’t think we’ve torn down any homes that people actually own and were living in yet but it’s probably coming. All I could think watching the pre shows on how the middle class and lower class and homeless were being treated in Beijing was what I’m sure most Vancouverites were thinking - OH FUCK. When your city is known world wide for its homeless problem, the east side, skid row, whatever you want to call it you really would think the government would want to do more than try and HIDE the problem but dreaming is probably still free for a reason.

It got to the point with the judged sports that we had to start watching them in moderation to keep tempers calm. I am a lover of many athletes from many many countries it is hard for even me to keep track of them all, so I am not just talking about Canada when I say the judging in my opinion was the worst we’ve seen this century, I can’t see it being the worst ever but it’s up there. And I am sorry but it may take the full eight years they have to find out what they are on but all of the Jamaican male sprinters are drugged out, they use better Visine than Ben Johnson did but yay, if it was only Bolt that was fast that would be one thing but the ENTIRE team. If you watched the Olympics, think back to Phelps, notice the natural progression of his stamina his endurance level, the boy looked tired you could tell he was working his ass off and then some. Bolt and his boys were show boating cruisers. Everything and everyone is faster and stronger in this day and age but not that much.

Out of curiosity I thought out loud “I wonder how many of China’s gold medals were in judged sports”. Turns out to be approximately half of their 51, in Athens as a nation they won 63 medals in TOTAL. But to be fair let’s compare with another power house, let’s compare with the United States. Of their 36 gold medals in Beijing approximately 3 of them were a result of judged sports. In total The States won 110 medals, in Athens they won 102. Seems like a natural progression of improvement to me. Something just isn’t right with how many judged golds China won and the fact that they went from a total of 63 medals to a total of 100 at their own games.

I personally have a bigger problem with corruption in the judging than I do with the drugs, but please do not get me wrong I have MAJOR issues with both. At least with drugs when you are caught you not only embarrass yourself you shame your entire country. You are stripped of your medal. You have to live with what you did forever. You are marked forever. In my opinion if you are caught once with drugs you should NEVER be able to compete again, screw a suspension. And I agree with my father who thinks if one of them is caught doing drugs the whole team should be sent home. That would put a stop to it all pretty fast.

It really bothers me that sports like softball are being removed from the Olympics yet NOTHING is being done to change judged sports or stop the corruption.

For example, WHY does gymnastics even need judges anymore? Why not take the maximum score have exact deductions for falls, misses, step outs, incompletion of compulsory moves and add em up at the end and then the person who has the least amount of mistakes and did all the moves gets the gold. I guess that would be too complicated.

It wasn’t all bad and there were some very touching moments, moments that were my favourite just like I have from every Olympics I remember watching. I don’t know why but my favourite moment of all was when Ian Thorpe turned around and gave Mrs. Phelps a hug after Michael won yet another gold. I thought that was pretty good.

Gus is sitting on my lap pawing at my legs and I’m watching the Beijing Opening Ceremonies, I haven’t cried yet but it is inevitable that I will. Medal races in the swimming start Sunday, that’ll get me if nothing has before then.

My love of sports and athletes is huge but I still have mixed feelings in regards to the Olympics and their politics but I try and make it a point not to talk about politics on my blog. I see what’s happening in Beijing, I see what is happening in Vancouver to the people, to the city. I know I’m not alone in feeling a certain amount of dread when the cameras are turned onto our city and highlight the government’s despicable testing taking place right now on how best to deal with the homeless. It did not comfort me at all to see the people of Beijing going through similar and heartbreaking experiences just to put on a spectacle for the world.

Sometimes it isn’t just the politics it’s the drugs. I may not be competing now but my therapists insists I am an athlete and should address myself accordingly it is just hard for me having such a nagging injury [another post..]. Sometimes I’m glad that I had a shitty attitude when we moved to Terrace because I never had to deal with the pressures of drugs. I had very limited running competition in Terrace, whereas in Smithers I was always second best and instead of using it as a challenge and running against older, faster more experienced runners and learning from it and growing I became an arrogant asshole and almost stopped running AND skiing all together. The Terrace ski hill is nothing when compared to the Smithers mountain and I got bored. I look back and wonder how my parents even put up with me through my seriously wasting my potential phase [I’m not really sure it was just a phase though]. Before I met Adam I dated some guys who considered themselves hard core, they were jerks to me but at the same time they loved being with a woman who could keep up to them but the difference is that I never took anything beyond protein powder and ibuprofen. I do not think ANY of the guys I dated took steroids but I could be wrong who knows. One dude had completed an iron man and one used to train with Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist Simon Whitfield’s coach. Both of these guys took creatine which is a controversial supplement and it bothered me, if guys taking creatine bothered me I bet you can guess how strongly I feel about professional athletes and performance enhancing drugs. The disappointment, anger and embarrassment I feel when athletes are caught is intense to say the very least. I put so much time and energy into the athletes I admire and love that I feel genuinely let down when I find out they’ve been using.

Even though I find myself yelling obscenities at the tv over most of the stupid commercials and idiotic statements made with voiceovers by Morgan Freeman I try real hard to separate myself from all the bullshit and enjoy the fact that it is the only time that I can see almost all of my favourite athletes in one place for two fucking weeks man! I live for moments like this:

American Triathlete Sarah Groff & Canadian Olympic hopeful Carolyn Murray

Today the love of my life [sorry Gus] turns 29. Although I am pretty sure that Adam and Gus were both born in August, and I know that Adam would never have a problem sharing his birthday with his furry little buddy but Gus is only fourteen this year, poor thing I’ve been saying she’s fifteen.

I can’t really think of anyone who reads here that doesn’t think that Adam is pretty awesome; I know how lucky I am, I’m thankful for every moment we have together and find it seriously hard to believe Adam was only twenty-four when we met. Wow.

My plan here is to tell you a pretty awesome story about Adam, it does also include me but it is a story that will make anyone who thinks Adam is awesome think that he is even awesome-er-er.

Ok, so for our second date I asked Adam to pick me up at my shrink’s office at 5:50 pm. I have always been a throw it all on the table kinda gal and didn’t see this as a strange thing to do because I don’t see any point in hiding my depression.

At 5:50 pm on October 2^nd 2003 I walked out of my shrink’s office to find that there was no Adam.

I waited.

And waited.

About ten buses had gone by at this point and I accepted that he was not coming. It was almost quarter to seven; I crossed the street to catch a bus home and called my girlfriend. I let forth a typical sob story. How could I have been so brazen as to think he would seriously pick me up at my SHRINK’S office? How could I have thought that after one date that ANY man wouldn’t be freaked out? On and on about how stupid I was. Good thing that therapy session had worn off on me and I was learning not to devalue myself and all.

But I had this funny feeling in my gut and as odd as it may sound the tears and the disappointment felt forced. I had never in my life had a feeling like this, normally I think the worst and the worst happens. I was insisting on the worst outcome in my head but my guts were sending out a resounding “this isn’t what you think, just hold on a minute here” feeling.

I arrived home to the beep that land lines in the early 21^st century still had to let you know that there was a message.

The message was from Adam, he didn’t have my cellular number on him and he was at the pay phone outside of my therapists office and he didn’t have a cell so he was basically waiting there for me and trying to catch me when I got home. I remember his message was ridiculously awesome, so sweet. He had as I’d hoped; gotten the time wrong, he did not think that I was insane. [yet] I wonder how many quarters he went through that night, I have never asked him but he got me on my home phone and explained and apologized and said he thought he’d fucked everything up and I said oh no no dude I thought I fucked it all up like WHO the fuck has someone pick them up at their shrink’s office on the second date?

Apparently I do.

This incident in our very new relationship is my second favourite story next to the one about how we met. When this happened and he wasn’t standing me up, that I had missed him by like five minutes, it showed me that not only was this someone who was willing to see past my shit but he wanted me to know that he was someone who could see past it and I felt bad because he felt so bad and I couldn’t let it slide that I KNEW, I KNEW it man, I did, I just wish I had have been able to give him the benefit of the doubt instead of giving a girlfriend an “I told you so” moment.

It also works in Adam’s favor on a regular basis now because just like I can say that he knew what he was getting into picking a girl up at her shrinks office, I knew what I was getting into with someone an hour late for a date. Somebody isn’t super good with time. But most women bitch and nag about that shit, I literally can’t, I knew, second date, the boy just ain’t good with time but at least he knows my cellular number now.

He knows a lot of stuff about me and he is still incredible to me, every single day. I know it goes without saying that I hit that jack pot but I’m saying it anyway.

I hope you have a wonderful 29^th birthday baby.

Love, your Old Lady.

WE GOLFED!!! We had not golfed a full round together since JUNE 23′2007. That is insane! Camera only lasted one hole which means there are only photos of me and no video.

There was a long civic strike and because we have a lot of respect for the wee pitch and putt in Stanley Park we did not even ONCE sneak on and play. We wanted to because a lot of people were doing it, but we didn’t. And with the onset of seriously nasty adult allergies golfing has become really touch and go for me. I can normally make it nine holes without a problem but have to re-evaluate at nine whether I can play the back or not.

The expensiveness that is golf, no car, and no shoes are the only things that keep us off real courses, we have taken our clubs on transit but saying that is a pain in the ass is a huge understatement. We do play a course with full par threes and par fours sometimes but not very often. And I used to play with my parents up north.

I find it funny that we both have the same approx $150.00 Odyssey putters complete with fancy covers and we don’t even play full courses but does it really matter golf is golf it is hard and fun no matter where we play. Adam bought me my putter for a birthday gift years back and then he decided that he loved that putter and he didn’t love any other putter as much as he loved MINE and so he ended up getting the same one for his birthday we can tell them apart because Adam plays golf left handed and I play right handed EVEN THOUGH I am left handed and HE is right handed. I KNOW that is the craziest thing EVER. Also, his cover is the standard cover that comes with the putter MINE is a white tiger named Rain Tamer.

I managed to putt off two pars and did not have a hole where I got worse than three over par. Thank paganism for that because I SERIOUSLY freak out if I get higher than +3 on a par three. I don’t freak out like I used to freak out but I still freak out. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again golf has taught me more about myself than probably anything I have ever taken on.

It constantly teaches me not to underestimate myself, and now that I am experiencing a time in my life where I have a lot more confidence I find myself able to acknowledge my accomplishments playing a game that requires a lot of skills that have never come naturally to me. Like patience, patience is something that does not exist in my world unless I make it.

When we went out on Monday I thought for sure due to my muscle loss and having not played in OVER a year that I would not be able to use my pitching wedge. I pride myself on being a woman who can play the entire course cept for the 100 yard and 95 yard holes where I normally use my nine iron. I can use my pitching wedge on the two longer holes but it really limits my chances of getting it on in one shot and I have to seriously grip it and rip it which makes me grunt.

Anyway, I asked Adam to make sure my seven iron was in our little pitch and putt bag assuming I would not be able to reach the greens. Umm wrong, turns out I have legitimately learned to golf and was ripping the ball over the greens and quickly switched back to my pitching wedge. I had some seriously bad shots and lost a SpongeBob SquarePants ball in a tree but I counted it because, and I SWEAR BY THIS thanks to Adam, that the sooner you stop cheating at golf the sooner you get good.

I really enjoyed the book, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris but I thought that Me Talk Pretty One Day was far superior and made me laugh so hard I almost peed in my pants a couple times. His stories about his brother Paul, aka The Rooster are my favourites. From one obnoxious cursor to another he just kills me. I started reading his books because Jenn went to see Mr. Sedaris live and she was crazy excited about going and so I took a look at his stuff and I am so far glad I did.

In June I was looking at a 1001 list of books you are supposed to read before you die. I enjoy these lists, they are all over the place, of course I like seeing how many books I’ve read whether it is a list from published books claiming what you should read, or internet lists, banned lists, I basically like lists. The book Under the Skin by Michel Faber caught my eye. I have read his book The Crimson Petal and the White. Being that the novel is 896 pages long and I did not bend the spine or even crease the cover in any way shape or form it catches my eye on the shelf on a regular basis, I don’t remember much of the detail but I know it is the story of a prostitute in 19^th century London. I was in the book store one day and they had Under the Skin in trade paperback on blow out, this was years ago I’d say 2003 because the inside cover of The Crimson Petal and the White says that I read it in October 2003, I bought it knowing that because it has sort of a boring cover that I would probably never read it but wanted to own it because I had enjoyed the other book.

When I saw it on the 1001 list, the rest of the list ceased to exist for me and I grabbed it off the shelf saved the list to my documents and checked to see where I was in my current book to determine how long it would be before I could start it. If I could read more than one book at a time I would. The book I was reading at that time was The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger. [The Catcher in the Rye being a perfectly fine book by all standards in my opinion but finds itself on the banned list]

The cover of Under the Skin displays a quote review from The Wall Street Journal which claims it to be “Original and unsettling… an ANIMAL FARM for the new century.” Having also read Animal Farm, by George Orwell for the first time this year, it was my first read of 2008 actually; I found the rather extreme quote intriguing.

To read this book I had to deviate from my own reading list but I was willing to do it because I buy too many books to stick to only one list. I have reading lists and books I want to buy lists ALL over the place. In fact, something I really enjoy is flipping back through old journals and day planners where I always come across abandoned lists and survey them with nerdy excitement seeing what I ended up getting and reading and what can be moved to the new lists and what stays abandoned.

Under the Skin turned out to be an extremely engrossing book but for only 311 pages it took me ages to finish. It was one of those books that while I had it in hand with my eyes firmly on the page I could not put it down but once I found a way to put it down I had trouble picking it back up again. Each time. I am glad I read it, I talked to Adam about it a lot while reading it and explained the whole story to him, whether it should be on the 1001 list I don’t really care, I don’t put much stock in the lists other than to grab the odd book off them and see if I have read anything notable. In regards to its having been compared to Animal Farm, I can see how it is relatable but think it’s a stretch. The book does still have me thinking though, it was pretty good.

I’d have to say my favourite book so far this year has been Tori Amos Piece by Piece by Tori Amos and Anne Powers. I started listening to her music in 1994 my first introduction to her was her second album Under the Pink; I now own her complete library. I have had tickets to see her live twice but only made it to the concert once. The book was released in January 2005 to coincide with the album The Beekeeper. The Beekeeper is a fantastic album and in reading the book Piece by Piece I can now experience the album in a whole new way and do, I haven’t stopped listening to it again since I read the book. It lets you dive pretty deep into her life. It lets you peek into her thought process when she is writing songs and you find yourself on a whirlwind tour through the album and through conversations she has with music journalist Anne Powers, an intimate and what feels like a pretty complete portrait of her life is presented. I ate it up and love her even more now.

I also read Dry by Augusten Burroughs which I enjoyed, although it is sad and centers on his addictions. It made me want to get off the pot for about five minutes, but that would make my shrink too happy and we can’t have that now can we. I personally liked Running with Scissors a lot more. And I also read The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella, I normally reserve her books for after I finish a heavy non-fiction read because I consider her to be fluff but for a fluff writer she is really good and I own all of her books and have read all but one. I don’t read what I consider to be fluff very often but when I do I am extremely picky about it.

Yesterday I went I saw my shrink for the first time this month. It is hard for me to believe I haven’t seen him since June.

I went to the United States of America and Aughra said she charged really high rates and so I never had any therapy there and then I came home sick because I can’t even travel over the border without getting backed up and exploding MANY times upon return to the point I was sent to bed moaning and groaning and saying “I’M FUCKED for Bali if I can’t even go over the border getting sick coming home from Mexico was one thing.” I was a rebel and drank the water but getting sick coming home from the States made me feel like a pussy, I only shat little pebbles the whole time I was there cept for maybe once I dropped a good deuce maybe twice. Then Dr. B was off for a week because HOLY STOP THE BUS I forgot to mention that I’ve graduated to seeing him once every two weeks now, for various and all good reasons.

I had to get down to business fast because I only had fifty minutes and a lot happened over the course of that time.

My medication has also OFFICIALLY been lowered. I am taking lots of vitamins and have been feeling soooooo much better since I don’t know maybe around my birthday (beginning of June) and when I got home from the mission I was finding myself falling asleep every day for hours and it was pissing me off and all I could link it to was too much medication. This is actually the second time it has been lowered since I started to feel better but is the first time that my prescription has reflected the change. This is also one of the only times in my life that a lowering of my medication has been successful.

Needless to say things are not perfect I still have super bad days and spend them in bed but it is one day not a couple or a week, one day, then I feel better and move on. I can not believe how far my capability to let shit go has come it is even blowing my own mind. I even uttered the words all of us depressed people fear yesterday, I announced I was HAPPY but that I feared the happiness in the stereotypical manor of losing my identity as a depressed person. This obviously isn’t going to be an issue I’m not cured I am just doing better than I’ve done in years right now and I am doing my best to ride it out and not think of the day it ends because I’m trying to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t have to end.

I now have August off and don’t see him again till September. The only difference is that I know I won’t see him for over a month. I didn’t plan on canceling my other appointment this month getting sick did that for me. I personally think I have done really well this month and can’t see why I shouldn’t be able to keep this thing I’ve often heard referred to as happiness going strong.

*Sleeps with Butterflies - Tori Amos

PS. I had my hair chopped off. Quite frankly I had never left it long that long before but I got married and then wanted to see what I looked like with may natural color, been married two years next month and I look like Corinna Liscumb Carlson so off it went.